A saucerful of secrets
is hidden in my eyes
and every single word I say
is another word of lies
lies below the surface
eyes are everywhere
watching what we're saying
hardly being there
there among the rosebush
decisions we shall make
forgetting all we're lacking
and revealing all that's fake
fake are all the people
fake are all the homes
filthy with the virus
snuck through the telephones
telephones that lead us
from here to God knows where
a saucerful of secrets
to leads us right back there
Author notes
Something I have never tried before... I like new things!
A contest entry
- Pink Floyd by im dead - go away.
511 points, ended June 16, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I.am.stunned. I adored this piece, best of luck to you
However, one suggestion for improvement, if I may: I think the line would sound a bit better as "A saucerful of secrets are hidden IN my eyes"... I think that will flow off the tongue more if this is ever read aloud. Other than that, I find this beautiful & I really hope you place!! Fingers crossed...
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Ooh, a nice sense of slight paranoia within this poem, though not unduly.
"eyes are everywhere
watching what we're saying
hardly being there"
This makes me think of CCTV and the big brother thing, they're always watching us yet we barely even register their existence.
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