She's laying there like roadkill
Her screwdriver seeping into her
And reality is soon to follow
"You disgust me" He murmered
Her sonic [boom] hearing picking up on every syllable
As she detached herself from him on the asphalt
Her every word, a new infection
A grotesque sore,
Bleeding chemicals [blending with her concealer]
She smiled, as she spit powder into his gun
He winced at her sickness, as he polished the bullet
Her skin falling off, piece by piece
[Don't scratch, you might feel the pain]
But he didn't beleive, as he placed it in the barrel
That she could become something worth saving
Her oxygen running out [gasp]
Her breath grows short [gasp]
Then she heard the gunshot
It took only half a second
And time went mute
She begged to keep her body
Her disposable, filthy, mess of a corpse [or what was left of it]
Just for a minute, she wanted that color back in her world
She wanted to become the sinner she was
T-t-t-too late, honey.
She's already laying there like roadkill
Her screwdriver seeping into her
With reality soon to follow
She's got the tool to make her happy [again?]
Right between her teeth
If only she weren't too weak to bite
Author notes
I used the words:
Road kill
Screwdriver
Reality
Disgust
Asphalt
Infection
Detach
Grotesque
Powder
Bullet
Sick
Skin
Piece
Scratch
Pain
Beleive
Breath
Oxygen
Time
Mute
Second
Body
Disposable
Filthy
Color
minute
Sinner
Become
Teeth
Happy
A contest entry
- Fairy Tales Just Don't Do It For Me Anymore... by Exodus.
1050 points, ended June 13, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poem(s) You Have Ever Wrote by NickelleteXninja.
550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thanks For The Memories by broken-colours.
500 points, ended July 1, 2007, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything && Everything (Shoot me up side the head) --all ages-- by Marilyn..
475 points, ended August 11, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This has great imagery in it, i could picture the entire, thing, but you did such a great job, i dont know what to say.... its hard to ffind a bad spot or something to fix.. oh my.
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I read through this piece. It was difficult for me to really get into. I understand she was longing for a forsaken happiness and is granted the relief she's been granted to possibly start over in another life of redemption, or maybe this was my perception, but I still found myself longing for a rhyme and reason as to why that all occured. Maybe I overlooked something and after writing this I'll read the piece a 3rd time (3rd times the charm, huh?) and may discover something but at the moment I'm still just lingering for a reason why. I doubt I want a reason why because I've wrote this much about this piece and I still enjoyed it.
Me enjoying this piece is saying quite a bit. I didn't feel it flowed well but that's only my opinion because as I said... I was longing for a reason throughout. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the imagery spread throughout and find myself searching now for a deeper meaning. Way to pull me in! I enjoyed this piece very much so and understand now why it's a finalist in the contest we both entered "Thanks for the Memories" by OhEmetophobia. The best to you, keep up the great writing, and thank you for the wonderful read!
Alex
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it's okay. you pulled it together nicely with the words, but it all seemed forced. good job, though. it's interesting and i like it
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it is very well written.
The words sound very good in this poem.
And its a wonderul story line.
Thanks so much for entering
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DAMN! You managed to use over half the words without making it seem forced, I'm impressed!
I loved the entire thing. So many brilliant metaphors! It probably helps that I'm a sucker for one liners and the last line is just fucking amazing.
It was interesting to see someone continue one theme through a poem, and be able to have a sub-theme (if that's a term) as well.
Thank you for this piece, it really was an absolute pleasure to read
♥
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