She loved him lots
but when he died
he stole her heart
and made her cry
they said he went to heaven
he was a good christain guy
she cryed and prayed and begged to God
"Lord why did he have to die?"
So she went on a hunt
to find those lovely stairs
that lead her straight to heaven
to get rid of her despairs
she didn't care about what the cost
all she needed was her lost
so now she sits sad because of her souls blunder
waiting there forever and it makes me wonder
A contest entry
- And She's Buying A Stairway To Heaven... by XxGoldenxXDawnxX.
300 points, ended May 28, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
The Dawn is Golden and I can see the Light
Comments
-
A very sad and poignant entry. Thank you so much for this. My favourite lines were
So she went on a hunt
to find those lovely stairs
that lead her straight to heaven
to get rid of her despairs
Beautiful write.
-
I have a few suggestions:
cryed -> cried
what the cost -> what it cost
was her lost -> to regain what she lost
because of her souls blunder -> because of her soul's blunder OR because her soul blunders
waiting there forever and -> waiting there, forever: it makes me wonder
It is a great poem just needs a few alterations *hugs's*
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