Rings of ethnic blue and the power of the face
The ultimate procreator of all the human race
Gases swirl and mystify the emotions of the third eye
As the dove metamorphised into a raven, in a salty sky
Smell the hormones and tongue the passions of the hate
Serpentised poison in the fangs of the Eden's, virgin lake
One genetic combination from the spirals, of the divinity mistake
How many of you really can differentiate the beauty of a good fake?
Dark and mystified ,aligns the cannibalism of the lustful, human flesh
Generate the Kabbalistic numbers, of the electric fired over the mesh
High in the towers of the Babel, smoothed by the touch of caress
A volcanic eruption and the belief, of those that are eternally blessed
Cascade into the clouds, of the humid and sulphuric and concentrated airs
Try and look beyond, the vacancy of the marionettes fearful and stupified stare
Climb the spiral rungs and the thunderous hooves of the white, winged mare
Learn to understand artistry and the creation of the divinity called flare
Rise from the gases, amongst the foams of the creations of the masters
Perfection portrayed from the artist's mind, of the potiental, for disasters
Smile and shell your beauty, it exists from the well, that is hidden within
learn to realise the depravity, that polarised the pure entity, without sin
Smolder with the sulphur of the volcanic, mysterious, primeval soup of fire
Listen to the soothefull music and the divine, vibration of his musical lyre
Watch as the pureness of the white dove of Noah's hope darken, in the polluted mire
Prove to yourself that the romantic, often never matches up to the actual desire.
Georges.
Author notes
For a loved one. I have not really written for a few months and I feel this piece pulls everything together well.
A contest entry
- Live... Love... Laugh... Learn... INSPIRE!!! by Wild Mustang.
900 points, ended June 1, 2007, 32 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Option Contest by Beating.
600 points, ended June 14, 2007, 39 entries
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550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
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425 points, ended June 26, 2007, 26 entries
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600 points, ended July 14, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
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500 points, ended July 18, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest to Promote my Commenting ANYTHING GOES!! by Timeless Wisdom.
800 points, ended August 6, 2007, 261 entries
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900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 97 entries
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500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
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300 points, ended September 10, 2007, 30 entries
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320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Great detail.
Thank you for entering,
Best of luck. -
Nicely written piece
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
I like the the darkness and the wanting of this piece. It has a lot of flavors.
Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful piece. I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~
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Ok, the bad stuff first. It feels like this piece should have been displayed in AxAx format. The AABB is distracting to the reader because our minds look to create a beat or flow that is either nonexistent in your writing OR plays along just fine in your mind, but is significantly hard to discern for everyone else (I should really be speaking for myself here, so just assume that I am). Second, there is a stange mix of the sublime and secular (vocabulary wise) in this poem. Words and descriptions such as "rings of ethnic blue," "creation of the divinity," and "smolder with the sulphur" (the last being both alliterative AND imaginative) are effectively undone by their proximity to "those that are eternally blessed," "it exists from the well, that is hidden within," and "pureness of the white dove," for example (poetic cliches, all). This juxtaposition robs the poetry of its impact and creates a sort of reading speed bump that undermines both the intent of the author the beauty of the whole.
On a more positive note, this piece is packed with images that are potent and worthwhile. The penultimate line of the work is a perfect example of this reality as it sums the effort with an observation that anyone can find both universal and personal truth within. Further, it compells the audience to re-read the word in a effort to better understand its communication. It appears that you are, at once, discussing a love that is pure while questioning the existence of pure love itself. There is a certain mastery of expression here that can be found if one is willing to take the time necessary to root it out. In that singular regard I have nothing but praise.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
a very beautiful poem, with wonderful imagery, congrats on your gold.
thank you very much for your entry, and best of luck
lucy
xxx
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Cascade into the clouds of the humid and sulphuric and concentrated airs
Try and look beyond the vacancy of the marionettes fearful and stupified stare
Climb the spiral rungs and the thunderous hooves of the white, winged mare
Learn to understand artistry and the creation of the divinity called flare love those lines and its a good poem from you, and not writing in a while, good luck in the contes -
You are pulling together so many notions at once that it made my mind overheat with both passion and exhaustion. I read that you have included thoughts about "The original sin of Adam and Eve", "Venus the goddess of love", and also painted the the environment of planet Venus with metaphors. There are also minor treads of thoughts like "divinity", "beauty", "desire", "bible teachings..." etc. Wow, just plain stupefying. Genius George.
