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The warmth in the heart♥

Just by a touch of his words
And how passionate he can be
My soul feels like it can fly once again
Especially be free.
Taking hold of my sweet sorrow
He makes me to feel the warmth
That he shares in his heart.

For the pain I've been in,
And the miserable tears I've cried,
He shares a little about himself
Which makes me feel like I'm not alone.
The feeling of being safe is the one thing I need right now,
And it feels like he's reaching out
Just to grab me from not falling.

Just hoping he won't give up on me,
Like some people did.

Author notes

Option #5 & #7.

I haven't been feeling all that great, but a few of my friends have tried to cheer me up from my depression and all. This one guy that I'm interested in and same with him have been in a rough & bumpy ride so I thought I would dedicate this to him, cause I got his back when he's sad or upset and I think he would for me too.

Hopefully you all would like this poem.

God Bless♥!!

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Comments


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    June 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is just lovely...to dedicate these words to someone that makes you feel so good
    I am sure he will like it a lot too..and if he is really your friend I am sure too he will not give up on you..

    Good luck in this contest
    XXJeannette


  • Emo Cowboy14
    May 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    aww. soo sweet. its realy good. i wish i had a lover that was like that. but only time will give.


  • Beating gold member
    May 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this. I've read it a couple of times, and it only gets better! Mind if I come with a few corrections? First one is just something that I think would sound better. In the second stanza I think line 5 and 6 should be put together, so that it would be:
    "The feeling of being safe is the one thing I need right now,". But that may just be me. I feel like that will help the rythm stay put.
    In the next line (line 7) it should be "he's" instead of "his".
    In the last line, I don't think you need the "on me", since you already used it in the line before. It sounds better without.
    In the second stanza line 4, I think you should leave out the "to". It doesn't belong there.

    Wow! I don't think I've ever written this long a comment. And especially not about a poem that I love as much as this one!


    • Touched by an Angel
      May 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Haha. I was just reading it again to see if I did anything wrong, and some that you pointed out were some I noticed. I wanted to make the correction before you read it, but thank you for connections and loving my poem. All of it was from the heart, no strings attached! Good Luck on judging!