The girl with the viola
Sits and waits for the train
God knows where that girl's going
God knows what that girl's seen
The girl with the guitar
Is standing by the road
That girl seems tired and hungry and cold
And seems to carry quite a load
The girl with the hundred on the test
Can sometimes cry the girl to sleep
That girl is wasted 'cause sister's smarter
So now all the girl can do is weep
The girl with the viola
Plays pain so beautifully
God knows how that girl's life's been going
God knows what that girl's seen.
Author notes
Definately not ALL of me...but alot. Alot of my current frustrations with life. Everybody thinks I'm so smart...but I'll never compare to her.
A contest entry
- You by Sofia Nadia.
800 points, ended May 31, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
That girl is wasted 'cause sister's smarter
If you're talking about Anna, shut your mouth.
She's smart, but so are you and you're less pissy. You'll make it before she does XD
<33
-
different
which is good for this contest. i liked the last stanza the best. problem is: you used 'girl' as a substitute for your pronouns, which although technically is acceptable, it made the poem that much weaker because it sounds so repetetive. if you read the poem outloud, the only word that stands out is 'girl'. you needed to really expand your vocabulary in order to make me feel something from this piece. also the rhyme scheme in the second stanza seems a little too tried. a little bit of editing should be able to shape this poem. thanks so much for entering and good luck!!
~SofiNadi
Adding your comment:
