Carve your name on my wrist with a blade
Doused in ink your name won’t fade
Away with time, forever it’s there
Like the nagging sense of fear of which I’m always aware
Of your presence getting stronger with every intake of breath
Never ceasing, never ending, till there’s nothing left
To nourish this blood that runs through these veins
Intertwined to form a monster only slightly sane
Enough to know that its sanity is ever so slight
To a point where the possibility of might
Is so afar that the naked eye can’t see
A magnificent castle-its residency
Of damnation and doom, a sentencing to hell
That in its glamorous cage it often dwells
Upon the life it never had
In the body of the monster that is so mad
It knows its caused hurt as its own
Suffering it chooses to make its thrown
Which it sits and watches the light with disgust
For the burning it receives when shown that light but you must
Stake the creature in the heart and let the flames consume
Its body and mind till it becomes part of you
And your being that it loves with a love so true
That it breaks the wall of darkness the monster created
Because it despised the light, though the wall it too hated
Enough to reach out with a trembling hand
To anyone that it can
To escape this created place of hate
Where it if remained it’d have an inevitably dark fate
Of misery and bloodshed and pain
That made you help this monster before it went insane
Enough to kill what little hope it had
And believe me the monster was almost that mad
You gave it your hand and it held on tight
It then returned the favor with the price of its life
That it gave to you without regret
Because you caught its hand and haven’t let go yet
This monster it thankful, and believe me it is
As it seals the deal with an everlasting kiss
That it hopes will be imprinted on its soul forever
When it knows that forever you will be together
A contest entry
- Your Best by Donkaidi.
450 points, ended May 30, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You by Sofia Nadia.
800 points, ended May 31, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PROVE YOU'RE WORTHY OF MY POINTS by EmeraldDaze.
480 points, ended June 5, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i want to know if it was written in a way that flowed
Comments
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You should go back and proof-read your poem, there are a few mistakes. Thank you for entering my contest.
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hmm. very thought-provoking, this one. i will say that i thought it was much too long. a lot of what you said sounded very repetetive and unnecessary, though you brought the message across very well. i liked the sort of 'dr.jeckyl & mr. hyde' thing you have going here. it's very effective. few grammar mistakes, although 'thrown' should be 'throne' if i'm understanding what you mean to say. overall this is pretty well done, but i think you need to edit it, shorten it a bit, focus on your main points and really wow me with your intense vocabulary. thanks so much for entering and good luck!!
~Sofia Nadia

