A dark, sensual presence she emitted,
Her skin was dark silk, purest ecstasy,
Sweet as magnolia incense, deadly as a snake.
I met her in New Orleans in the Absinthe House Bar,
She struck like a viper and wrapped around my soul
And for a moment in time the noise and clamor
Of the mediocre world outside drowned.
We became people in a dream.
And there was something about her.
Something nameless, unspeakable, ancient,
Yet I was drawn to her like dark to night.
Bad Mojo, that's what it was.
The kind Muddy Waters sang about,
And I have never been the same.
A contest entry
- Your name is your title by Random Thoughts.
600 points, ended June 17, 2007, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A spiritual experience by Uncle.
1200 points, ended August 12, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well, yes but.....
Nice writing, but it didn't come across to me as personal, or even real, and though you were changed somehow, it wasn't clear how, and to what depth. You might have had an experience like this in New Orleans, but it sounded a bit slick, borrowed, stylized and not enough meat for me to see the spiritual. But backing it up, for somewhere else, which is no doubt what first inspired this, it was good writing. Dave -
Fantastic poem, really well written and easy to read,
Loved the wording and the storey,
Well done and thanks for a great entry,
Good luck in the contest,
-Brenden -
Great expression of your past. I like how the title reflected to a song which made you feel the same way. It's hard to relate to something I didn't go through, but I still enjoyed it. Flowed well and had some rhyming in it. Good job
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Wow, that's really good. Great use of words... I felt like I was there. Very edgy poem, lol. I don't know what else to call it. Delicious, enticing, dangerous.
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