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Beautiful Mourning

I'd quit shaving your calloused tongue or
Reaching into a soul that's no longer there
If you weren't so damn beautiful when you cry.
The years are growing on me like unforgiving ivy and
Since I can no longer breathe,
I no longer know if I'm even here anymore.
Your tears fall on me as you hover above me,
Drenching me with mirages of life and false security.
Your tears keep me alive.

Author notes

This is off the cuff. Forgive me if it sucks! :-D
Written August 1st, 2003

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Comments


  • Bellissimo Volpe
    August 8, 2003
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    Well written I love the feel to all your poems keep it up.


  • K.E. Morris
    August 2, 2003
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    very good descriptions...i think they convey the message well and evoke emotion and empathy in the reader. it doesn't suck at all; in fact, the first line was a great introduction...i don't think i've heard that metaphor before at all...definitley not cliche. i like how its written in such a way that the reader can relate to it. great piece!


  • Harlequin Bunny
    August 1, 2003
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    Isn't "shaving of the tounge" when you use one of those Indian (from India, and the likes) tounge do-hickies and clean off your tounges? Or is that only in the Kama Sutra? "For sweet breath"

    Firstly, I'd like to thank you for your IM .. unfortunantly, for reasons beyond my knowledge, I can't send IM's, only recieve them .. Something is wrong with my java applet, I believe ..

    And Secondly, I'd like to comment on your poem, if you don't mind .. do you? No, I didn't think so ..
    For being "off the cuff", and I'm assuming (lets just hope it doesn't make an ASS of U and ME ... har-de-har-har .. I'm so punny) that you don't usually write spontaniously, but more likely in a planned and measured way, this poem is very very good. The imagery is just extraordinary, the way you make the other person feel like a cross between a saintly/demonic arch-angel, and an oily lawyer with the first three lines, and get across the message that you're hurt by who/how they are, you're confused, and you know you should end it, but you can't, because they make you feel whole inside. If this poem sucks, it sucks like a VERY high-priced prostitute with a degree from Fellatio University ..
    Pardon my oddness, I'm sleepless in Ohio .. harhar .. another pun .. jee, I'm just blowing em away today .. *cough* that was sarcasm, by the by .. ^_^
    ANYWAY .. thank you for posting here at AllPoetry, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!

  • Badness
    August 1, 2003
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    very interesting, creative. i liked it, confused me a bit, cause why would you shave someone's tongue? anyhow, good poem. thanx for sharing.