my dull boots carry
me, thick with invisible
gore caked on by
enemies i cannot see
i am alone, save for
this shrieking mental silence
and this blood-black
rifle to whom i pray
will save me
because in this cold,
shadowed hell
there is no god
Author notes
Silver winner in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2351570
Silver winner in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2367800
In a list
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Very Nice
This short and it all works perfectly. Well done and good luck in the contest. -
Loved it
Very short but so beautifully written. This really appealed to me, your lexus is perfect, your description is amazing and the picture really helped open the window into the mind. Amazing write. Welcome to the finalists.
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my lexus?
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lexus is word choice...amazing...such a talented poet yet such little knowledge of English...
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My knowledge of English is fine, thank you. I've just never heard the word used in the manner you did.
That said, I try not to consider poetic device when writing; I prefer to just go with what's good.
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WHOA
THIS IS DEEP AND VERY DARK......it left me in awe. Great job on the write......kudos
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Yikes, that's depressing. Not depressing, I suppose, as much as it is dark and disturbing. Just the kinda thing I like to read first thing in the morning! lol. Thanks for that. And thanks for entering my contest. I like getting a variety of types of writing, and this has added well to the lot.
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I like this. A lot. That is all I have to say on this matter. Thank you. Goodbye.
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that was intense, wish it could've been longer though
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I felt it would be more powerful and have more impact if kept short; otherwise, I risked diluting it and I didn't want that.
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Interesting piece.
Vsutton -
Powerful write
The way we abuse our gift of life. War, greed , lust and a host of selfish wants. But seems we never learn as the Parasites prey on us
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Interesting take on this picture.
I love the way you went inside the mind
of this soldier and brought out the
emotions felt within. The way that
she depends and prays upon her rifle
to keep her safe and sound. The only
friend that she has to help her through
the situation at hand.
Well done with this write. I really
enjoyed reading it and thank you very
much for your entry in my contest!
I appreciate it and wish you the best
of luck with it here!
Jeremy0826 -
Great job of bringing out the inside of a soldier who has been in war. The last line I believe is how many soldiers feel at times. Deep and dark feeling inside.
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Short but yet eaisly understood ! i can feel the pain that is in you.
The first Impression that I had was that you had been in this War that we are still in. That you are expressing the sight's that you saw , the gross but yet truthful way's of the War. Wondering if you would ever make it Home safe and Sound from all the harm.I feel for all our "Troop's Out There Fighting This War For All of Us Here" For alot of them give up their life while other's take care of the Injured one's as they come back in , if they make it back at all.
LoveSpell-PurpleRose
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