The days come and go,
Emotionless tears fall from my eyes,
The pain in my stomach is like a
Thousands knives,
Twist and turn,
stop.
Breathe.
You stole my life,
Breathless I stood,
Trying to scream but nothing
Will come out,
Try and try,
Nothing.
Numb.
Hours of pain and agony,
Love is nowhere to be felt,
You left me to die,
But I'm still alive
Living and wishing
Forsaken.
Broken.
Dreams turn to nightmares,
Your voice rings in my ears,
Yellow rose petals turn to black
Like the true color of your heart,
Black and beating
Alone.
Selfish.
Author notes
This is about rape. It's a different kind of style that I'm not use to but I'm trying out new things
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me your best (((Round One))) by Lie 2 Me Once Again.
430 points, ended June 25, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open! Open!! Read this!! haha by Dark Angel Reborn.
390 points, ended July 20, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow, this was really really good. I loved it. This poem has a ton of emotion, but seemed such an effortless write. Its got a ton of potential and you really are a gifted writer. I agree with just about everything Northern Raven said about this poem. For it being about rape, its amazing because you capture all the heartbreak and torment of it..without actually giving the gory detail. I can connect too well with this piece. A really really great write. Thank you SO much for entering in my contest and good luck. Thanks again
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The emotional vacuum and intense feelings of a devastate life are very apparent thought the entirety of this poem, but without the author note, there is nothing in the poem to say these feeling are caused by the heinous crime of rape. Having recently read so much poetry about rape, I could guess that these feelings are associated with it but readers who have no experience of this crime might not possibly make the link.
Knowing that it is based on rape, I think the author has expressed the emotional devastation of it very well and the fact that the gory details are absent isn’t a problem as poems can depict a scene, express emotion or do both. Some of the lines which I think have something definite to say about the pain and isolation this crime causes are “The pain in my stomach is like a / Thousands knives,” and “Love is nowhere to be felt” the words that are stood separately one lines add strength to the words, thus giving the poem much more power.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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"stold" isn't a word. "stole" is probably what you are going for, and I'm assuming it was a typo (which I'm known for). Having read this, I wouldn't have had a single inkling that it was about rape if not for your author notes. I'd like to see the poem focus more on the specifics (without getting graphic, of course), and less on the emotional angst. Thanks for entering.
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nice i know how u feel good choice of words and such imma definately consider u as one the finalist(spell?)good luck and peace
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damn!!! selfish that is a wonderful word for that...this has so much pain i dont wont to remember..great job
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Please read my contest rules before resubmitting. Everyone must follow the same rules to be fair.
animated -
This was very intense and vivid. I liked your choice of words and all the emotion you used. Your imagery was great, especially when you described the yellow roses turning to black and the emotionless tears falling from your eyes. You wrote well in this style.
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This is a great emotion packed write. This touches such a terrible subject. Thanks so much for sharing this.
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Wow. Powerful write with lots of emotion. I think all rapists in this world should be locked up and have the key thrown away. You did a good job with writing this piece. Good luck in the contest.
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very nice poem
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wow. intense, sad and full of emotion. i think you portrayed this very well as sad as it is. i think all rapists should rot in hell personally. you did a great job on this. best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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