Sweet grace fell like snow
Slipping under our skin
Who I saw long ago
Now pulsed through me within
The scissor girl laid there
Ready and waiting
With a narcotic stare
That she was creating
Morphine shot through me
Injects though my blood
Her touch set me free
In a glorified flood
She put on her halo, and I heard her sing
We were pressing toghether, like soft static cling
She is the scissors, and I am the string
She adorns me with cuts, and a beautiful sting
Author notes
May 27, 2007.... Yesterday, I was with my girlfriend all day. It was one of the greatest days of my life... We had lesbian sex for like hours and that's what the poem is about... "scissors" is reffering to her legs, if you didn't get that.
4. gay/lesbian sex
3, An erotic piece about your first Bi experience
A contest entry
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1350 points, ended June 10, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
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450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 39 entries
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Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - contest 2 by This heart of black.
450 points, ended July 18, 2007, 7 entries
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Silver trophy winner
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475 points, ended October 2, 2007, 11 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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sweet
that was hot -
I also loved your last stanza the best, It felt like you both are so much in love and enjoyed yourselves
the poem was really sensual and beautiful
good luck in the contest..xx
Lisa..
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wow that was interesting..i liked the ending especially
She put on her halo, and I heard her sing
We were pressing toghether, like soft static cling
She is the scissors, and I am the string
She adorns me with cuts, and a beautiful sting
awsome!! good luck =D -
Hey great write!
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This was a really good peice.. i enjoyed this much, The way you used Scissors to show her legs was good..Well thank you for joining and good luck...
Laters...
Loves....*hugs* -
I like your poem because you arent afraid to express the way you feel towards someone of the same sex. I wish i had as much courage as you.
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This very sensual has a nice flow...
thank you and Good Luck in the contest.
e
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well well i see you have very strong faith in this piece as you have had it in tons of competitions dear this was absolutely great i loved it to death you did superb!
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This is an interesting piece, and I thought the metaphor in the last two lines was unique and intense. Thanks for entering my contest.
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Awesome write....sweet....That is very good...You did one good job writing about an experience...I love the whole theme of scissors that is good...I enjoyed the read and thanks for entering the contest.
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you did one hell of a great poem here and I loved it the way you added information for those that did not understand.
Riftkin -
i love the way that it flows and the rhyme scheme was wonderful...your choice of metaphors (comapring her legs to scissors) was really unqiue....i enjoyed reading this piece a lot....your grilfriend must be really proud to know you write of her
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very well writen,
loved the metaphore!
thankyou for the entry and good luck
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this was cool its funny cause i have a piece called pina colada and i think i bring up the same thing with the scissor issue
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Loved the flow and the metaphoric way you did this. Simply put this was awesome. I loved it. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you.
**Master Ktulu** -
You know, even if you hadn't put the meaning of the scissors in the AN, it still would've been an excellent poem ... dark, but very good
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Well i didnt get it at first but now i do its aight its jsut that it wasnt easy to undestand i mean the metaphors confused me
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Firstly, now this is a personal suggestion. I would separate you lines into 4 lined stanzas, this helps the rhyming words flow more effectively. I quite like your opening simile, came a calm and blessed feeling.
Now again this is a person opinion, I would change the rhyme of the last two lines on line 15 and 16. It would flow perfectly well and not feel too overcrowded and forced if they didn’t have the same rhyme as lines 13 and 14.
Overall, the poem is strong with both poetical devises and imagery. Well done. Ohh I forgot you have a small mistype on line 14
As you are aware this is the erotic section of the contest, I don’t feel this is as such erotica. I believe this would be better suited in the love category of the contest. http://allpoetry.com/contest/2352374
Well done and thank you for entering the 2007 raven contest, I wish you the very best of luck
Moonlight raven
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It was a different poem but I liked it. Good work.
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I like this. It blends tasteful and taboo.
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
Good Write. Thanks for entering and good luck
Emerald Fire -
interesting metaphors. religious and barber metaphors. i was thinking that this was about getting a haircut, but was surprised when it was about sex
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Oh, this is quite something. The rhyming is really well done, very melodical and natural. The metaphors are lovely. I love how you talk about this in such an abstract way. Tiny typo in together, antepenultimate line. 'Inject though my blood' I think need rephrasing.
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I got it and now I need a towel
Love, C
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Beautiful poem, though when I read it I couldn't tell it had anything to do with sex. But still, very nice. I liked the adjetives you used, they were... different, but in a good way.
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this is great, i love the rhyme and the metaphores used, really well written thanx for entering i love it xx
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