Crashing on the sealine shore
Are the waves crashing and slappin evermore
There are the creature's so fragile they are
Coming from here and there near and far
Then there are the birds flying up so high
Flowing and glowing in the moonlit sky
Drifting on the dilgent ocean's breeze
Far as the human eye's can see
As the moonlight cascade's off the ocean top
The overlapping waves of the tide never stop
The sea waters seeping into the sealine coves
The warm sand beneath my toes
As the star fish lay scatter on the sealine shore
Where the ocean's tides and waters were before
- Get Read group list • next in list
A contest entry
- So You Think You Have Soul?? by Trixie08.
300 points, ended September 2, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open To Anything At All by Poetic Rage.
450 points, ended June 2, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ 5-20 lines ♥ Anything Goes! by vampireblood.
410 points, ended June 5, 2007, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Colorful Image Contest by FaintWhispers.
450 points, ended May 30, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Trophy-less Poets, Come Forth! by broken-colours.
450 points, ended June 8, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Warm beaches and sunny California by daydreamercate.
525 points, ended December 2, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pen Your Passion by Heavenly Angel.
550 points, ended March 29, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! III by Nam.
1750 points, ended April 14, 159 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm Crazy....but OH WELL!!! PREWRITE CONTEST!!!! by Kathraina.
575 points, ended April 18, 296 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest just because I want to comment people. by AutumnsFlame.
400 points, ended May 29, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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Good description, but I think you should drop the rhyme. Here's a fact about rhyming--- Some can pull it off, and some can't. This didn't seem to pull it off well. It sounded like you were trying to hard.
"There are the creature's so fragile they are"
^This line reminded me of Yoda because you seemed to be talking backwards. The apostrophe in "creatures" also does not need to be there.
Also, I think your grammar needs improvment. You shouldn't capitalize every line. Poets just don't do that anymore. You could also use some periods and commas. Thank you for entering my contest. -
I like the flow.Not the kind of poem I'd read,but it's nicely done.I like the imagery
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Marvelous piece, the flow here is fantastic!
Great job!
♥ Kate -
"As the moonlight cascade's off the ocean top" -- I believe that "cascade's" would be "cascades", without the apostrophe.
Other than that: a nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
A phenominal write. Imagery was superb. Flowed beautifully.
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I've never seen the ocean in person but it's not hard to imagine with your beautiful words
A little punctuation would help with reading.
Great write!!
~Sarah
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Some imagery was beautiful in here, some were quite dissonant too.
check your spelling i am almot sure that slapping has a G on the end and dilgent I believe is also spelt incorrectly but can't for the life of me at this hour to correct it lol.
well done great effort and thankyou very much for entering.
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This is really good imagery and feeling in this one. Reads like a great nature read. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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I love the ocean, personally and I found this to be a truly wonderful depiction
Thank you so much for being part of the contest and sharing your passion -
nice
nice subject and great rhyming. flows well. I love the subject. I can see in my mind the seashore. Great job, mark
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I love the way you wrote of the ocean and breeze I grew up with the view in my back door I miss it. your poem brought it back to life for me God bless you Hun Angel
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While the rhyme and the meter were a little rough, the imagery was beautiful.
"As the moonlight cascade's off the ocean top
The overlapping waves of the tide never stop
The sea waters seeping into the sealine coves
The warm sand beneath my toes"
These lines I especially liked, great picture.
I also think that the poem could use a bit of punctuation, but that of course is a personal preference, it might help with the choppyness.
Beautiful piece thanks for entering into the contest!
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Absolutly beautiful imagery expressed with great wording and flow. Brought me back to my childhood where the ocean was in my backyard...Now I am 2,000 miles away, thanks for the free visit! :-) Great write.
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very nice
it's like a tele-port-ation session. lovely~
words flowed so strongly
encasing my thoughts
as your wave
control
me
congratulations on all the trophies that this poem won!
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Great Imagery and I hope you win at least one trophy for your effort
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beautiful imagery, i felt like i was walking along with you, very well done...Scott
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Incredible imagery...
Describing such beauty..
Nature is amazing.
With such words fit together greatly
Boundless work. -
this reminds me of this on time i went to the beach i think its a great poem but just a little rought
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okay this poem has a lot of problems- the flow goes okay but that is because it is forced rhyme at some point. Think out what you want to say and say it within a rhyme. I'm a coward of rhyming and rarely do it because of the limitations on myself. Also avoid words like, "Then there are". Do you need these words. Poetry should be short and concise. It should give the reader a potent message and truth be told- you can do it however you want as long as you get that powerful message into he air. Anyways, I thought it was a good attempt and I actually think it was a good write with some improvements to be made. Then again, what poem doesn't need some fixin'. Keep writing
AtiVan
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Gorgeous, simply gorgeous. I love the fresh and light-hearted imagery of this. Thanks for your entry & good luck
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wow. the rythm and ryhming in this is just amazing. And I know this picture. I could see it as I was reading, and I love the ocean as well. It's so big and magnificent, without any boundaries!
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UNIVERSAL APPEAL
So nice to read some ones thoughts on somthing besides their own problems.It was a feeling that was past on by you in a grand literary style. Now all I have to do is get the sand off my feet.Just wonderful. THANKS.
LOWELL POE -
I enjoyed reading this piece, it was full of imagery. The poem also flowed and rhymed very nicely. The only thing is that in your second line on the first stanza, I think you meant slapping instead of slappin. But thats a simple error, no big deal. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
It is awesome and such a wonderful job. Keep them coming with as much emotion. It just pours from you.
