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Her silence sang
fingers metamorphosed
butterflies darts of light.
Words -- dislodged feathers
falling across my inner tongue.
River to bay nestled
against shoreline,
laughter, quick
otter’s race,
dances in her eyes.
Her fingers -- now partnered
with my thick trees --
become dryads, steal
into heart wood, stir
sap -- rushes out from stem
creates blossoms wrapped
in green.
Roots stir, pull
energy
out of the dark deep
so I can meet the breezes
she plays through branches.
We become mantled in raptured
quiet, our cloak lined in light.
Creating a quick bright spring
bubbling to a fast silver rill --
our thrill down hill’s rushed fall.
Breathing in unison, fingers fast --
locked. We border the inseparable.
Still
3:44 PM
May 26, 2007
Newington, VA
Author notes
She knows
In a list
- Hands on the heart • next in list
- Silence • next in list
- Thirty Days, thirty poems of love • next in list
A contest entry
- Not the Average Love Poem by bachelorette.
525 points, ended June 7, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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Where others see structure...
...I'm getting a more amorphous feel, the breeze takes your words where larger forces of sunlight and tide logically direct them... ultimately predestined, though seemingly random. Interesting debut for your series of 30.
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See, this is exactly what I was getting at, your love and the expressions of it, never ceases to amaze me. This is such a beautiful piece.
*sighs* Magic, plain and simple. 
sniff sniff
Love,
Ash
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This one is part of two. I thought you would like this and it was the first poem in the list. Glad to know you see the magic.
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This one and the other one as well were made to sing when I read at an open mic. I will admit my ear is tuned that way. I read one recently called "A Catch ..." that sang so well that the crowd was mesmerized and the women so misty eyed. It is only a study in breath, but it sings like a song of love and joy. I will admit I listen to much to Dylan Thomas read his poetry and prose to often
You are very cogent in your understandings and sensitive to little suble interplays I let play into the underpinnings of my poem.It makes your reviews a joy to read. Thank you. Love Tom B. -
How perfect that you used otters with laughter, anyone who has watched otters at play knows that is the perfect comparison. They seem to be built of laughter as they dart about!
The subtle rhyming in the last few lines is well done as well, it seems to speed the flow of those lines but not overly and the sound itself is rather sweet and melodic (ill), to partner with the tone of the poem. And the final word, by its lonesome, is the best, such an ending, on its own yet connected by its sounds to the previous...
/ramble off!
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This one and the other one as well were made to sing when I read at an open mic. I will admit my ear is tuned that way. I read one recently called "A Catch ..." that sang so well that the crowd was mesmerized and the women so misty eyed. It is only a study in breath, but it sings like a song of love and joy. I will admit I listen to much to Dylan Thomas read his poetry and prose to often
You are very cogent in your understandings and sensitive to little suble interplays I let play into the underpinnings of my poem.It makes your reviews a joy to read. Thank you. Love Tom B.
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WOW
This is amazing. I cant even find the right words to describe how awesome this poem is. You are amazing.
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You should try. It is like holding your heart and hearing it whisper words to you. Then when the morning is still filling your fingers with light you can press images onto the paper and hear spirit breathe across the page. Thanks.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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congrats!
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Thank you. May you find the sun smiling on your doorstep.
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After so much visual movement and expressing so much energy and sexual passion - I thought the word "still" in the end brought it to a close so beautifully.
Does passion like this really exist Tom? I really want to know now!
Rohina
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It takes two. Am I this passionate? I can be, I have been.
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• This piece is beautiful. All of the imagery and descriptions are interesting and thought-provoking. I really like your unique adjectives and verbs: “dislodged,” “partnered,” “raptured,” etc. You definitely took care with your words.
• The first few reads, the punctuation (or rather the sometimes lack-thereof) threw me, causing me to have trouble with one passage in particular: lines 13-15. But I did get through it.
• I like all of the nature metaphors, but I don’t think coupling nature and love is very unique. The metaphors themselves are, though. They are magical.
• Thank you for a beautiful and luscious entry.
