The old man started down the road,
that old straight road that never ends.
And thither he'll release his load,
and in his heart he'll make amends.
He'll turn once more to say farewell.
She follows after him to try
to see if he can stay awhile.
But he just winks and says, "Don't cry."
"I want my last to be your smile."
He starts again down that old road.
And with a heavy-hearted sigh,
the old man turns once more to say
"It's my time to say goodbye,
I have many more years than they."
He strokes her cheek and fights a tear.
"Don't fret my child," he says as he walks,
"You're strong, and have no need to fear.
"Just remember all our talks,
and keep in mind I'm always near."
With that, he travels on.
Author notes
Just a random poem I wrote.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I liked how you worked in a spoken part of the narrative here. This poem is a telling, right? Cool!
It reminds me, if you'll indulge me, of Kalil Gibran's the Prophet, who was detained, to one last time speak to the town's people, before continuing on his road. In that case, it was over water.
I'm always reticent about comparing a story with another,
almost implying that this is nothing new and singular.
So believe me that this is not the case.
A very good write, germane rhymes, fluid narrative.
Sincerely,
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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Universal love and loss. . .
My interpretation of this lovely poem is that this old man has lived a full life and has just now passed on, and is in a state of transition with enough time to say a loving farewell to this child - perhaps his own grand daughter.
Based upon the comments you've received, it seems to have a universal appeal that touches others deeply; one can relate to the old man on some level as a representation of loss, yet with the promise that our loved ones who have passed on are still near us and will always live in our hearts.
Rhiannon
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I really like this,this is deeply pennned!..great write..Hazel
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Wow
When you write random you write good as always lol, I thought this was very heart felt an expressed. I liked it a lot. Keep up the great work. -
Hey man...!!! u r surely a great poet and i luv the amazing write..the imagery is beautiful and strong and is very deep!! it rhymed good too at some places which was the best part..The lyrics make this one of more importance and this one is just amazing.
this is a great job, and i look forward to read more of yours. This was very very emotional and it expresses kindness and sure ppl go and laeve us since no1 will stay wid ur forever, and the note to keep happy and not cry a tear is the bestest part... u surely are a sweetheart
God bless,
Love,
-Mansoor -
I just want to start out by saying thank you for making me cry. I'm not even lieing. That was so sad. It hurts so bad to read this . So many people have passed away in my life in these past two weeks and two of them were my uncles. And this being a man . I mean this really hits home. Reminds me of my dad . But then againi take it all the way back around and it reminds me of my husband. He's always on the road because he is a truck driver and he knows sometimes i cry when he leaves and he tells me not to. and just smiles. everything you say here , is making me cry, so if i mistyped anything it's because i can't see. you are wonderful sweetheart and thank you for sharing this .
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Excellent Poem
Good words from the poet!keep up the writing utensils in hand!Your good a talent!Lisa K Haslett Raytown missouri! -
Sounds either like the passing away of a father or husband. Kinda sad and happy at the same time. Aw, now I want to cry! *tissue*
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Wow, this is interesting, to say the least! I love it though, this poem is amazing. A brilliant poem, Dan, one that I can read endlessly and never be bored of.
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Good job Dan. I think this would make an interesting full length story. Keep up the good work.
Brian -
ooo very good!
i love this
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