cleansing

im not the sort of person
who falls for everyone i meet
i am not the sort of person
to fall and worship at your feet
i am not the virgin soul
i have seen a lot
i am not easy to know
or know what i am not
but i am true in every way
from the depths of my soul
i just can't help that my truth
goes beyond what i know
there are stories i could share
blood curdling scream in the night
and there are moments i wasn't there
and there are things i cannot make right
and i have to focus on me now
there's no other way to be now
i don't even know that i know how
to take care of me now
scared and shaking
holding tears back in my eyes
this is bigger than me now
and i feel smaller in stature and size
but i can't give in
i can't  let it win
i won't lay down
the things today
i need for tomorrow
i won't let go of the people
who are there in my sorrow
but im dragging so much behind
i shrug it all off with foolish pride
as nothing that matters
just a light load of anxiety
like i could carry it all
if i had the right piety
but the truth of the matter
is i struggle every day
i dont get to choose
and some days i win,
but some days i lose
and i worry every day
what if im not there to roll me out of bed
what if there's no one else
to calm the raging in my head
and i am lost forever
in that long ago pain
staring out the window
at the comfort of the rain
im not the sort of person
to fall for everyone i meet
am i the sort of person
to worship at your feet