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the green sweater

I know a family
always smiling

they love each other
it shows

I have fun with them
we laugh together

one night their daughter wore a green sweater
it was perfect
baggy enough to look comfortable
finely made, yet vintage
she looked like a hippie
I imagine her saying 'peace' with a smile

I'm convinced
that if only
I had a green sweater
just like that
I'd be happy

material possesions
I know
don't make you happy

but the green sweater was so small
insignificant
surely it's not
too much to ask

if it is the key
to a loving family

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • nobodys-girl
    May 29, 2007

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    i wish something small like that was the key to a loving family. i'd buy mine 100. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • whiterabbit.
    May 28, 2007

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    This was really interesting and the imagery was brilliant. I love the lost in thought tone to it. This is just great. I adore it.


  • ibsons hysops
    May 27, 2007

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    The imagery and the way you moved within your words was shear brilliance on your part with thisd one!!! i really Love Poetry such as this because it is so endearingly beautiful to read and enjoy!!!!!


  • asinnerliketherest
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm. I really like this one. What's so significant here is that you took one object and built your story and image around it. In fiction this is called framing. The interesting thing about the style here is that the piece reads more like a story than a poem, it tells a story, and I like poems that do this. Early on this was one of the first styles of poetry writing I really embraced. It suits you well -- especially in its

    juxtaposition in:

    "I'm convinced
    that if only
    I had a green sweater
    just like that
    I'd be happy

    material possesions
    I know
    don't make you happy"

    This breaks down cliche by telling the truth as it is, your way. And that's freakin' special and impressive.

    conclusion -- there's a deeper sub textual message here which is ultimately realized in the last four lines:

    "surely it's not
    too much to ask

    if it is the key
    to a loving family"

    An intriguing thought -- that while you suggest that in that material green sweater is the key to family, yet that's not what you're really saying, that's not what you're really recognizing. . . With this story you are showing us what family is, and that my friend is literature. Finely done.


    • be a circle
      May 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Surely you know how much it means to me that you approve. Thanks bunches.

1 - 5 of 5