It started over nothing,
I made you feel stupid,
I threatened your knowledge,
not on purpose,
but when you're wrong,
you're wrong,
I had to tell you.
But you wouldn't believe me,
you pretend not to be mad,
but you are,
it's really obvious.
You say the problem is that "I forget you're only 14,"
but that's not true,
you don't know how smart I really am.
I'm not your mother,
you won't win,
I'm stubborn,
I'll fight to the end,
try me; you'll see.
You did.
You saw.
Don't worry,
I'm not mad,
only upset at my own horrible feeling of triumph.
I shouldn't be happy,
but I am.
I'm competitive,
I won your game,
but now I'm over it,
are you?
No,
I can see it,
I can see right through you,
but you insist,
"I'm over it,"
no,
you're not.
It gets me even more mad,
you say things,
pretend it's nothing,
but now I'm just too angry,
I warn you like Japan,
I have the A-Bomb,
but you don't shut up,
you never shut up!
Why?
Doesn't matter.
So I continue to threaten,
but you just don't stop,
so I unleash my weapon of mass destruction,
I call you a FAILURE
but you seem unaffected,
and I must admit,
I'm surprised.
But no matter,
I rant on,
talking so fast,
I make a mistake,
you mock me like the boys in my class,
it enrages me,
fires burn,
words soar,
temperatures rise,
shut up!
Shut Up!
SHUT UP!
I release a string of meaningless four letter words I don't think I even understand,
you charge at me like a ram,
indeed you impale my heart,
yes, you are an animal,
but no you are not brave,
like a bee,
you sting me at the sides,
with spiteful poison you cal ordinary honey,
oceans are dumped on the floor,
yet I do not drown,
I force my head up above the waters,
but you send winds telling lies,
saying that I'll be cut from the people who bare my formal name,
saying that you're the favorite,
saying that I'll be sorry,
and once again you are wrong,
and once again I must tell,
so I do.
The storm dies down,
but you are still buzzing in my ear, still stinging me,
still hurting me,
I hear those words echo through the room,
those letters forming knives ready to attack,
you say you don't need this,
you're already stressed,
you say this isn't good for you,
and it isn't good for me,
that...
maybe,
maybe this isn't worth it.
Maybe we should just go our separate ways,
and stubborn me must agree,
but these words,
words I thought I wanted to hear,
words I thought would be like medicine to my stings,
they hurt,
and I remain allergic,
to you.
A contest entry
- completely anything you want! NO RULES WHAT~SO~EVER! by ibsons hysops.
1000 points, ended May 30, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give me some good feedback real soon. Comment about anything you wish. Be critical too, It's fine. Thanks mucho.
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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wow this is an amazing poem,
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I love the way you described the other person's words as the ocean, the wind, and how you turned them into a bee. This is exactly how i feel when i fight with my family.
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It may be long as those two said but I think it makes for a gripping read. I liked how it kept going and it stayed on track. I liked this ALOT!
Good Write!!!!
~Katie
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I have to agree with Magik, you should probably think about cutting it down, but it's still a good poem.
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Its a little long, i got lost in the length and missed some of the points you were trying to make. The ending is very strong though, try to cut it down some, do you NEED to say all of that (the answer can be yes, its YOUR poem, you decide) I think it would be more effective if it was shorter, but deffinetly keep the last few lines.
~AJ -
nice, I really like the title and how it's also your ending sentence. It has a good story to it.
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Allergic - very clever!! I thought this was a very emotive write. I'm not usually into long writes but I liked this. I loved the ending...
Thanks for sharing!! -
this is good.
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wow
i can't believe how much i can realate to this it is so magnifcently wonderful! keep writing!!
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I love the message of this poem, and it flows well. Though it sounds like a message written to a person rather than a poem. More like what you would put in your journal or something, but still really good. You have a lot of maturity and I like that. This is definitely easy to relate to, and oh ok you actually acknowledged this is kind of rambling, and I respect that. You use really good word to express your pain. I love how you describe being allergic to this person.
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I must say the length almost put me off, but once you get to reading you realise it isn't quite as long as you first because of the short line structure. I am glad that I wasn't put off however as this is a great piece of writing.
I really like this peice, the short lines give this poem an erratic nature, as though love and pain has caused madness. Perhaps the allergic reaction mentioned.
I love the idea of letters forming knives, a brilliant piece of imagery that makes a deep imprint on the reader because we all know what you mean and yet the image seems almost strange.
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wow, that was long. well, i would say that you placed a lot of effort in this and you seem like ruling the world in this poem, hehe. anyway, yeah, you expressed all your feelings in here, especially the cockyness
good poem! 
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I thought this was amazing. I love it. I didn't think it was too long! I really loved it. It made me think a lot!!
Hugs
K xx
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Very nice
but I agree about that it's a bit long and could have sounded better sumed up, cause with few phrases I kind of got lost. Very nicely written, it's so very nice just need a bit of shortening or phrases fixing. -
I like how it seems like a story of you arguing with someone. I think the poem would be more powerful if you made it shorter and tried to sum everything up a bit. But the metaphors in the end were bomb, overall good write.
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great poem
yes i thort this was a very well written poem with a lot of good feelings in it and very well verst you have a gift for writing and I like your stile I'm only new to this as well I sind up 2 days ago and I thank you for the nice things you said about my poem as well as it means alot to me so keep writing all the great words and I hope to read more from you to come take care and best wishes from Colin as Tolmah1 -
Great Writing!!!
Good Luck in the Contest!!!
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Love it, but it started a little bit slow. The metaphors toward the end made it great. The A-bomb one is kickass.
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i like the idea of it defenitly at the beginning i had a hard time understanding it but as it moved along you really started writting some quotable lines in there
xoxox -
wow damn this was really freaking awesome. I love all the metaphors in this! the ocean thing, and just everything wow this was so great!
oh and thanks for the comment on my poem. I think I will add more in a bit.
I'll let you know.
Great write!
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Excellent
You wrote this so well, it gave me a flashback to an argument I had with Lance (I know you don't know who Lance is, but if you keep in touch with me for any length of time, you will).
I like your wording and the way you just hang everything out there, all raw emotion and honesty. Great write! I hope you post more soon.
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Kl i like it, the whole idea of 'allergic' i love, personally it's a bit long for my taste but i think it works. I like the bit, 'fires burn, words soar... etc' but not so keen on the atomic bomb bit. I think it's really good though an thanx for your comments on my works.
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Wow! This is long but worth the read. You display alot of emotion in this piece. You wrote this well. Thanks for sharing.
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wow
and what can i say.
this was long but worth the read,
the effort to love and hate this person
wanting to bring them to a place of seperation but hold them to you
a torant of words to keep this bee there,whan a mear sqat would send it away, still not clear if it is friend lover sibling or your self, that is good or not.
loved this
thanks
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Realy Long
That was pretty much amazing! Wow- That was very true for probably everyone. Thanks for reading Lottery. A lot of research and the interview with my Gramps went into it. Cause I'm sure not a boy from that time period. But am almost 18
peace.love.write.&liptontea.
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