Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Thunderstorm

One languid summer afternoon
I roamed away from home on foot.
And as I walked upon the road,
From nowhere came a thunderstorm.

 

And nameless fear came over me.

For reasons I may never know.

I thought the storm had come for me.

Transgression's price had now fell due .

 

While sweeping from the west, the clouds
Seemed like the scroll of Judgement Day.
The names of those who miss the mark,
With angry God in close pursuit.

Titanic thunder, noise of hell,
A roar like armies on the move.
The sound of Gettysburg and Kursk

On their respective days of death.

The lightning shooting from the mists
Reminded me of prophets old
Condemning ancient towns for sins
And calling down angelic fire.

A smell of ozone on the wind
Bore proof of what was soon to come.
An acrid, choking, smoking smell
That seemed to come from up above.

The bitter rain upon my tongue
Was dread made real to me, it seemed.
The very taste of nature's wrath
Distilled in drops of primal fear.

And why a storm would scare me so
I dare not even try to say.
But to my house I turned and ran  
Like darkness runs from morning light.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • shirk
    June 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, but I don't like the nararative feeling I get from it. I wish you would have let your imagry shine for you instead of telling me what happened. Thanks for the entry though.

  • deleteduser
    May 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I really like this. I can't relate once again but I must say KNOW GOD and ask for forgiveness. Accept Jesus as your saviour and know that He died on the cross for your sins. Try to live a better life and don't fear judgement day like you did in that THUNDERSTORM. The first line really makes the mood in the poem change drastically and fast. The last line ends the poem with an easy to relate to metaphor. The title really gets the reader ready for what's to come. The third stanza about the clouds sweeping in...the last line makes sense but you could rephrase it to make the poem flow better. Great work on the poem so far. Don't be afraid to edit and change poems when you feel like it. I grew as a poet by editing old pieces to make them better.


    • Bad Mojo7
      May 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. You give some great advice. I really appreciate it.


  • Uckerhead
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well done.

    I enjoy the way you captured the storm and might of Mother N. Liked the structure. Wanted to invite you to check out my first contest. Keep on writing.