he added moisture-
to sand
glazing emotion
on each grain
with tears dripping-
through faraway eyes;
his red fingers
deftly sculpting-
stories;
as ancestors rose-
from inherited memory;
conversing in spiritual-
monologues;
and the sand was
forever painted
with the blood-
of lost generations;
gracing future's walls
where once they were
forbidden to enter-
doors...
Author notes
Ok, I gave you a story in three stanza's using 55 words and I used the inspiration of the monologue in sand to craft the piece.
The piece itself is the story of Native American Indian Sand Art and Sculpture. How their work now is considered art and hangs on our walls and sits on our mantels were once white people wouldn't allow them to enter their homes or lives. And the memories of lost generations that is infused in each work of art.
A contest entry
- Battle Of The Muse. Fighting With Ink: {ROUND ONE} by PerfectImperfection.
900 points, ended June 20, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I'm not sure about this piece. Your words flow beautifully - the line breaks are done skillfully - and word choice is immaculate.
The poem itself is fine, however I'm a little unsure what option you chose. To me, it seems more like descriptions than a story with a beginning, middle and ending. It doesn't follow the 55 syllable one either.
I enjoyed the lack of capitals - it creates a very smooth atmosphere.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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Actually, I think that is 93 syllables, but it is a well rounded story. I like what you did with the theme of "Monologue of Sand" - deeply captivating, and so well described. Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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very good
your thought and work you put into this is reflected in its brilliance I enjoyed reading this alot
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Another amazing piece. Every word is perfect. Compact in structure yet broad in imagery and deep in message and idea. Brilliant
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Your poetry always has a way of capturing me, my friend, be it society, dark or sensual. you take those words and place them to produce such feeling and your images .. well they, as always, contain that "WOW" factor.
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Ahh just magnificient Bunny! As a;lwyas t=you teach us so many things through your poetic words and they are always a joy to read
All the best to you in this contest
gaylene
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Only you dear sis could paint it as perfect as this in tiny grains of sand from a pen that is strong in emotion and folklore. Love, C
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A touching tribute, and sad in its own right. I've always been ashamed of my ancestors and their actions, but this, the artwork and sculpture, is something I guess I never thought about. It's almost ironic in itself. Thanks for the great read and making me think.
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The footnotes, explained the theme of your poem, even though it was superb alone.
I know the feeling of the segregation, the racism that somehow isn't over with. I like the way you work history and art into the same form, and the nudge of reproach...look what we destroyed...type vibe is definitely coming through here.
I really, really enjoyed this.
write soon, and more frequently!
(e -
good
cultures come and go as man lives on ...sometimes one wonders if all the changes we see in what we call progress really are such...
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wow
that is uncanny a powerful piece about a wonderful people who treated the world so much better than we do. So spiritual and in tune with nature. It really is uncanny though do you write from what I see with my eyes and camera b4 I share them with you? Great job .
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