Today I got the postcard you sent in the mail,
the one with the zebras standing in tall, lank grass
and the unsympathetic, saffron sun beating down.
I flipped it over and read about all the kind work
you and your boyfriend were doing for the children,
gratified with the good deed of aiding the infirmary
and hopeful for how you needed more helping hands.
You wrote how his little girl was starting school soon
and that all public education was free in Ghana.
You took a safari to Mampong, deep into the savanna,
into the low bush and the perpetual grassy plains.
You spoke to me of lions and elephants and hyenas,
yet the oceanic humidity had left you unwell.
Still, I could sense you were blessed and blissful.
You apologized and wished me a happy belated birthday,
and you asked how I was doing and if I was happy.
I did have a lot to say and I would have sent one back,
but you always knew what was really on my mind
and you surely remembered what home looked like.
But even though compassion bled through in African ink,
as I read to the end, I realized this card would be my last.
Written in your own, always unique, penmanship --
"I hope you're happy, like me. My dearest regards, E.E."
In a list
A contest entry
- completely anything you want! NO RULES WHAT~SO~EVER! by ibsons hysops.
1000 points, ended May 30, 2007, 65 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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An emotional poem full of wonderful imagery. There seems to be a lot of pain expressed here, and this is a wonderful, creative poem. Thanks for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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This is beyond wonderful. I can most certainly understand not only why it's your favorite, but why it received an honorable mention. I adore the form you used for this. It flowed together so well and seemed written from the ink of your own heart. The last line is very powerful and lingering long after one finishes reading this. Brilliant work. I'm giving you all the applause I have.
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good byes are not always easy
even by mail good luck -
Nice imagery
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Wonderful entry and an interesting read.
Jim -
I liked:
"But even though compassion bled through in African ink"
Best of luck. -
full of imagery
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I did have a lot to say and I would have sent one back,
that really hit me while i was reading.
and theres so much u ve put in this poetry through a simple descriptive language.
and .. best of luck. -
this desrved the trophy,desriptive one could feel he was actualy there hope u r as happy as her actually
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Thanks for the trip to Africa, beautifully penned with vivid imagery. I gathered that this was an ex-lover, as in your saying you realized that the card would be your last. Beautiful
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I don't understand why this will be the last postcard. Great descriptions though.
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this is crazy cool!
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I loved this, it was so refreshing and unique, very different than the usual stuff I read. I also would like to mention, though many people already have, your amazing attention to detail and description, which made this a very worth-while read. Great job!!
-Kaitlyn-
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Thanks, Kaitlyn. I'm glad you liked it. This one seems to be my most popular, and I'll admit that it's probably the hardest one I've written, but not because of the imagery.
Also thank you to everyone who has commented. I truly appreciate the feedback.
-Ryan
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Since I have not long returned from Africa, I was curious when I clicked. This stirred my heart again to the dark continent and made me relive my time all over again. Nicely done and thank you for the return visit. Love, C
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oh and thank you for entering and i wish you luck!!!
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wow
great description!!!! nice flow i can imagine reading the postcard myself..this is very unique excellent job!!!
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Beautifully written with lovely imagery! Your words cut through with deep emotion in every line, concluding with a goodbye that even the best of realtionship never wants to hear.
A sad, moving and touching story poem!
Very enjoyable!
I wish you all the best in the contest!
Jasminerose
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Well written account of your feelings and fears and a hint of confusion for the writer about what actually is and isn't in the (?) relationship.
Bazza
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Oh my
This was beautifully done. So very touching and dear. A wonderful entry to this contest. My hats off to you on this one. Well done. ~Pamela
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What a beautiful phrase:
"compassion bled through in African ink"!! Also liked your 'saffron sun', does make one think of Africa!
Your "I hope you're happy, like me. My dearest regards", sounds old fashioned, and courteously, clearly indicating that 'if you're waiting for me, don't!'
Good title. Good luck in the contest. -
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'if you're waiting for me, don't!'
I was so worried when I wrote this that there might only be one other person that could understand this, but I was wrong. That's actually exactly what I meant by the last line. Thanks so much for the comment, and thank you to everyone else that commented as well.
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beautiful poem good luck in the contest
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Wow
I could imagine those zebra really well! The emotions in this piece were...so real...so well written...so beautiful!!!
One part made me sigh...sort of as if I felt a sense of relief mixed with a sense of release, as if I knew that this person had found what they'd been looking for: But even though compassion bled through in African ink,/as I read to the end, I realized this card would be my last./ Written in your own, always unique, penmanship --/"I hope you're happy, like me. My dearest regards, E.E."
One word: wow. Another two words: good luck.
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Wonderful
I have to say, this was a beautiful poem from the very first word. Kudos, my friend
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Thank you all again. I really appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have to say, out of all the years I've been writing, this one may be my favorite.
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I love the descriptions you've shared with us in this writ. There is a beauty in Africa even though its seemingly sad demise. This is beautiful. It's been a while since I received a post card. The last one was from a member here who lives in Australia. Excellent musing!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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This piece was beautiful and unique in it's own way. I would have never expected such a write, as replying to a postcard, yet saying bascially a summary of what you were replying to. The beauty in your detail was magnificent though. There was imagery and just, well, it seemed as though you wre living through someone else...which is easy to do as a poet, yet difficult at the same time. Good luck in your future writing, as well as in the contest!
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This is Genuinely Beautiful! You are Without a Doubt, A Finalist! Good Luck in the Contest!
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I think perhaps sometimes it is easier to let go than to hang on by a thread of hope...perhaps she did you a favor Excellent write, enjoyed the little glimpse of Africa in your words.
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This had the power to hold me the whole way through, a very interesting piece of work and the imagery was excellent. Some wonderful penning from you. Well done and good luck with this fine entry for the contest.
Shaz xx
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Thank you all for the kind words. I'm glad you were able to figure it out without it being too obvious. It's unrequited, but it wasn't always so. The part that wouldn't be too obvious to some is that one initial isn't what I expected it to be. That's the "last goodbye" it seems.
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A small look at the life in another continent. An though it seems to be related to everyday things that were happening On could read more into it than just a letter between friends ( At least on the part of the writer) could be a unrequited love going on? A fine write and an enjoyable read Thank you for entering Good luck in the contest
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very nice
very smooth flow and written very well I could feel myself reading the post card. good write good luck and thanks for sharing
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KEEPIN THE LOOK
YOUR HEART IS BREAKING, YOU CAN STILL BREATH.
your smile wont give you away.
now if your feet will take you befor you die.
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