-K
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You are right about the punctuation in that particular area and after playing with it some, I shall have to re write it I think. I enjoy a good critique because I am far from perfect and can use a good pair of second eyes. At this point in time I was working with Silence and I am prone to nature images, symbols and metaphors. You are right nothing out of the ordinary. Enough people have talked about me haveing a unique voice that I trusted that to make it not average, plus a certain amount of ego. For which, I apologize. Again my thanks, Peace & Love, Tom B.
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Another great one on.....................
silence....How do you come up with the words to write so beautfiully on silence? I never though of silence being so beautiful until now. I guess we can learn alot from being out in nature listening to the sounds of the earth and reflect or just enjoy it with a loved one as you apparently often do. Thanks again for sharing such an amazing piece with us here....~~Toni~~
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This is mated with one called Wither Comes The Owl. It helps that I am a Silent meeting Quaker. Or perhaps because the woman is deaf. But it may be that to really hear the heart one has to still the Mind and seek the moment. Love, Tom B.
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BAM
Another one that is fantabulous. Very pleasing to the mind. It's grand!!!!!!!!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT -
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I just thought you would enjoy them together better. Thanks for so willingly shareing the joy you found.
I am hesitant to share another but I am very proud of this one I wrote yesterday.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3029500
Live long and prosper, Tom B.
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This poem is similar to 'Wither Comes the Owl', correct? I love the tone you create in both poems, if possible I love this one even more than the other. It makes me feel like I am bathed in sunlight, and each line comes alive and makes me feel the true power of poetry...
"butterflies darts of light" and "become dryads steal into heart wood stir sap". These are my favorite lines because of the stunning balance of peace and power, if that makes sense. Absolutely stunning.
-cassidy
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This and the owl poem are a mated pair. I have groups and nests of poems that belong together, such as "The Risk" and "The Consequence" Also you will find them in lists like "The Mountain Flows to the Sea which is five poems from the mountains.
Wonderful description about being bathed in light. These were themed by the idea of Silence. You are right I see peace as powerful and active. Thanks for sharing such an in depth review.
Love, Tom B.
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Tom,
DANG! Love is so natural for you is it not?? And this poem well written, and shows the "ABOVE AVERAGE" love that is within your heart. I felt the breeze of your passion... and the tremble of your trees. THis poem is incredible!
Love,
Mel
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Love is natural for all of us. All we need do is put down our mind, breathe deep, wait for silence and then in the "now" we know we are part of everything. It doesn't come easy for me, it is just who I am. Love, Tom B.
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What I would give to feel a love like that. This is heavenly. I am so awestruck. I don't think I've ever read anything that has touched my heart this way before. I only hope to feel a love like that someday. This is beautiful.
becca
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This and the "Wither Comes the Owl" are a set. You got the message. Made me decide to write a poem a day to this person. If I touched your heart I am blessed. That is all an artist, like myself, can ask for. Thanks
Love,Tom B.
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My friend,
This is simply a gorgeous write! So soft, so beautiful, so absolutely breath taking! Sigh...
To have poetry like this written for you....wow!
I wish you all the very best in this contest! -
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Truth is: win or not I know now it isn't your average love poem.
I am glad you shared your joy about this one.
Love, Tom B.
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The sensualness of your words have been molded and shaped into such quality that cannot be forsaken in my mind...the magic that you have taken from natural beauty and spun it into loves desires well...you never cease to amaze and dazzle me with your wisdom, insight, brilliance, and beauty! Whoever "she" may be, is more than lucky....
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She knows. She has told me. I am just trying to find words that reflect all the feelings, sensations, spiritual lift and even more the magic. I love that you used that word. I want these all to be magical. Thanks for taking these so deep inside you and allowing them to flourish. Love, Tom B.
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"We become mantled in raptured
quiet, our cloak lined in light.
Creating a quick bright spring
bubbling to a fast silver rill --
our thrill down hill’s rushed fall."
...simply beautiful
Ruth
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I love the spin and fall of the sensual magical moments captured in words. I am so glad that you were willing to share the joy you have found in my simple words. Love, Tom B.
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"Roots stir, pull
energy
out of the dark deep
so I can meet the breezes
she plays through branches."
