It was a dark and frosty night...
When she walked around at midnight...
And she heard a devils curse!
Come here or expect death… or worse.
She let out a little prayer...
Jesus, Lord and Saviour...
Rescue me now in this good reign...
Of fair Victoria our darling queen!
But she wanted to discover more...
So found the castle opened it's door...
It was all really dark inside...
She knew there was something that did hide!!!
Something shed not seen a bit like a ghost!
Then she saw the bones of her dead host!
And hostess dressed in a wedding veil!
Such a sorrow which should never be real.
“I wanted joy” the hostess said...
“A little child who wasn’t dead...
And springtimes spent by the river...
With my little son or daughter”
Instead though she had lost her husband!!!
And no angel with happy wand
Could come and take her woes away
Nobody it seemed could save the day.
A vampire doth come from out of the loch!
And said “pretty maid suck on my cock”!
And as she did this she was strangled to death
He laughed at what was her final breath.
Then the young woman whod come to call ...
Said “Kill both of us or none at all”!
“My dear thou art too pretty, I saved thee til last...
Now I’m going to fuck thy ass”!!!
She screamed as he did, then he bit her neck!
It was all horrid and bleading and red
She screamed again “OH NO OH NO ......
HE JUST GAVE ME A HORRID BLOW” !
Then a noble steed came riding through
And saved her as the vampire he slew!
His name was Jesus so he saved...
The woman who he thought was dead.
He was an English Jesus too!
Curtesy of Red White and Blue!
So god bless queen Victoria!
They said as they all worshiped her.
Why Victoria? Because thee see...
The storys set in history...
And now its 2007 !!!
All the good people wented to heaven.
And the nasty demon where doth he dwell?
Its a place who we call hell !!!
A place wehre fire is burning and red ...
Maybe hes sad that hes all dead?
Author notes
Deliberately bad. I can usually write decent poetry which is spelled/punctuated correctly, so assume everything bad about this poem is intentional and everything good is not.
A contest entry
- Bad Poetry by Bapudi.
400 points, ended June 20, 2007, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How can I make this poem worse? Would cutting help?
Comments
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also
You asked how to make it worse. Geez, if it was like five pages long that would be worse. Also, maybe some pseudo-Shakespearean stuff with thous and doths and things like that. *shrug* I like how people actually messaged you saying that they liked it and thought it was a good poem!!! Haw!!! -
A+ for effort.
I think you managed to cram every last detail of my prompt into your poem -- truly impressive. I see goth, romance, cute things, cliches and bad rhymes, as well as exclamation points galore (even double), banality, didactic explanations. One of the worst. Thanks!
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"I wish you woudn't copy me"
hahahaha, quite enjoyed the "mistakes" and as the lady said "too good to be true". Still liked the poem though, not as classy as your last but still on a higher plain than most. WASP.
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Darn, just as I was about to be able to give a critique about the punctuation and a wrong word... I should have known it was too good to be true
Actually it's a good poem, very intrigueing, kind of eerie. and aside from the 'deliberate' bad of it, it's a wonderfully told story
I wish you the best in the contest, it's a really good 'bad' job
love and
Mom
PS... and hey, you didn't read your birthday poem yet. I sent you two messages about it
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