He stares at the canvas devoid of any color
like a woman who yearns for her lover’s soft caress
it beckons to him and softly whispers his name
Reds and blues unite to create the object of his desire
as the colors of rapture and ecstasy
mingle with his tears of pain
Using his brush he slowly coaxes her image to the surface
in his mind’s eye her beauty will never diminish
she will always remain his sweet rose and his passion
He stares at the ghost whose eyes make silent accusations
why did you leave me
why did you never return
He opens his lips but no sound escapes
for he knows his words
would only come out as false and lies
He remembers being by her side
a heart beat a second too late
she was now beyond this world of mortals
He stares at the canvas devoid of any color
it beckons to him and softly whispers his name
in his mind’s eye she will always be his sweet rose
Author notes
(This a poem about love and obsession. An artist lost his love and his sanity. All he paints are portraits of his beautiful Lady Rose, who he lost while he sought fame and fortune.)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This is such a great premise for a poem. It's so good to see such a deep emotion embodied in a moment and an action. I really like it.
I think though that some of the descriptions let the poem down. Phrases like "her beauty will never diminish
she will always remain his sweet rose and his passion"
seem quite cliche'd. I think with some thought you could come up with a more interesting and original ways to say this that feel more authentic.
But i still like it. Well done
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Amazing
this had me from start to finish this is a fantastic piece, with great expression. Very very good.
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Ver interesting piece of work. I enjoyed reading this, it is so sad, but full of feeling and expression. You did a great job, keep up the great work.
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That was awesome. I could really feel the insanity and grief...and it helps that you used a lot of adjectives. Halfway through reading this I thought that it would have one of those twist endings where it turns out that he is the dead one or something like that but it really reminds me of Poe's The Raven (one of my favorites)
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This is a brilliant and very wonderful.
Amazing!!
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This poem is beautiful.
I think you portrade the obsession factor in an appropriate manner.
It was amazing..
I can see a man just fully consumed by his canvas in an insane attempt to recreate that in which he lost.
I has indeed intregued me as to the life an artist.
The drama, the insanity.
I look at my own works and also see a little of both.
But enough of my ramblings.
This is a masterpiece.
And do keep up your writings.
You're doing a splendid job so far.
xx. -
This is so vague I don't know what to say about it. It feels generic.
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Gosh this is pretty, But so sad.. It does make you think though...about how much one's mind can stay in focus on one thing, when a sense of loss, remorse...even guilt can set in. How it can make a person so unstable....to realize what they truly had...and lost, all it takes is a blink.
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splendid piece this
He stares at the ghost whose eyes make silent accusations
why did you leave me
why did you never return
He opens his lips but no sound escapes
for he knows his words
would only come out as false and lies
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This one really drew me in..I can relate to this poem alot.
"He stares at the ghost whose eyes make silent accusations"
I especially like this line. It shows his intense love and loss of sanity aswell.
great poem
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Encore so beautifully written. Such sweet words formed and shown, keep up the good work and may your pen flow forever. I love the way you pulled the image from the canvas.
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I think that this poem has a direct and powerful emotion that has no need of the explanation. In truth, for me, the explanation actually weakens the impact of the poem. Well written and beautifully balanced. thanks so much for the read.
Donald
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Dear Joe
This is the very first poem I've read since we've had the
casual/critical feature.
You know, in a way, it almost seems to me that this fellow is your patient. And he knows that by painting, he can resolve a lot of his anguish, because it has worked in the past for other things, but chooses only to paint pictures of her, which in turn only exacerbates the problem.
Typical melancholy. Not so typical poem though.
Good language, and the ambiance was palpable enough for me to want to get the paint smudge off my fingers!
Nice going!
Regards,
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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OMW
WOW! WOW!!! I LOVE it! The expression. How this man trys to paint his pain, the lost love the hurt! It's incredible!
There are no words! Ok This was my favorite part-"Using his brush he slowly coaxes her image to the surface" Beautiful wording! I am an artist and this holds true, you pull the image from the canvas not on it! wow! The only thing would be -"for he knows his words
would only come out as false and lies" I didn't quite understand the wording here, what would you say the difference between false and lies is? I am not saying you are wrong just asking for clarification. But all together wounderfull work! I suggest looking for a pre-write contest this would fit, I think it might be trophy worthy! I would certainly give it at LEAST a silver!So i through you a rose and blow you a kiss ♥ . Rock on!
Keep writing and God Bless <><,
~Amber <>-
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Nice
Very well written with a lot of raw emotion. A great read. My favorite part was:
He stares at the canvas devoid of any color
it beckons to him and softly whispers his name
in his mind’s eye she will always be his sweet rose
Wow such great feeling and imagery in that part. Great job and best of luck in your writing future.
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Really well written. It shows great passion and emotion. I really enjoyed reading it.
"He opens his lips but no sound escapes
for he knows his words
would only come out as false and lies"
I love that part of it the most. It sounds as if this person struggles to tell the truth and when trying to speak it, his words are forced backwards. Great read I loved it! -
This was such a wonderful piece, beautifully written. You have an amazing way with words. Awesome job, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Learn2Live
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Thanks ~ It always nice for some one to appreciate my work.
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