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This for me was the written rap of the year BRAVO!
I love the theme (I'm biased I live by the scene you describe and it is spot on!
The rhyme scheme is wonderful rhyming couplets all the way which set the pace and for me represented the tide drawing in and out to the rhythmn of the words VERY GOOD!
I loved the alliteration you used "Crashing on the sealine shore."
and the effective onomatopeia " Crashing"
You set the scene straight away and I could picture it and hear it.
This brought the poem to life well done.
I like the last 2 lines in the first verse it made me read on!
"There are the creature's so fragile they are
Coming from here and there near and far"
An awareness of nature and life. It's cute and I love where you went with the imagery. that made this beach seem so special and important with your distances.
"Flowing and glowing in the moonlit sky
Drifting on the dilgent ocean's breeze
Far as the human eye's can see."
You changed the rhyme sceme is this deliberate? It is close but not quite there "see"
I like your inward rhyme very powerful and moved the poem along.
"Flowing and glowing"
"As the moonlight cascade's off the ocean top"
the word cascade and the description here for me is magic this is my favorite line.
i love your last rhyming couplet. It finnishes the poem off well and In such a dramatic juxtaposition with the crashing waves at the beginninng. It's wonderful!
It is almost like the moon has charmed the water.
" As the star fish lay scatter on the sealine shore
Where the ocean's tides and waters were before."
Great imagery! great rhyme! Loved it
I will put this pretty poem in my house with the authors name at thae bottom so that everyone can see it!!! As long as have your permission to do so!
FANTASTIC!!!!
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My kind of poem. A well defined image of how life is by the seashore and on the ocean. I enjoy your writing very much. Excellent work and best of luck in the competition.
Peace and love,
Petratani
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excellent
Very well done. It gave me a very smooth, flowing sense for the ways the words were. You did an excellent job, Rick
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Wonderful Imagery
A very beautiful piece. So full of picture perfect imagery!! I love the beach it is the most peacful place on Earth I think. You have brought the beach to teh mountains for me and I thank you!!
Great write!!
Shannon
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nice - very very nice. I don't think I have read such beautiful description except in the classics. Wonderful.
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Welcome to AP and thanks for commenting on my poetry. You have been busy writing and entering contests and commenting in the two days you have been here. Liked the rhythm and rhyme in these lines, the lovely vivid visual images one gets when reading this, and the flow of the piece as well. Hope you get a chance to write much more poetry and maybe take some classes from the great instructors on this site. Most important thing is to have fun.
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a great poem. i like your stanza 1
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Such beautiful words my new friend...just love the way you showed us the ocean and the stars it does hold...The sweet glow of the never ending moon just how fragile life can be
Thank you so much for sharing
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Bravo!
Very nicely done, I love the wording and descriptions-- they've said it before, I'll say it again, wonderful imagery. -
Some of these lines are unclear.... Pretty poem though. Keep on writing.
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This was soft and flowing like the tide washing upon the shore in the early morning light. Peaceful and content in just what it was not needing anything else to add to its beauty. Well written.
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hmm
i liked this. it painted a soft, beautiful picture. some botes though. you need spell check, lol and you need to reread some sentances lol. if you spelled correctly ,use punctuatuion, have no slang and such then your poetry will be far easier to understand and a picture will be painted by your pen for you seem to have quite the talent, you just need the writers ettiquette to back it up
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I love you! I'm a big ocean lover, so this is great . However, I do have grammar corrections and a few suggestions.
Suggestion One - You may want to consider changing "Are the waves crashing and slappin evermore" to "Are the waves crashing, slapping evermore".
Suggestion Two - I think the line "There are the creature's so fragile they are" would flow and read better without the last two words.
Suggestion Three - You remove the "and" in the second stanza, on the second line.
Suggestion Four - add two more lines to the final stanza to make it form poetry.
Corrections - Stanza one, third line: "creature's" should be "creatures." Stanza one, fourth line: there should be a comma after the word "there" and before "near". Second stanza, third line: I'm not sure, but I think the word you mean to use was "diligent"? But you put "dilgent"... Second stanza, last line: it should either be "eye" or "eyes" instead of "eye's". Third stanza, first line: I believe it should be "cascades" instead of "castcade's". Third stanza, third line: "waters" should be "water's". It's the one time you should've put an apostrophe but didn't !
Those are all minor things, but it's great as it is as well. Thank you for entering and good luck!
~ Wild
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I like this poem. It has good imagery. Good rhyme. Some of the lines could be shortened and still say much. Just my opinion, waves roaring, slappin in lieu of crashing as it was used in the previous line.
Eliminate the words Are, the.
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This is very soulful, I loved the picture and overall mood you created in this piece and it makes for a very good entry. Words alone can't express how much I love your poem. All of your poetry in fact. Thank you and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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great imaginary, beautiful words made gallary. It's very pretty, the describtion of the nature, every little detail is so nice and flowing well.
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Beautiful
Everyone that knows me knows I LOVE the ocean. I love poems about the ocean and I've written and drawn many pieces about the ocean.
I could envision this.
Looking forward to reading more.
Peace to you and thanks for serving for us and protecting the U.S.
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This is quite beautiful and the graphics I see are most amazing....welcome to AP...I hope you stay awahile...smiles, Terry
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Very nicely written... You've painted some very beautiful images here. Thank you for adding this to the list for "Je Veux Que Tu Saches" ~ Z
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This is my best piece.
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