I know what it's like to miss someone,
To hate them for all that they'd done,
Sometimes loathe them because they left
And despise the Lord for their theft.
Months pass, left far down the track
And now your world is white and black.
For something colored, you cut yourself,
Ease the pain caused by He, Himself.
Spread your wings to fly up above,
Knowing that you've lost your love.
Speed up and aim for the earth
Wishing you'd never seen your birth.
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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What a great poem. It really shows what some people go through when someone important leaves... Well done.
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This is really deep with emotion. Also nice rhyming. I loved the poem. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you'll feel better.
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"And now your world is white and black.
For something colored, you cut yourself"
Those are my favorite lines together. I know what its like to lose someone you love, for good and perhaps over and over. If you've lost someone, I'm sorry for your loss, I myself had two funerals yesterday. Again thank you for your comment
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this is a great poem. I really like this. so much sadness through out this poem. you expressed very well
great job
kathy
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I agree with the comment below
This is filled with intensity..i enjoyed the rhyme (i noticed it) eventhough i hardly use rhyme in my poems..that's right i am a free-verse person lol..this write is incredible..even the title attracts me because I want to know what's tragic and after reading this yes...it is sad...anyway..we always BLAME God when things go wrong that's true...especially when one of our loved ones pass away....this write is good!
keep it up!
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Great poem keep up the good work.
Amber -
Interesting
your rhyme scheme is brilliqnt your flow is awesome and this is jsut a very attractive well penned poem. any ways this is just a very well done poem and I really enjoyed th way it flowed and everyhting bout it really. yuor e-motions were all over through out this but kept in check and stayed true to the subject, keep up the good work.
Signed, Paul
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The rhyming, the flow, the message was all superb. I just wrote a simliar piece and I know exactly what the He, Himself thing was.
Well... my only negative criticism is the love-above rhyme... I HATE that sooo much I just think it is so cliche you know? I just think it could be more original... other than that... the poem is great.
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People who are out to find fault seldom find anything else. It is a waste of time, no matter how much you find fault, it is not going to change anything.It's better to find a remedy. I don't know if it is true in your case but from my experience, the person usually has something on their upper lip and they're walking around talking about how everyone stinks. Good poem.
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good job, I really like it. I used to feel like this..... so I know what it's like, too... haha. I like the way you wrote this! keep up your good work!
Crimson -
WOW THIS IS REALLY GOOD I WAS HOOKED TO THE VERY END NICE JOB VERY WELL WRITTEN
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I wouldn't add anything else to it. Sometimes a write is the best when it leaves the reader want more and according to some of the comments , this one did exactly that.
On another note , you did really well expressing the different emotions and feelings we go through after the loss of a loved one. Eventually they will ease though and more good than bad memories will remain. I guess they are right when they say that grieving is a process....you have to get from point A to point Z and then you can gradually move on [a little wiser and also a little harder due to already knowing the pain of such a festering wound that lasts for a long time,
I wish you comfort in healing,
reenie
. Rewarded 8
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What a beautiful comment, thank you very much. It is definitly a process and unfortunatly one that all have to go through one time or another. I love how you state that we come through it a little wiser and harder, so very true. Thank you once again
Bandaid. -
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It is almost as if I would want to say "It does not hurt as much anymore after we have been through it one time"{but that is definitely not the case] I have no idea of your age , but I myself am an adult and have experienced death a fair amount of time [the worst I guess was the suicide of my father-I was an adult then already though]so maybe I was better equipped than as if I would have been a small child. Then there were others [close and more distant relatives and my husband great grandmaman who lived to be 109 years old. She passed in 2001 for no other reason than old age. Right now my mother in law has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer [as well as my dear brother in law in Texas] He is my sister's husband and he also is more than a brother in law-he is the brother that I always wanted , but never had. So I guess what I really meant to say is that after awhile we realize that life really is not infinite and tomorrow is never a promise. Maybe through that knowledge we learn to accept it and deal with it [that is what I meant by harder] Wiser is defintely the correct term though [for we realize that we are powerless and that there is absolutely nothing we can change]. I think you made a tremendous step towards healing to begin.....you wrote about it, and if I may suggest keep doing it whenever you can. Talking about also helps , but I find that many people clam up and shy away from talking about it as they are afraid of the emotions that are bound to well up again.....but it is those emotions that need to well up , so we do not keep them bottled up inside of ourselves [that is toxic and it makes them come up over and over again]
I am honoured that my comment affected you in some way and I wish you continued baby steps on the path of healing and I am sorry for your loss
reenie
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Good Job
.Awsome.poem. -
Sounds like a not too civilized break up (or unannounced escape perhaps). Some people just refuse to face any consequence of their action. One time they will love to regret that. Thank you for ceating and sharing. Take care,
U
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uhmm wow i dunno where to even start with this comment this poem was almost too amazing for words and very well written i loved the flow and the words were well chosen this is one of the best writes i've read in the last week this is a very touching and moving piece...really touched my heart this is excelent you showed amazing talent all through this pure brillance was expressed i loved this
love*
xXxBeCcAxXx
. Rewarded 8
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oh, and have hope.