I would not even dare to say I understood half of what you scribe, but from what i can understand, it is beauty alright.
I want to book mark this and see if i can understand more of it next time. I know i still have a long way to go to truly appreciate this in full. Cheers.
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Great poem, except I felt that the rhyme was a bit awkward and would have been better in prose. It was a little too much for me with all of the beautiful vocabulary words and then rhyme on top of that. I liked the pictures it painted for me, I read each line several times to comprehend it and store it in my memory bank. Very good thanks for the interesting read.
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Gorgeous
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WOW
No wonder you got a got a gold trophy on this image filled, brilliant pece you have penned here. Very, very nice. sweet
POETDONTKNOWIT -
This is very well written. I think the only thing that could make this poem better than it already is would be to somehow make the lines a bit shorter (it would help with the flow). Despite that, your wording is splendid and it's a beautiful write. For not having written in awhile you made one hell of a come back! Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
~ Wild
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Where do I start? Where do I end? Every word is so powerful by itself yet, when looking at each line individually they seem to merge in with the stanza in an enticing way. the only color you use is white...hm, that takes guts.
"Dark and mystified aligns the cannibalism of the lustful, human flesh"
Ok so doubleyoutee-ef on this line. i suggest you take out the other lustful, two stanzas below. Overall, So dark, so suggestive, mystical and descriptive. ohhh so you havent written in a few months before this piece. that expains the pie. i had a gym teacher named pie. i ran into her sternum. -
You warp and mold words into an intricate,glorious web of deep and dark thought.
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lovely poem...one among the few...
Smell the hormones and tongue the passions of the hate
Serpentised poison in the fangs of the Eden's virgin lake
One genetic combination from the spirals of the divinity mistake
How many of you really can differenciate the beauty of a good fake?
These lines are so powerful.. Onre can suddenly feel thze blow in the intellectual realms of ones soul spiritually and through the cavernous entity called body physically.
Very nice poetry....
Best wishes and God Bless!!!
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What beautiful wording and so well worked to create a wonderful masterpiece. Noticed a few spelling mistakes which if corrected will perfect the piece. 8th line differentiate, 9th line cannibalism, and alings perhaps you mean aligns? Line 14 stupefied and line 18 perhaps would read better as 'Perfection portrayed from the lustful minds of the potential for disasters'. Excellent piece.
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This is rich and beautiful in metaphor like the sting of a clumsily picked rose, and though dark and polluted to well crafted blame, rises to a truth of wisedom in what is not said and some really good zen positive lines such as 'Listen to the soothefull music and the divine, vibration of his musical lyre' and 'Rise from the gases amongst the foams of the creations of the masters' which portrays a deep knowledge of the escoteric and the ways in which harnesSed correctly with your last lines reads the whole thing into a warning to channel the energy from this planet CORRECTLY or we may suffer the same fate of the ill fated poison as tree AND forrest, anyheys you have crafted quite the peice here i wonder have you accomplished many other planets? I definetly liked the read so thanks with Tauren apples -JAS
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Good read. The progression from one line, from one thought to another was great. Your description was powerful and image-provoking. Pain and pollution, the light to the dark was everywhere. Your expression was wonderfully dark.
“The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll
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This was simply beautiful leaving me in awe! You always amaze me with your words and the way your poetry is so classic and gothic! Peace and Love
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woah...
i would really like to know what you had in mind when you wrote this. i have a couple ideas but i'm blown away by it overall... please let me know what the different verses refer too and what the overal point you were trying to make was... please... but great overall made me really think
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Bravo! Your vocabulary, quite frankly, has almost made my day. I love to read work that uses a wide variety of words and really displays a familiarity with the English language, and this does just that. The vocabulary is just stunning. On top of that, your descriptions were very good, you describe Venus in a very original way and you made it sound interesting. I couldn't find anything to change or fix. Good rhyme, good flow, and great write.
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