Redemption
A nightmare haunting here,
So weird; she can't bear.
A pink rose swings so fast,
A purple flower from her past;
Together in a wide garden
Flowerless and seems barren.
On a solid water she stands,
So high she raises her hands.
Reaching for a cloudy sky,
Yet dark, rayless and dry.
She sees a land so far,
Like unreachable shiny star.
She stands still, not wanting there.
She gives in, couldn't dare.
The rose starts to cry.
The flower stares in a sigh.
Yet the girl seems so quiet;
Never believed being in such plight.
Suddenly a butterfly gets on her face,
the place changes to another place,
Warm and sweet, she feels beauty.
Another soul hugs her into eternity.
Stealing her away from her fears
No more suffering, no more tears.
To a land so pretty and smooth
Healing her wounds, she won't bruise.
Waking up, she found that
After troubles and after all bad,
Comes mirth, joy and happiness
Redemption comes to make her flawless...
Author notes
A contest entry
- Trophy-less Poets, Come Forth! by broken-colours.
450 points, ended June 8, 2007, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options, heaps to choose from by ForgottenMemories.
650 points, ended September 17, 2007, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1708 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write down your most exciting dream, in the form of a poem.POINTS WILL DOUBLE IF I GET ENOUGH ENTRIES, SO GET YOUR FRIENDS TO ENTER.pw pw pw by echo-ink.
1200 points, ended September 1, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Yeah, really nice
This was a lovely poem, and congrad's on the trophy's
-
A haunting and well written composition with an abundance of imagery---Congratulations on the well deserved awards!
-
hey this is Dani the judge of the contest. i meant to tell everybody that i will be as honest and harsh if i have to be. better hear the truth from someone now then the truth from the real critics later. i'm just making my last rounds to the poems i have not commented on....with a title like this i thought it would have been more dark. just the title REDEMPTION had me think of a whole different poem in my mind, but you did a good job. good luck.
~Dani~ -
Hmm, I think it was a little bit hypocritical. For example, you speak of a rose and another flower and then say that "together in a wide garden/flowerless and seems barren." Thats just how I felt about it. It is jam-packed with imagery, but it just seems like you were too wrapped up in the words to make it make sense.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
Nightmares! EK EK! i hate them but love them. they give life suspense. thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest!
-
this is a very interesting nightmare! You have shown heaps of imagery and described things in your beautiful poem well!
Thanks for entering and good luck!
Sleep-N -
Actually your structure and vocabulary is improving ~ including the rhyming ~ I can clearly see the difference... I appreciate the fact you gave the same subject matter for both~ Nice job! Thanks for entering the contest ~ best of luck to you!
-
No nightmare is ever something one wants to remember, let alone relive again and again. Well written these sentiments, sensational silver winner here. Way to go.
-
Beautiful!
These are my favorite lines to this stunning piece.
Reaching for a cloudy sky,
Yet dark, rayless and dry.
She sees a land so far,
Like unreachable shiny star.
She stands still, not wanting there.
She gives in, couldn't dare.
The rose starts to cry.
The flower stares in a sigh.
-
-
Yeah, I like these lines too
Thnx for sweet comment
-
-
interesting narrative poem on a fantastic poetic subject: personal redemption; the story is compelling and the transformations come like epiphanies.. a lot to like here...PK
-
A floral boquet
Healing her wounds, she won't bruise. This is the line that distinguishes that now we are ready..water off a ducks back. I can see her waking up and feeling great.
Another soul hugs her into eternity.
this line shows her friends are there to help and get her going.
at least this is how i see it.
good write.
-
Simply brilliant. I love the imagery in this one; it comes pouring out with every line, almost! And the rhyming didn't seem forced, plus it made the poem flow well. Thanks for your entry & good luck!
-
"Waking up, she found that
After troubles and after all bad,
Comes mirth, joy and happiness
Redemption comes to make her flawless..."
I really like this stanza.... and god how I wish this was true....
Brilliance was put into this, and it might just be your best... I dont know for sure but this was a great pick for this contest
good luck
-
Very Very Very amazing !
I love this piece. The ryming is perfect -
Amazing. The style of the poem is perfect and the rhyming helps a lot too. I love this! Great job and good luck in the contest!
<3 jenerali -
wow, this is brilliant. I really adore this. I love how the tone completely changes in the middle of the piece. I really enjoyed reading this one. ~Stephanie~
-
very Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it with a sadness reiging redeemed within hope t the end, well dnoe. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
-
This is great!!
Awesome...beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!
My favorite lines are....
"A nightmare haunting here,
So weird; she can't bear.
A pink rose swings so fast,
A purple flower from her past;
Together in a wide garden
Flowerless and seems barren.
On a solid water she stands,
So high she raises her hands.
Reaching for a cloudy sky,
Yet dark, rayless and dry.
She sees a land so far,
Like unreachable shiny star.
She stands still, not wanting there.
She gives in, couldn't dare.
The rose starts to cry.
The flower stares in a sigh.
Yet the girl seems so quiet;
Never believed being in such plight.
Suddenly a butterfly gets on her face,
the place changes to another place,
Warm and sweet, she feels beauty.
Another soul hugs her into eternity.
Stealing her away from her fears
No more suffering, no more tears.
To a land so pretty and smooth
Healing her wounds, she won't bruise.
Waking up, she found that
After troubles and after all bad,
Comes mirth, joy and happiness
Redemption comes to make her flawless..."
Hahahaha...
no really..I guess if I had to choose it would be these lines...
"Reaching for a cloudy sky,
Yet dark, rayless and dry.
She sees a land so far,
Like unreachable shiny star."
Beautiful work...Beautiful Girl!!!!!
Much Love!
-
-
Amazed, stunned, astonished
LOL LOL LOL
The most funniest comment I've ever read, yet the Greatest
Thanks alot hun..
I love you
LOL
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
