It is 3 am and the black sky
overhead resembles a snake,
onyx coils poised to strike. I am
Cleopatra and these pearls will
prove my noose. E'in Sof.
No noose, these pearls.
A snake instead, swaying back
and forth. I am held by
golden gaze, hypnotized.
Fiddler, play your fiddle! E'in Sof.
And I will dance among
the stars, nimble and swift.
Here I stand on Lupus,
now I dance to skim the surface of
Cassiopeia, your other lover. E'in Sof.
I am the wolf, howling
because of loneliness. It is
winter, and I am close
to dying. The snake has bitten
Cleopatra, and the noose is ready. E'in Sof.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I hate to say this but with the lines "No noose, these pearls.
A snake instead, swaying back
and forth. I am held by
golden gaze, hypnotized.
Fiddler, play your fiddle! E'in Sof" I actually like the 2nd stanza in the first version better. I do love the "fiddler, play your fiddle!" line though.
"And I will dance among
the stars, nimble and swift.
Here I stand on Lupus,
now I dance to skim the surface of
Cassiopeia, your other lover. E'in Sof" I love that stanza just as much as the one in version 1!
The two versions seem different to me, different messages.
Great job girl! Keep writing up drafts, its how you make the poem more amazing then it already is!
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Thank ya for the comment! It's irritating lol...no matter how many versions of this I write it's still not quite what I want it to be...
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What's E'in Sof? I like this, it doesn't seem to focus on one thing, just swinging back and forth in kind of a daze, and the rhymes aren't very obvious if any, yet it manages to flow and make some sense. Some how you did all of that and made an awesome poem
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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it means infinite/endless...thank ya so much for the comment!!
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