don't ruin yourself just cuz of one person. you life has many dimensions. push the weaker one aside and bring forth the stronger ones. the ones in the dark will heal soon.
bless you loads! -
oh that's sad..
i found this the strongest line:
"For something colored, you cut yourself,"
i can feel such loneliness and desperation there. the want for something only hallucinations could give at that point.
and the strongest stanza was the last one. the reason being you give a sudden stark image of a falling angel. that's what makes this a different write than the clichéd version of a cutting poem. that the persona doesn't even want to live as an angel.. "Speed up and aim for the earth"... die where you were born...
strong, impactful..
. Rewarded 8
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CrystalPhoenix
Thank you for the wonderful comment.
This was originally (in my mind at least) not a cutting poem exactly but more a death and loss related one. Not even of a partner but a loved one. Still, I can understand your comment and thank you for stating that it isn't just another cliché poem.
"die where you were born" I never thought of it that way, but I never want to be an angel. You've truly understood this on a very different level. Thank you
And I have hope now. Thanks
Bandaid. -
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i'm glad.
and i did think that you never saw your words that way. lol.. well, knowing does wonders..
bless ya!
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incredible writing!I love this oem,almost more than my own,no...I do love it more than my own...
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Wow. Very powerful write.
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Wonderful
A very powerful write. Really does touch deeply.
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wow
i really wish that i could put my feelings into words like u did....this is a great write and i hope that you look at some of my new 1ns
. Rewarded 4
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I really liked this.
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Awesome
Emotional impact on the reader. Cleverly penned. lol
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Aw this is tragic but it's better to get those feelings out in a poem than in your real life. You'll find another love, the right one! Try not to think God causes the bad stuff because he doesn't, he only does good to us.
. Rewarded 4
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Yeah I know I shouldn't blame God for it, but that's kind of why I wrote this piece. I've been caught up in hating Him for what happened for 6 months now, I just needed to write it out.
Thank yee muchly for the comment
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you have written this beautifully here. your talent is really expanding. sorry things arent going so well for you. have not talked in a while due to me working long hours, so sorry. but wish you well. thanks for stopping by my bio page and saying hi" sweet child of mine "
. Rewarded 6
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Hey thanks Mom. I know we haven't spoken much but I know you're around for me still. And shucks for the talent comment
Love ya.
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**hugs** I know what it feels like to. I really like the last stanza of this, I can relate so much to that. But you need to keep strong, besides anyone gets in your way...jus throw a pickle at em, lol. You always got me to talk to okay, jus want you to know that. We've both been through a lot, so we need to stick together...with the keg in the middle, you understand, lol. Great write once again Meg. Love you, bye
Autumn
. Rewarded 8
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Who the heck is Meg?
Anyway, love you too and I'm sorry that you can relate. It's a tough situation specially when it's repeated over and over again. Sticking together is always the best thing though, and sticking together I shall do... with anyone who'll take me... and is providing the keg...
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Lol, who said I was providing the Keg??? Huh, when was this? lmfao. I bring the pickle and me...that should be good enough Maybe a little later bring the keg into the par-ta!
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SPEECHLESS!!!
3 amazing lines!!!
how i wish you added more
read the first stanza
made me wanna go all the way right away
then after the 3rd i sigh*
i wanted to read 4rth
5th more... i guess
i felt like i was reading my own story
your first and second stanza is me
thank you for sharing your piece
let me know if you gonna add more
loving it
good luck in everything that you do
. Rewarded 8
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Hah, thanks for commenting. I'm not sure if I should add more, afraid it will take away effect. I shall think about it though, definetly.
Glad you enjoyed, sad you can relate. But can't everyone? Keep strong
L.
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