Mother, why did you put those people first in front of me,
I was begging to feel your love but I guess you could not see,
the nights when I awoke and found you missing from your bed,
trying to pretend you loved me really messed with my head,
you would buy me a toy and expect me to forgive,
mother all I wanted was you to acknowledge that I live,
put a band aid on my scratches and kiss my pain away,
tuck me into bed at night, kneel beside my bed with me and pray,
was it something I had said mommy, that made you really mad,
did I do something I was not supposed to do, that made you really sad,
maybe you were ashamed of me the very first day I was born,
my conception was not planed and your beautiful life became torn,
am I not the daughter you wanted mommy, do you ever wish I would die,
am I the reason you sit in the bathroom and run the water and cry,
I want to change now mommy just tell me what I need to do,
what do I need to say so that I can hear the words, I love you too?
Author notes
David plaes thanks!
For the first half of my daughters life, I was not there for her like I should have been, I regret this every day.
My daughter StephanieAnn, I am sorry.
I love you too.
In a list
A contest entry
- Sandness Form The Heart by Cari Cullen.
395 points, ended September 17, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Not to bad here... the feelings are intense as this is a very hard topic to write but I think a bit straight forward, I think being more abstract would put the reader more so in your daughters shoe's instead of describing them. I am glad to see that you realize an earlier mistake, many people do not, my mother is still living in mistakes and she may never understand. The best of luck to you.
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Good write!
Touches deep in my soul ... very good reflection through the eyes of a child.
"trying to pretend you loved me really messed with my head" and "you would buy me a toy and expect me to forgive" hits home to me. Especially those presents to cover up the hurt ...
Have no regrets. We all learn with time things are the way it is meant to be. I wrote a poem "I left myself" - you will see the depth. My Mom died before we could make amends, you still have time ...
You are a good soul. Clutch within, forget where you've been. Today, the yesterday of tomorrow, is the only thing that really matter.
Warm wishes from a mended heart.
Love,
Take care,
Rach xxx
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Aw... Very sad story you have penned here. Every lines holds more sadness, but yet more inner thought. The deepness (if that IS a word) of the this poem... was wonderful...
It made me tear up a little... *sniffles*
Great write ~
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It was real sad until I realized you were writing from your own daughters perspective, then it was incredibly uplifting in a strange sort of way. Amazing write that came straight from the heart. I struggled with drug use during the first five years of my first sons life, so I can relate. I pretty much did anything that was put in front of me, not a very proud time in my life. I rebounded and have three sons now that are my drug. Brilliant write.
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Yeah thats definitly sad, but at the same time I see hope in it, at least from the girls stand point, great write and awesome rhymes!!!
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Wow
This is really deep....I have a question for you did the pic of David helped you have this feeling because I think it did!
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Great Stuff
Some will shake their heads and wonder how in the world; but their are those of us who relate, I loved my Dad, but he was verbally abusive; but it is what he knew, my Mom told me his Dad was even worse to him, and would cuss him out in front of others. My Dad would really hurt me though by giving me things and then taking them away and giving them to other kids, but on the positive side it did teach me a lesson about this world we live on.
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This is a very powerful write. It is heart-wrenching and so much pain is expressed in the words you have penned. Taking care of children is difficult at best, but well worth the effort. Keep strong. Well written.
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This is a very strong write. I could feel every essence of your being pouring into these words. Your sadness, her longing and both needing to be loved and love. Beautifully done. My hats off to you for recovering from a very ugly addiction. You survived, they survived and you all will be stronger because of it. I can relate to this on many measures just not from where you came. My ex has an addiction. Very reason we are no longer together...but not from lack of trying. Keep your head up and stay strong....I am proud of you! Will be back to read more.
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Very Deep Poetry!
A sad story. Been out there before, it wasn't meth but it was CRACK. Glad I made it back from the living dead!
I know you feel the same.
"BOO"
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The hardest feeling to admit is the hurt you do to others, but to write it in words from the heart and for all the world to see, takes pure and selfless strength. not many owuld wirte such words, preferring to hide their wrongs, I used to be such a person, now I am slowly revealing bits though for me it will never heal my past, least yours is a start, and time will heal the rift created from your past.
Very emotionally deep and sad poem, hard to read, but understanding where this comes from helped alittle, i wish you and your daughter a long and happy life, full of loving and peace.
Ps: no need to reply.
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this really touches me, i am only 17 and my mother was on meth for the better part of my life and i would sit up crying waiting for her to come back home, so i r eally connected with this. but im glad you have the courage to right something like this and apologize to your daughter, that makes you one hell of a mother in my book.
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and i said right when i ment write, my bad.
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this is sad and beautiful.. great write
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This is beautiful. I feel wrong somehow for saying this but this is the way my mother still treats me. I love this poem however
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This poem is very good.I loved the way you ryhmed.But just remember she was missing out on a great person which is you.Her daughter.KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!
~Tia~
GOD BLESS
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momma
i forgive you for all of that and i did feel all of that but what happened then just made us as strong as we are today im just really glad that you stopped doing drugs or you might not be here today....
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I Am Here 4 U!
This is a very amazing piece ... the rhythem and flow was so nicely done ... the imagery ... the words ... so powerful ... you have done a wonderful job with this piece ... and I understand what you are saying here ... you are not a horrible person ... sometimes things happen where you need to be a better person ... your daughter loves you 100% ... I know this ... for I too am a daughter with a past ... just show her now that you do love her and make things right ... you are a wonderful person ... and don't ever lose sight of that okay? If you ever need someone to talk to ... I am here ...
Smile, It Confuses People
Sparkeh -
A very touching piece and I commend that would acknowledge and accept what happened many people do not have the strength to admit when they are wrong!!! this was well written and it hit me hard because I went through a similar situation when I was younger.
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wow ... i have tears after reading this ... very powerful and painfilled write .. very touching
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Oh this is so sad and so WELL WRITTEN. I think that we do the best we can with what we have at the time and our friends and family don't always understand. I am very soft hearted and have taken 2 teenage girls under my wing who don't have parents, my daughter was so hurt and felt like I was replacing her. To this day, it has scarred her and I have so much regret and wish I could turn back the hands of time. But we live with our mistakes and the only thing we can do is to fix the future and hope the past will bury itself.
Luv Ami
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amazing
this is a really good write, i can totally relate too. keep it up
<3 leasha
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Jesus, this brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps. Such a strong, sad, heartfelt plea. Really kinda hits home with me because my mom ditched me when I was ten months, they wouldn't let me know my father, so I had all kinds of abandonment/self esteem issues to work through (haha, still working through). I just want to hug that little girl and cover her cheeks with kisses. Such a moving write, good luck, I hope you place.
whisper
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This is a wonderful poem,
It touches my heart as I can see myself
in your words. but I have two girls
I was doing other things when I should have
been there for them
thank you
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This is very touching. I really think you did a fine job of seeing your daughters pain through her eyes. At least you have come to the realize the error of your ways, for far too many have not and their children still suffer. Thank you for sharing your and your daughter's story with us.
It is hard to critique such personal pieces but as a judge, I have to be honest. This really needs some punctuaion and capitalization. It would allow for this to come across a bit more smoothly.
Other than though, this is very good. Best of luck to you. -
awwww
thats so sad
i hope youve forgiven yourself its ok we all make mistakes just repent forgive and forget k -
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A long way
We have come a very long way since my selfish drug addiction back then, and though my daughter was put through emotional Hell back then, she has turned out to be so extraordinary and unique that I could not be any more proud of her.
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So Sad!
Yet so heartfelt and loving.
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