What lies behind those browns eyes,
Whats behind the smile?
A broken heart a broken life,
A girl feeling defiled.
So sensitive and caring,
For the people deep in pain,
But deep underneath the cover,
Its a life going insane.
A mess up and a failure,
A life of drugs and crime.
Its not all nice and innocent,
Just a whole lot of grime.
The tears are never seen,
So strong to face the storm.
But life's never been perfect,
From the day the babe was born.
The parent's separation,
the fighting and abuse.
so many hidden fears,
Now drowned in the booze.
A girl so confusing,
Neither innocent or bad.
Not weak but not strong,
Not happy but not sad.
A contest entry
- You by Sofia Nadia.
800 points, ended May 31, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
The last stanza was kind of weak. Also the last line of the 5th stanza could possibly do with some editing.
-
seems unfinished but has very honest feelings moving the words
-
hmmm...
last stanza was pretty weak, but you did a good job of not using pronouns and i definitely got a feel of who you are, which has been kind of absent in this contest. you need some apostrophes here and there and the last stanza should say 'nor' instead of 'or'. a cleaner edit and this could've been lightyears better, but still not too bad. thanks so much for entering and good luck!!
~Sofia Nadia
Adding your comment:
