I have been trying to get out of here.
Away from this jungle's seemingly inevitable death,
away from this war's tormenting evil, hate and endless fear.
My soul longs to be free of this perpetual agony's breath.
Our spirit's are crying this wars bloody tears.
Is there no escape from this darkness we are shadowed by,
embracing the dying, holding on to life with death so near,
wandering with no direction, not lost, not knowing why.
Why do we live and for what is no longer clear,
we've become cold empty men, hungry exhausted and worn,
putting one foot in front of the other, we walk on or disappear,
in a war that rips and maims and leaves us tattered and torn.
Our hopes and faith fading with the stench of death so very near,
stumbling along the dark damp jungle floor not knowing where,
each of us trying to hold onto something our memories hold dear,
looking in our hearts for a way out only to find empty despair.
We look for that splinter of light or any sign to a path with hope,
but we only struggle in our minds through the depths of anguish,
our bodies through the sweat, blood and pain with which we cope
and our hearts agonize through the horrors while our memories wish.
The glory and honor is seldom ever what it may appear,
but in war, no matter the turmoil of it's evil we must stand
and against all odds on the path of death, misery and fear
we stand and go on knowing life is not something we hold in hand.
I've been trying, for near forty years, to get out of there,
I can still remember their names and faces we left behind.
The human agony and missing souls, the eyes of men with an empty stare.
I left a part of me there, in Viet-Nam, that I still long to find.
The agony of wars never changes nor does the question, why?
War's never end and peace is only a dream in memories of men.
Time turns to history lessons mankind has never learned by.
Seems we'll never realize the price we pay, for wars that never end.
Author notes
6) The worst experience of your life.
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please, if you read this poem comment on it.
option #2 something that changed my life ,... forever
In a list
A contest entry
- R.I.P. Spc. Stephen Colley by semperfichic.
1000 points, ended June 7, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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Gold trophy winner
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600 points, ended July 6, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
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Honorable mention
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450 points, ended April 19, 2008, 6 entries
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525 points, ended May 12, 2008, 34 entries
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470 points, ended June 6, 2008, 68 entries
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600 points, ended July 20, 2008, 39 entries
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Why do we live and for what is no longer clear,
we've become cold empty men, hungry exhausted and worn,
putting one foot in front of the other, we walk on or disappear,
in a war that rips and maims and leaves us tattered and torn.
That stanza absolutely tore my heart out. I wasn't alive when this war ended, but I see its effect every time I look into my Master Chief's eyes and every time my uncle watches the Presidential addresses on TV. Thank you so very, very much for your service, and your sacrifice.... thank you for going through that.
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Oh my! It took a while to scroll down here past all those trophies! May I say, every single one of them deserved. This poem is so sad, it really leaves you thinking. I have relations to people who fought in wars, and they have told similar stories and recounts of their hardships. I always find it interesting to read other people's opinions and retellings of their stories from the war. I hope you are doing well now. The last line really hit home. Really. I'm touched by the strength of your message. And the rhyme was immaculate. You are a talented writer and I wish you all the very best.
From Hannah
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Wow! This is so powerful, and the depth of your courage is very apparent all through this poem. I have found writing to be so healing, and I hope you have found that too. Nobody knows your pain the way you do, but I imagine so many others who were there also could really benefit from your sharing of this write. Your heart is bared here, and I strongly commend you for that. It took a great deal of bravery for you to put into such poignant words what this life changing experience was like for you. I wish you all of life's blessings and I thank you for serving our country so honorably. I also wish you continued healing. Blessings, Patty
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I really do love this!!! Awesome write! My uncle was in Vietnam and so many other people that I know were too. They hardly ever talkk about it due to the unbearable pain felt when remembering. I understand them. Now, some of our generation have to do what those brave souls did so long ago. You conveyed so muany emotions in this and the image is great. (A little Viatnemese girl designed thath thing, btw.) Well thanks so much for tha share! Have a great day!
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"I left a part of me there, in Viet-Nam, that I still long to find." This line is so completely haunting that it's almost terrifying. Reading this poem, from the perspective of someone who has been to war and seen the atrocities that men can inflict upon each other, really stirs up the pacifist in me. Hopefully, in the future the world will come to realize that there are better ways to deal with conflicts than to kill each other. I hope the government finds a way to talk about issues in the future instead of bombing people. Thank you for this poem and thank you for the work that you have done for this country. Vietnam should always be remembered and those who fought in it should always be honored. God bless
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I actually wrote the builk of this poem 40years ago in Vioet-nam
It was scribbled on a 5" x 8", Hardly even decipherable anymore. It was interesting to read and re-write with what my thoughts were and how they had changed (or not changed), over the years. Funny you should mention that line, "I left a part of me there, in Viet-Nam, that I still long to find." it is so true and has been haunting for so long, but by writing this and posting it here among so many good folks, I have drawn more closure than in the many years before.Allot of comments made to me about this poem really hit home and allot of them have really helped , but one that relates to that very line was when someone told me that the part of me that I came back with was the best part and prhaps the lost part is better off having stayed there, was a very nice thing to hear.
Thank you for your kind words and meaningful comment
Best Regards
David
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So much pain can never be eased or explained.So many lives were lost amd the people who were in the war and fighting all died inside as well as those who died litteraly.one can never know why we go to war and and the reasons the ones who had to die.This tribute to those who were lost and those who are still lost today in the pain of remembering and having lived through it brings me to tears.It is so tragic the realities of war there is no words to express my deep deep sorrow for those who has served in the war.This is beautiful.Thank you so much for writing it and sharing.
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wow what powerful words sadly we will never learn and ruthless government will use our children as war fodder in their fight for world superiority calling battle for freedom and ruining others lives ...an excellent read ..and must for would be patriots
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moving. It gave me chills. It made me feel really hopeless and gloomy. It was very well written, good job, I hope you someday find closure.
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Another Poet Laureate Poem!
Dsvid this is again penned poetic perfection of Poet Laureate standard for sure. It is phenomenally moving and intensely graphic and crammed solid with vivid imagery and empathy, and so much emotion of phenomenal depth too.
Amazing you really speak from experience and right from the mind soul spirit and heart of someone who has done Nam.
The ambience and essence is spot on and just as you can beging to imagine it being (I speak as a mere outsider here!).
Love these stanzas:
We look for that splinter of light or any sign to a path with hope,
but we only struggle in our minds through the depths of anguish,
our bodies through the sweat, blood and pain with which we cope
and our hearts agonize through the horrors while our memories wish.
The glory and honor is seldom ever what it may appear,
but in war, no matter the turmoil of it's evil we must stand
and against all odds on the path of death, misery and fear
we stand and go on knowing life is not something we hold in hand.
I've been trying, for near forty years, to get out of there,
I can still remember their names and faces we left behind.
The human agony and missing souls, the eyes of men with an empty stare.
I left a part of me there, in Viet-Nam, that I still long to find.
The agony of wars never changes nor does the question, why?
War's never end and peace is only a dream in memories of men.
Time turns to history lessons mankind has never learned by.
Seems we'll never realize the price we pay, for wars that never end.
Its good the way that you say you have been 'trying to get out of here for nearly 40 years' .... cleverly implying that whilst the war never lasted that long the scars from the experience remain and its like you are still living in this era, like a never ending war that continues because the awful horros live on in your mind, and I can well believe that. Many of my harrowing life experiences like being the subject of an attempted murder when I was only 21, still haunts me and I will be 51 in September and I re-live the night I was attacked and left for dead in a park, so I can empathize with how some harrowing and traumatic experiences stay with you for a long time if not a lifetime.
Viet Nam was harrowing and a very traumatic e xperience for many and your excellent poem really graphicall illustrates the horrors of experiencing that.
Bravo to the brave you you are to be commended and saluted as well as honoured for your part in the war effort, people like you have made the freedom of today possible let alone our very being and survival.
(I assume you talk here of your experiences of being a solider in Nam? If not you have penned this to such perfection that it has convinced me that this is the case, the vivid imagery and graphics are so intense!).
Fabulous work again and I do hope these are in print, if not then they sure should be and I know my publisher would publish you if you were into this?
Meanwhile bravo again David, extremely well done, love it! Total poetic perfection! This should have won at least Gold in every contest, platinum +!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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Thanks again Kaz
I actually wrote this poem in 1969 when I was in Viet-Nam, It remained on a 5 x 8 index card soiled and scribbled for 37 years until discovering AP and I dug out my box of old writings or what remained over the years, A few left of the Hippie years, but alot had been lost. This poem obviously has allot of deep meaning, feelings and emotions for me, the real issue over the yers actually just really hit home the last couple years.
I just can't relate to mans reasoning how we can go through such a living hell, feel , see, suffer, and inflict so much misery and regre, as in war, and then turn around and do it all over again. My son just went back for his 4th tour in Iraq a couple weeks ago, he is a Marine, and I just couldn't help feeling, why? Isn't that what hell was all about so our sons and daughter's don't have to deal with that. Then you realize they are wars that never end and if they never end you never win them either.
"Until the people who love power are replaced by people who have the power of love, we will never know what it is to have peace"
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An abundancy of imagery within this well written composition--An honest and heartfelt write.
Unfortunately, it is slightly over the 30 line limit in this contest.
Thank you for your entry. -
very good...sad but goo
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I lost a very dear friend/neigbor as his chopper went down was missing for weeks then found with no bodies,just the chopper, then later their bodies recovered in a swamp...what a loss for their families, but your poem/dedication showed sorrow in the loss of all and the injuries many suffered and to live with the horror, thank you for sharing
good luck
Linda -
Good Write
A well written vivid and graphic description of the horrors of war beyond praise.Best Wishes and Kind regards George -
War's Stare
Wow, Dad. Trying to fathom the seemingly and possibly senseless and how endless it must have felt. I heard a song by Poison yesterday called "Something To Believe In". It reminded me of you
There are so many emotions in this poem that speak miles about despair. I am so glad that you are here with me now. I love you and I always have.
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PROBABLY ONE SIDE OF ME
you have never known or seen. a part tucked away in time but never gone . War is mans unlearned lesson and it seems that he will never learn how to deal with.
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Thanks for entering
Wow.. Now that is amazing. And very sad. I really wish you better. This poem is so emotional and expresses everything so dearly and well. I really liked reading this. Best of luck in my comp and thanks for entering.
-Michaella- -
loved it great write thanks for entering wish you luck
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I think only one who has been there can truly understand. I have a friend who was in the Vietnam war and he suffers terribly with PTSD. Thank you for writing this. ***Pam***
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No words bro, just a blur .....time erases nothing,,,nothing erases time, we are simply erased, over 58,000 sucides after the war to boot,
maybe more, who knows, and Iraq will carry the same if not stronger stigma, peace to you and yours, anyway you can...Artis -
my god, the pain, the anguish. so complex. it is true, many men were left behind in vietnam, its very sad. i used to work with several vietnam era marines, and you could tell in their eyes the terrors of that horrible place. it is also sad that many of the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines that came home did not receive the most welcome coming home surprise. i thank you for sharing this, and it also makes me want to fight even harder for this country. good luck in the contest.
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I am ansering you plea for comments. I love this poem. I have seen the viet-nam war memorial, I was pissed off to see so many people taking one glance at it and saying "well, we can cross this one off the list" like it was a part of a big scavenger hunt. Again, Loved your poem
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It is hard to see the good in a bad situation, when you are the point of the spear. When no one can appreciate your sacrifices. But you served your people and protected the hope of freedom for the world. You honored this people's promise to help the South vietnamese. The nature of war had changed. The socio-economic struggles of free market capitalism and communism enmeshed the entire world. Nukes made open war unthinkable, so the struggle shifted to client states; proxy wars. We had to be restrained to avoid escalation. The russians and chinese bled us. We bled the russians in Afganistan in the 80's. If the leadership had shown more savy and taken better care of the soldiers the out come would have been different. I encourage you to forgive yourself any of the horrors. Please believe you are a better person for your experience; you saved someone else the burden of taking your place, protecting at least that persons mental state. I have a piece called "Aroma" that is in honor of vietnam vets. I hope your family is understanding and willing to listen anytime you need to talk. Wishing you the best.
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I am slow in my response I know
and some comments should really not be overlooked, actually none of them should be. I just wanted you to know I appreciate your taking time to write such kind and thoughtful words understanding and encouragement, they truly mean allot.
thank you and best regards
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I visited the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall a few years back when visiting the US. Your poem should be writ large at the very end. Outstanding.
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We all need.
We all need to remember those things that we feared and too many people tried to shame the troops in Viet Nam. My brothers served there and so on this memorial day I do salute you.
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Good job
I think you were a little repetitive near the beginning when you kept talking about being lost, but you really drew me back in with:
"I've been trying, for near forty years, to get out of there,
I can still remember their names and faces we left behind.
The human agony and missing souls, the eyes of men with an empty stare.
I left a part of me there, in Viet-Nam, that I still long to find."
I've read about how shell-shock torments soldiers for decades after they've last seen battle, that verse captured it wonderfully. That verse alone should help you win. I hope you can find a way to peacefully live with what you experienced.
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I was a teenager during the Viet Nam war - and yes I protested against it. (albiet in Canada) But I never understood the hatred towards the soldiers who were 'doing their duty'. At least we seem to have learned that much - don't shoot the messanger so to speak. I think you have written a very emotionally charged and honest poem.
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This was a horrible time for families. I remember graduating from High School and friends of mine being drafted. Some came home and some didnt. At my age of 17, I just didnt get it..didnt understand it, and really didnt want to. Those that did come back had their minds twisted and their bodies aching from injuries to their bodies and those that injured their souls. I have a friend now that is still getting shots of gold to take care of his Agent Orange.. When our soldiers did return they were spit on and called "baby killers" etc. We weren't there and we didnt know what they went through. They never were established as heroes for a long time. Now we have the wall that shows every name.
I will always remember those times...they are embedded in me..
Much love to everyone
Nor
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Very strong... I don't blame you for being traumatised that this stuff happened, but you have came out a strong and noble person and not everyone can boast that.
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I admire, how much you put into this poem, you have said so much and this obviously wass very painful for you to write. Congrats on all the trophies.
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Thank you for entering my military contest. there are many of us that are still searching for the way out my Brother. I found my way out by talking to other vets. If you need some help I might be able to find some contacts for you.
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In my life I have struggled to understand man's inhumanity to man. War being one of these examples. This has lead me to visit with many who have faced war personally. I have had the great blessing of getting to know them and listen to their memories and share their tears. Thank you for sharing this wonderful write with me. I felt every word so deep within my soul.
Blessings~
Az
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This is obviously from your heart. The war never ending in your head rings true. I know Vietnam vets who have the same problem. I don't think any human could see such waste without trauma. We just "put one foot in front of the other" through turmoil.
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Why do we live and for what is no longer clear,
we've become cold empty men, hungry exhausted and worn,
putting one foot in front of the other, we walk on or disappear,
in a war that rips and maims and leaves us tattered and torn.
Oh my gosh I love that stanza. Its great, the imagery that you use in this piece is wonderful. stench of death, splinter of light.... great imagery.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck,
~Lumin -
How true your last lines are:
The agony of wars never changes nor does the question, why?
War's never end and peace is only a dream in memories of men.
Time turns to history lessons mankind has never learned by.
Seems we'll never realize the price we pay, for wars that never end.
Perhaps the sentiment could have been more elegantly expressed, but it's still valid. However, perhaps if we stopped commemmorating wars, there would be less incentive to wage them? -
The is absolutely wonderful in my poet eyes, but so heart breaking and full of emotion. I have never been in the military but many family member's have and This is something I would Proudly share with them.I know they have their memories of their own but this poem would probably hit home for many of them. Awesome job with this write it is so Powerful.
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An outstanding piece of work - the poignant cries of a soul trapped in a complex web of emotions. One of the best poems I've rea since joining the site.
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thank you Davidwright
for you kind comment. It is one of my favorites too, actually wrote the majority of this poem in 1969 while in Viet Nam it has allot of personal meaning to it. your comment is very much appreciated.
Thanks again
David
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i myself never being in a war or anything like it, would still find it hard to walk away from someone in need of help, though i'm sure that there were times when it could not be helped, and that all was done that could be for those in need, i am sorry for the pain that you continuosly have to go through everyday, the memories that will never die and the faces that will never fade...i hope that at some point you will be able to find peace in that fact that you did what you could, when you could, and that many amoung us honor everything that you have done to help...i am sure that there are regrets that you wish you could change, or maybe not, but what you did for us and put yourself through, will not be forgotten easily..thank you for the great piece and god bles
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As usual you have touched my soul. Nam affected many of us.
Maybe due to having family, friends or just 'acquaintances' sent off never to be heard or seeing again. It destroyed many lives and continue to do so, though...many years have passed. I sincerely thank you for writing for us here at All poetry and sharing your thoughts, memories and feelings.
May you have peace, and continue your journey.
Peace ~Mia
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My friend a beautiful write of wars terror and devastation it causes. Destroys mens minds, hearts and future never erases the pain and sorrow. I feel your pain, for days i have this monkey on my back and hard to get rid of. I wish you all the best, as with me, its one day at a time, for I never know what the next day will bring me. my life depends on medications, as it helps but memories live on! You are not alone. Feel your pain
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Oh my,another reader says this is written in plain language and they miss the point,it's written in plain language hoping that the very point will be understood and accepted that the ache of war does not stop with ceasefire or calendar date,the dead don't get up again as in a movie after the director has yelled "that's a wrap" this isn't Hollywood special effects but the raw reality that nearly fourty years later memories that were made in hell remain as hellish.
No,there are not many poetic devices,no twee ab ab rhythm to imbue a lilt and rhyme,no metaphor and neither is the graphic imagery searing across the page that the reader would be sickened by because they couldn't stomach it.What we have hear is a poem which says sotto voice that it never stops.That which mattered still matters.That which wounded still wounds and there is no disclaimer on PTSD.
There are many reasons a writer writes,firstly for the self,then for his readers but when he writes hoping that all of mankind will finally understand that there is nothing masterful in any leaders masterplan,if we don't learn from the horrors of history they are inevitably repeated.
I recently posed this question in a short rhyme to Bush "why did you dodge the draft to go to Vietnam?" I am not trying to turn this into a political forum but the reality is some went to war without a choice,some died for the right of others to vote with their choice and some returned never to feel the same again,if we don't understand just how our Veterans feel then we may,may just place a cross in a box which will affect the lives of other men... -
You are not alone in this silent war that you describe. Others are in this same dream with you. Your poem describes so well, all the anguish and terror that one sees in war yet he still lives in memory each day. Thanks for sharing a piece of your life through your poetry.
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Very strong, Happy you are back in the world
I try to put it behind me. Not think talk,or write about it. I've tried to do one on being overrun in a fire fight and had to put it on the shelf. Sometimes I still wake in a panic because I can't find my rifle. If they get too close, CH47s and black hawks will put me in a dream state, One foot in this world and the other foot in that world. Many things smell like bodies to me now. I am really ok, I hope you are the same. Maybe some day I will write it. good write, keep writing. I can't promise to read it though, some things are still too fresh in my mind and get me really emotionally upset.
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I never noticed any errors in this write at all, the words were too powerful. My husband, my father's and grandfathers wars were in different places. Our young people are still fighting and my heart goes out to you and all who serve our respective countries and to their families who can only wait and support with love. Reading your words could help those who return now with their own demons to know that they are not alone, there are others who do understand. Sheila, England
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I am a little lost for words and feel very young and naive, although born in 69, you have given me more to think about and ponder than any history book I read in school...the face of war that people ignore, the face thats been left behind BRAVO
Cathy
♥♥♥
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Poignant and powerful ...
and inexplicably and overwhelmingly sad. I lost several friends in that useless war and I am opposed to most wars on general principles because they solve nothing and cause enormous loss of life on both sides. Your final quatrain points that up very well. All in all good job here.
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Spoken so truthfully from one who knows
I have read many poems written from those who have been and seen the destruction and the sorrows that even stay with them today . There are ones out here that truly hear your every word and knows memories of that nature never really leaves but you in your heart knows you stood beside the best of the best . God Bless you and keep writing for it truly does help those guys fighting today -
Hrm, this is rather longer than I asked for in the contest.
Some of your descriptions came across as a little ordinary, such as "the sweat, blood and pain" which is something that's been written in many poems before. I don't really care for end rhyme.
I love the image of a 'splinter of light' - beautiful symbol of a fragile love and hope, almost like lightning in the sky.
"I can still remember their names and faces we left behind" - I love this line, it portrays a haunting atmosphere and focuses in on the individual people that war affects.
A fitting topic for poetry to be written about.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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A Masterpiece of a Write!
When I see all the trophies given for your poem here Wolfie, I see why, it is the most flowing understanding poem yet on the war then, and what it has done to you now.That lingering Why? and the seeming nonsense of it all. It didn't make sense...It is a beautiful write,from the heart, mind and soul of one of the soldiers....A masterpiece of a write! -
Your poem says a lot some day when I am strong enough. I will write one myself about how hard it is to be married to a Vietnam vet. How you have to stand tall and be a strong woman. PTSD malaria children with birth defects are very real.So is second hand PTSD. Familes of Vietnam vets are not mentioned enough wives are not given enough credit.My husband was over the same time as you .Th e marine do not leave their dead I have studied this war because I am younger until I am sick with the knowledge of it.
I am so tired one crisi to the next it never ends . will you write a poem about your family?
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i AM at a loss for words...as VietNam took MY neighbors
son inlaw as a helicopter was shot down..lost 6 men and 2 MIA,,this brought a lot of deep sorrow back as he had an unborn son on the way,he never got to see him,other than pictures and letters that he wrote
to his son in a letter home every so often..thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest..SH
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I can still remember their names and faces we left behind.
grim -
Your words are so sad. I grew up during the 60s and remember so many of my friends' older brothers getting called up to fight. Now in Australia, as in the U.S.A
there are so many men just like you who have been forgotten. In this new century we have the technology to watch a bomb land in a country on the other side as it happens but some of us don't have the compassion in our hearts to understand how many men come home from war with no physical injuries but so broken in spirit. It is a sad testimony to humanity that more is not done to help people find themselves again. You have expressed all of the emotions one would expect but you have done so in a very simple honest way, showing the utmost respect for your fallen brothers. I hope that one day you will find the peace you so deserve. Maybe in war death is not the ultimate sacrifice. -
WOW !
Firstly, I applaude you for having the courage to write this. There are so many who choose to just lock it inside. I guess that that is their way of dealing with it. My ex partner is a Vietnam Veteran, and after many years, fighting his personal demons, is now working as a volunteer pensions officer. Helping Veterans of all wars to get what they so rightly deserve. I think that this is an awesome write. I hope that you find peace someday, from these things that haunt you
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what very wonderful and sad poem about war, it is never easy to forget what we indure when we fight, the firefights, the motor rounds and bullet that can cut you down. I have a poem for you to read,
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2265994
this my poem of what indured when I return home with a 100% disabilty in 1969 Welcome Home brother.
John
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Yes sometimes we go through a time of our life that is so hard when we get out of it we never want to be reminded of it again... I can relate. Very honest write here, a true experience...?
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War is hell, and the Viet Nam was the worse on the guys fighting it and for those that can not escape it, they still fight that damn war even today, in their thoughts and dreams. I have lived with one just like that, his nightmares at one time almost cost me my life, as I tried to wake him up. I learn my lesson, but, the guys still suffer today.
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Wow. This has left me speechless. Nothing can describe what you have written but then nothing can describe what you saw and lived through over in Vietnam. This was a nice bit of insight into what one felt in and after Vietnam. Well done. Best of luck to you in the contest.
xAngelx4xLife -
This was so compelling to read for it has the depths of your emotions and true heart in every word. I was so honored to read this write as a mother of a marine and also as a poet who can only just imagine the costly horrors of this place. I work with alot of vets at our local V.F.W. and have heard many stories. it takes is a wonderful thing that you have put this into a poem. keep writing my friend ... I know it will help a bit and I look forward to reading more of your writes.
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great poem. but it is really hard to comment on by one who sits at home and does nothing all day. alough this was a excellent poem can i truely understand what all the vets from Nam went through and till go through today. all I can do is give my most sincre appreciate. I belive that the one of the noblest things a man can do for his country is fight for it. and i salute you for puting your life on the line for our . I know this poem means alot to you cause you have featured it and have put it in numerous contest. i apologies for my inablity to comment on this poem better. I wish there was something more that i can say. I hope that you find peace in the future. great write.
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one word "magic" with a cappital M loved this keep up the good work
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Thank you for your service, your sacrifices and speaking for your brothers.
"I left a part of me there, in Viet-Nam, that I still long to find."
Tis never the better part that we leave behind, you have brought the best with you and shared it in your words.
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A wonderful poem about such a horrible war, I have read many poems relating to war but this is by far the very best yet! The ending stanza is really great...its like the big ? war never ends...The agony of wars never changes nor does the question, why?
War's never end and peace is only a dream in memories of men.
Time turns to history lessons mankind has never learned by.
Seems we'll never realize the price we pay, for wars that never end..........
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Thanks for sharing, Roaddog Wolf, and for the great sacrifices you made for your country.
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War is Hell
Hello there Roaddog Wolf - and here we go again - doesn't anyone care? Seems nobody learned a lesson from Vietnam - I read all the comments you recieved on this well written piece - the rhyme and flow are great my friend - but the content is heart wrenching to say the least - I would like you to read my poems "Iraq Attack" and "Freedom Reigns" and "The Garden Gate" just to let you know I am with you all the way when it comes to war - Bless God - ( Dobar Dan ) -- Joe -
Roaddog, I see you've re-written your piece, and I think it works better now--as poetry, that is. I still think the lines are too long, but there's a definite improvement. The content, whether poetic or not, is very powerful and I enjoyed reading it.
Bill -
I think it imposible for anyone to truely understand unless they been there, but your poem gave so many a rare glimps of a soldiers soul. Far too many people think we signed the dotted line and we know what we are getting ourselves into, but how could we. Not all the training in the world can prepair us for the reality of war.
You really did an outstanding job writting this poem.
I was asked to read this piece just after I posted this my poem. http://allpoetry.com/poem/3190994. -
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Like to read what you posted but the link doesn't work
thanks for your comment, like to read that poem
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I’m a tad too young to remember much about the Vietnam War but I do know it’s considered to be one of the most atrocious and gruesome wars in modern history, but which ever war is spoken about, it has such a terrible effect on those who are in the front line of it that memories stay for life. This is not the first poem I’ve read on this topic and I doubt it will be the last either. My own personal viewpoint is that no one can begin to imagine what they are going to face both physically or mentally until they are out there doing their job. Seeing images on the television of such things cannot even begin to compare. I think the author of this poem knows that he is not alone in the nightmare of memories, even 40 years later.
From the onset the author of this poem illustrates the torment that he goes through remembering the scenes and those who fought at his side, those who would die in front of him and those who lived to carry on with him. “Why do we live and for what is no longer clear,” I think this line indicates (though I could be wrong) that during the war the original reasons for starting it had taken a back seat as new issues arose, and people lost sight as to why it was being fought. Soldiers had to cling on to memories of families, loved ones and decent lives back home to give them strength to carry on, desperately hoping that the war would come to an end.
No war is a good war and I can understand why the author says he left a part of himself there. The last stanza says it all really, that mankind hasn’t learned its lessons and history repeats itself all over again. More men (and women) are still asked to face the physical atrocity or war and the mental anguish of the tormenting nightmares for years or even a lifetime afterwards.
I have to disagree with the comment below about this poem being too wordy. I think every word is of value and is a lesson for us all. Many of the younger generation, particularly young males if they are thinking about joining the forces, could well learn that war is not the glorified thing they see it as.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Sad
This poem has a surreal nightmarish quality about it, those dreams that we can't wake up from not matter how we toss and turn. The next to last line gave me goosebumps. I feel this poem is a little wordy and could be tightened up, but that is up to you. The sincere emotions are powerful and vivid. That, to me, is the reason we all write. Best wishes, from a woman (then a high school girl) who watched Viet Nam on the daily news and wondered why it seemed to go on and on and on.
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Impressive
In many ways, this is an impressive piece. It didn't work for me as poetry (the lines are too long for proper rhythm to be established), but as a document of human suffering and an outline of the futility and madness of war, it is a powerful and effective piece of writing---and I agree with your sentiments completely. Well done.
Bill
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What a beauty!! this is totally an amazing write. i wonder how muhc time u took to write this one.. its just soo awesome..very unique!! God bless
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Mr. Grace, Vietnam was before my time but after reading this poem i understand more of the horrors of war. i wish you the best of luck in finding whatever you believe you lost and a heartfelt kudos to you for helping me to understand the horrors of war in a different light.
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wow my brother powerful words yet it saddened me too.
The glory and honor is seldom ever what it may appear,
but in war, no matter the turmoil of it's evil we must stand
and against all odds on the path of death, misery and fear
we stand and go on knowing life is not something we hold in hand.
Wonderful write
~Lisa~
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really really good!
it was kind of powerful. a really impressive piece of literature in deed. good stuff.
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this was very poerfwul and amazing. ~ hdb.
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I seem to think that I read this before...anyways; takes me back to when my father was in the second world war...sad times thay were and forever after too..for my father suffered more then any human should ever suffer...
and thank you for sharing with us your viewers..
and all the best to you; love! -
A really intense and well-crafted poem with a very important message. Thanks for entering my contest, and best of luck with this fine piece.
David
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Someone once said, "There are no winners in war. Only survivors."
Please read "Loose Orbit" by K-Dense in the Shameless Promotion contest.
-Curtis Meyer -
Yeah; I remember
Nuff said -
From one who is married to a vietnam vet he was in the marines
He speaks seldom and then only to the ones who have truly been there . He told me only once its a nightmare that will take your soul if you let it . Some of the men were in the deepest bowels of the war and no one from home would even understand for it cant be told for the effects would bnever reach them . So it remains unsaid until a comrad is near then and only then will he speak of the destruction and the pain for they between the two of them heals yet for only a moment then fade back into their own little hiding place called sanity . I feel for you and hope one day peace will find you for you are the speakers for those who remained . -
This is beauatiful and moving. It also happens to be on an issue about which I care very much, so that makes it ever the more poignant to me.
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Sad & moving. And you're right about peace.
Nicely done man. God bless!
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moving
Very strong piece, however you have a few punctuation errors that should be fixed. 'Jungles' in line two should have an apostrophe, as well as 'wars' in line three, etc.
Your imagery is brutal and powerful, and maintaining the rhyme scheme is impressive. I'm sorry you had to experience such horrors. -
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thanks
for your comment and your correction advice thanks
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This is a really cool poem. Being in the military myself, it is always nice to see poems such as this.
Good luck. -
Fantastic!!!
Wow! What a read this write is. It just blew me away! Kinda left me for a loss of words. Not knowing what to really say, you speak the truth so very well. Truly only those that were there know the pain. My heart goes out to you. You have done a remarkable job on this piece. Congrats on the bronze and I hope you get a gold in one of the other contest, cause I think this piece deserves it. I am out of free applauds, but I am leaveing you three bunnies anyways. Keep your pen flowing.
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Dear RDW
I went out to The Veteran's Memorial Cemetery here in Las Vegas on Memorial Day. Both my brother and uncle are there, not too far from each other in fact.
It was about seven in the morning, and breezes blew the hundreds and hundreds of small flags one of the local organizations placed on every single grave. It resembled a diminutive Arlington. And so it should.
A familiar sense of pride surrounded me, not unlike the pride I felt when I was in their presence in the living time. My sister and I noticed that there were already
fresh flowers and bouquets here and there, from friends and family who had come even earlier than we, perhaps even yesterday. We knew, that by day's end, the complexion of this place would change considerably.
We placed the flags we'd brought and I lit incense at my brother's stone, something he picked up in Nam from Buddhism. We pinned pictures of his daughter and grandson to the flowers. I know he would have liked that.
Returning to the parking lot, I looked up at the huge cemetery's flag flapping in the strong breeze coming up from the valley below, making that sound that flags since time memorial have ever made in the wind....
furrrup-furrrup...(I Remember, I Remember).
Good luck, and good writing!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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WOW!!!!! What a write this is!!! I am a bit to young to remember that war, but I have heard horror stories on it. I hope that one day, you may find the peace you so deserve in your heart. I pray too, that one day we as a people can wake up and see how true your words are. People make war, and war kills and solves nothing! God Bless you and yours. Best of luck in the contests that you have this wonderful piece in.
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I'm not a veteran of Vietnam except for being a politically-conscious high-schooler at the time. Isn't it amazing that now, some 40-years later, this war still plays so much on the consciousnss and awareness of this nation that we know NEVER AGAIN, but those never-agains come and are and always will be there again and again...
I think a part of all our souls as a nation never left Vietnam...We never left but never want to return to those same killing fields again. You've expressed this so well by your poem, and I'm glad I had the chance to read this.
Jo
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i was a young kid when the war ended and never really heard much about it till years later. i remember a neighbor coming home without his legs but that was about all i knew about the war. it wasn't untill i was grown that i took the time to learn more about it and how the service men was treated when they return. recently a friend of mine passed away who had serve there and it was very seldom that he talked about anything that went on. even though he never opened up and talk about it, it was obvious that it was always a part of him, he never really left viet nam. he had nightmares every night and out of fear of harming someone in his sleep, he never really had girlfriends, anyone that he would start a permanent relationship with. through him i only saw a glimpse of the hell he had and was still going through. this is late in coming, but thank you for serving and i'm sorry for the way you guys were treated once you were home again. God bless.
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I belive this is one of my favorite works.
This is a very good poem, and thank you so very much for your service to our great country. I dont know exactly how you feel because i'm only 16 but I lost an uncle to that war, he did not die in the war, but the emotional damage it caused, killed him, because when he came back he commited suicide. I have study on the war and read my books written by vets of the war. The poem really helps me understand why he hurt so bad, and what drove him to do such a thing. Thank You, for writing this and I hope it helps others understand the senselessness of war, Good Job and keep writing.
ForgottenDrued
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Amen
A well written and true experience that never ends yet here we are doing it again . I want to tell you there is no right way for war its greed in its meanest form that gets nowhere .
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And as time marches on the memories will never fade. the look of terror in the eyes of those young men left and lost will haunt and never loose its grip on the soul. Only the names of the wars change, and death counts go down as technology improves, but the price is still paied by those on the front lines. Thank you for sharing a part of your nightmare, maybe by doing so it can ease your burden however slightly.
Cheryl
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we have all heard stories from loved ones about things they have been through but you did an amazing job with this. My father was in vietnam and don't think he has ever said as much about it. I think this is a stunning poem. Keep sharing your talent.
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I thought it was told with an honest voice. This was not the voice of a poet waxing poetic, but of a person who is trying to make sense out of the senseless. When you're humpin' 80 pounds of gear in the heat, dust, bugs and muck, it can be hard to see the beauty that still surrounds you. If it ain't trying to kill you, it gets ignored. As for the technical stuff, the rhythm could use a bit of tightening and not quite sure why you changed to the AABB pattern in the fourth stanza. Still, a nice poem and congrats on the Bronze!
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