Ahhh, gorgeous, my Friend...I see it was well~received, too...Bravo, Poet...Good luck in the contest, Tom... Wanda
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I knew your eyes would capture the lovliness within the lines. Joy seems to share easily. So glad you took the time to drop by. Thanks. Love, Tom B.
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How could she not.. two-stepping among those blossoms green, petaled in mantles of light?
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You probably know who she is. I leave that hanging. Yes, she knows that is what matters. I have another same vein as this one. We will see how it sheds light.
Love, Tom B.
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This piece is magical! Each metaphor metamorphoses into a more beautiful way of love and it's discovery. Love does happen in unison, for it is a mutual thing if it is the greatest love(love in return). Your flow has not been rendered once, which does not surprise me, but it stayed tranquil as the hesitant breezes. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest! You took it's title and created something that will be more than just ANY love poem.
Love,
Ari
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This is about magic and love or is it love is magical and magic is best when it uses love. I don't know. This came from deep. Love is best when it works that way. Love,Tom B.
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This is certainly not the average love poem, yet there lingers that trace of love in the air throughout these lines, metaphoric and so sensual in their own way - she knows, I am sure she does. Unique, creative and very effective.
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This was the top of the wave one might say, in another way it is a piece I have been building towards for sometime. I don't want to talk about love, I want to evoke love, make love touch you and pull you towards it. I want to fill the poem with the energy of love and never have the need to say it. I am probably grandiose
But we all are at times.
Love, Tom B.
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GOLD GOLD GOLD!!!
DAYUM!!!!!
You wrote a cunning display of love in this poem. I think you made it so beautiful, you always seem to write so well! I loved this poem and I hope you win.
You works always have such imagery without making it feel like we are looking at what you are actually writing in the words. I seem to read beyond those and see what you are hiding within them. Good job!
Thanks for sharing with me.
Always,
Summer
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I have been writting on and off for forty years. I have tried to find ways to increase and deepen my sensitivity and my awareness of it. I think I still have a long way to go. In the process I am becoming better at evoking in poetry the vision I wish to share.
Thanks for being so vociferous in your joy.
Lovem Tom B.
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Tom, wonderful. You write so beautifully, love, beauty, sensuality permeate the page..and no doubt the sweet spirit that holds the pen.
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I tried to access a singular deep feeling at its root source. Let it use my pen as a mirror for the senses and love it holds. We are many people. The saddest things about the human race is how little it practices being.
Love, Tom B.
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Silence sang
butterflies of light
metamorphose - words
falling across my tongue
in a river of laughter,
my heart locked
inseparable
nestled against
his shoreline...
Using your words, I have created what I hope will tell you what this poem means to me...
Love, Lane
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Some words are harder to write than others and I reach into a deep silence to find them.
I wrote a second. I will post it sometime tomorrow. Again I plunged into my own heart and used the language that has grown to tell you.
The time for words is past and yet that ...
Love, Tom B.
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Umm! This one has some very deep metaphoric pictures. You don't just paint words in this beautiful sensual read, you are an sculptor. Creating a work of art that everyone should see.
I totally adore these lines:
"We become mantled in raptured
quiet, our cloak lined in light."
also:
"Breathing in unison, fingers fast --
locked. We border the inseparable.
Still"
Bravo! my poet friend... classic & sexy; write ON!
Novy
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I knew you would delight in the tactile qualities of this poem.
It really is a sculpture with words being the tools for carving the air and senses into form.
Thanks for all the joy shared.
Love,Tom B.
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definetly not average but most beautiful. not many people can write about love making and if you don't know what it is, completely miss the point of a most sensual poem. this is brillient. best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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Thought you might enjoy this. I like to bring light, awaken the senses to the reality, still the mind and let the spirit sing. Some times I even succeed. Thanks for sharing your joy.
Love, Tom B.
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Yes I think you are right, definately not your average love poem, but what a rush..even in the silence the sensual feeling of making love again with showing and sensing it is felt, without the words. You are a delight with the way you make it dance. Love, C
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I having trying for a whilen now to catch this Silence. I finally fluttered into my lap as I sat real still. In the quiet it flowed through my fingers and onto the page. Love, Tom B.
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