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Scissors

Sweet grace fell like snow
Slipping under our skin
Who I saw long ago
Now pulsed through me within

The scissor girl laid there
Ready and waiting
With a narcotic stare
That she was creating

Morphine shot through me
Injects though my blood
Her touch set me free
In a glorified flood

She put on her halo, and I heard her sing
We were pressing toghether, like soft static cling
She is the scissors, and I am the string
She adorns me with cuts, and a beautiful sting

Author notes

May 27, 2007.... Yesterday, I was with my girlfriend all day. It was one of the greatest days of my life... We had lesbian sex for like hours and that's what the poem is about... "scissors" is reffering to her legs, if you didn't get that.

4. gay/lesbian sex
3, An erotic piece about your first Bi experience

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • sirpuffsalot420
    May 23
    Edit | Reply

    sweet

    that was hot

  • Li snuffles
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    I also loved your last stanza the best, It felt like you both are so much in love and enjoyed yourselves

    the poem was really sensual and beautiful

    good luck in the contest..xx

    Lisa..


  • ForeverLastingComa
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    wow that was interesting..i liked the ending especially


    She put on her halo, and I heard her sing
    We were pressing toghether, like soft static cling
    She is the scissors, and I am the string
    She adorns me with cuts, and a beautiful sting

    awsome!! good luck =D

  • snow queen
    December 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hey great write!


  • loveaswellashate
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a really good peice.. i enjoyed this much, The way you used Scissors to show her legs was good..Well thank you for joining and good luck...
    Laters...
    Loves....*hugs*

  • XxBi-BeautyxX
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like your poem because you arent afraid to express the way you feel towards someone of the same sex. I wish i had as much courage as you.


  • Ephiphany gold member
    November 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This very sensual has a nice flow...

    thank you and Good Luck in the contest.

    e

  • Mizz HighHeel Class
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well well i see you have very strong faith in this piece as you have had it in tons of competitions dear this was absolutely great i loved it to death you did superb!

  • freestallion
    September 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an interesting piece, and I thought the metaphor in the last two lines was unique and intense. Thanks for entering my contest.

  • Lesbian-in-Love
    September 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write....sweet....That is very good...You did one good job writing about an experience...I love the whole theme of scissors that is good...I enjoyed the read and thanks for entering the contest.

  • Riftkin gold member
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you did one hell of a great poem here and I loved it the way you added information for those that did not understand.

    Riftkin

  • crystallynnbradford
    September 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i love the way that it flows and the rhyme scheme was wonderful...your choice of metaphors (comapring her legs to scissors) was really unqiue....i enjoyed reading this piece a lot....your grilfriend must be really proud to know you write of her

  • Fire N Ice
    July 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very well writen,
    loved the metaphore!
    thankyou for the entry and good luck


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    July 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was cool its funny cause i have a piece called pina colada and i think i bring up the same thing with the scissor issue

  • Master Ktulu
    July 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the flow and the metaphoric way you did this. Simply put this was awesome. I loved it. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you.

    **Master Ktulu**

  • Tattboyspet silver member
    July 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You know, even if you hadn't put the meaning of the scissors in the AN, it still would've been an excellent poem ... dark, but very good


  • cali951
    June 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well i didnt get it at first but now i do its aight its jsut that it wasnt easy to undestand i mean the metaphors confused me

  • Moonlight Raven
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Firstly, now this is a personal suggestion. I would separate you lines into 4 lined stanzas, this helps the rhyming words flow more effectively. I quite like your opening simile, came a calm and blessed feeling.
    Now again this is a person opinion, I would change the rhyme of the last two lines on line 15 and 16. It would flow perfectly well and not feel too overcrowded and forced if they didn’t have the same rhyme as lines 13 and 14.
    Overall, the poem is strong with both poetical devises and imagery. Well done. Ohh I forgot you have a small mistype on line 14
    As you are aware this is the erotic section of the contest, I don’t feel this is as such erotica. I believe this would be better suited in the love category of the contest. http://allpoetry.com/contest/2352374
    Well done and thank you for entering the 2007 raven contest, I wish you the very best of luck

    Moonlight raven

  • Kleyda14
    June 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It was a different poem but I liked it. Good work.

  • TheDemonEve
    June 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like this. It blends tasteful and taboo.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!

  • Emerald Dreams
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good Write. Thanks for entering and good luck

    Emerald Fire

  • sublimewriter
    May 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    interesting metaphors. religious and barber metaphors. i was thinking that this was about getting a haircut, but was surprised when it was about sex

  • Kiusha
    May 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is quite something. The rhyming is really well done, very melodical and natural. The metaphors are lovely. I love how you talk about this in such an abstract way. Tiny typo in together, antepenultimate line. 'Inject though my blood' I think need rephrasing.

  • Cannonsfire silver member
    May 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I got it and now I need a towel Love, C

  • Rainy Days
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem, though when I read it I couldn't tell it had anything to do with sex. But still, very nice. I liked the adjetives you used, they were... different, but in a good way.


  • Crazy-Baby
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is great, i love the rhyme and the metaphores used, really well written thanx for entering i love it xx

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