The girl sits silently
in the back row of class
being, oh so, quite
like it was Sunday mass.
But what is she doing?
What is in her hand?
Is that a needle?
What is her plan?
She keeps her eyes fixed
on the board ahead
Scraping the needle down her wrist
cutting away the dread.
For a moment she tenses up
Then her shoulders drop
She lets out a breath
All thoughts in her head stop
She embraces the stinging
that lingers on her skin
What is god thinking?
Is this a sin?
This is not the first time
nor is it the last
All that she knows
is that she must act fast
She wipes away the blood
and slides her jacket on
if someone saw her,
her life would be gone
She never raises her hand
even if she can answer the question
Everyone would see her scarsand she's not ready for that confession
She goes on with her day
The scars she is careful to hide
Not letting anyone know
that she's dead inside
Her friends ask her
"Are you okay?"
She says she is fine
just like every other day
She hates giving that answer
She wants to die in youth
She wishes when she answered someone would say
"Please, tell the truth."
Author notes
AshesFromFire
Theme: My life. All the ups and downs (mainly downs). You will see a lot of writing about my mom and the way I self harm.
giving up on me (subject:self harm)
A contest entry
- EASIEST contest in the world!!!!! Everything & Nothing !!!!!! by ibsons hysops.
302 points, ended June 5, 2007, 85 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The pain that Kills us by SoftlyScreaming.
450 points, ended June 19, 2007, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Welcome to my World by Claudia Incognito.
300 points, ended July 9, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Cutters And The Suicidal by Juggalette Sammy.
1000 points, ended May 22, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Assisted Self-Harm (picture, song, and idea prompts) by LovelyTraces.
2100 points, ended June 13, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Hmm. Some parts of this were a little cliche', but if this is how you felt, then who I am to criticize you on your originality? I thought the ideas were okay, and I particularly liked how you mentioned her desire to 'die in youth'. That part was powerful for me. I think you could make some improvements to this, to wrap it up a bit better, but overall, you definitely let the readers empathize. Good job.
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the way the words went together was amaizing. this is so sad and meaning full. i love it
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I really truly enjoyed reading this from beginning to end.
The words flowed very well, the imagery was amazing.
I could really picture what was happening, which is one of the major things I was looking for. Thanks for entering, and good luck! -
i'm the cutter in class.
i'm so sorry and i hope you're doing better,hun =]
some people saw my scratches
all it got me was 12 hours in the psych ward
and a new nickname.
cookie cutters.
yeah.i know.
but trust me,i'm not telling you to come out of the closet
do it as long as you need to
just don't go too deep.
please?
Oh yeah,and you posted this on my birthday
May 24th
my lucky day =] -
I love how it makes me think, I can picture it and feel how I used to be. If everyone paid attention to everyone, no one would feel that way.
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Wow.
All I could think about when I read this was how much I could relate to this. I used to be that kid in the back of the class, doing this. I used to be the kid that hid all my scars. I was the kid that would rarely speak, even if I knew the appropriate thing or the correct answer.
I loved this poem, even with the "negative" content of it all. It was well rhymed and well written. The only issue I saw was the long sentence in paragraph eight. Maybe you could break it apart? It would flow a lot better right there.
A great, fantastic write.
I hope you do well in the contest.
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I like it a lot! I used to be that kid..and off and on I still am.. It's amazing, I loved that you put
She goes on with her day
The scars she is careful to hide
Not letting anyone know
that she's dead inside
cause its true..you feel dead and all you want is to not let anyone know..
All together it's a great poem, good rhyme, good flow, everything...in my opinion... Keep it up!
<3
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i really love this poem it makes me feel like i am there...i really like this part
She hates giving that answer
She wants to die in youth
She wishes when she answered someone would say
"Please, tell the truth."
it's like they don't pay attention to her...like they don't know if she is lieing.
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this poem was so emotion-filled. and I agree with bella, it hits home. you rhymed perfectly and had amazing flow. the ending was fabulous. keep it up.
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This hits home. Kicks you in the gut. Chains your mind up in it. Incredible write. You have an awesome ability to convey your feelings and experiences. And that's what poetry is about. Good reads!
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this was amazing.
I loved it because it told such an excellent story, one thats very emotional.
I loved this
keep writing!!
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o this was beautiful...so emotional and powerful...i can relate to it so much...all the wording and flow went together so well...im not a huge fan of rhyming but this really was a good rhyming poem...the lines
She hates giving that answer
She wants to die in youth
She wishes when she answered someone would say
"Please, tell the truth."
i thought they added a punch to it and it really ended the poem well...great job and good luck in the contest...
xXsewn2getherXx -
This is very emotionally written, so obvious it hits close. Good write
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This poem has such potential to have a perfect rhythm!!!!! It would be such a perfectly read poem and beautiful in it's morbidity! Please... if you want, I'd like to work with you to make it that perfect rhythm, after the contest is over. You think you'd want to? And be able to remember
-
ya
i like it i have a friend like this to -
Awe!!
It hurts to die inside..
Very great imagery
Thanks for entering my contest & best of luck
GlotiousGift
Heba -
great
this had almost everything im looking for except why she did it.. im fine with this poem being longer, it needs to be... theres so much story to tell here, you're on a great track and you're a really good writer.. i liked this piece.. good luck on the contest.
-mwh- -
great poem so full of feelings of sadness
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wow
its so true to life because you can always find people like that, i sincerely hope you didn't take it from personal experience...
I personally don't understand how cutting yourself helps! but i doubt i would never know untill i do that, i've done lots of stupid things but this aint one.
Thats how this poems made me feel its great keep writing
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I like i
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cool
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Hmm a bit sad
This is more of a sad write, It is very well done but just because you self mulalate does not mean it is dark enough to stir my soul. Your writing is very well done tho. But for me this is more sadening than dark. But thank you for your entry. I am sorry I have to DQ you, feel free to try again -
this is sooo sad, but amazing , awsomw write!!!
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thats amazing!!!!!!
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GREAT JOB! i loved the last stanzaa. I can relate to this so much... i loved it
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Very very deep
i hope that one day i might understand why people turn on them selves in this way, and work like this adds a steeping stone to that answer, brilliant
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wow, this is great. I adore this. This is just amazing. The flow and the wording is perfection. This really hooked my attention from start to finish. Thats really great especially since it it 3 in the morning.
She never raises her hand
even if she can answer the question
Everyone would see her scars and she's not ready for that confession
I know exactly how that feels. Hiding scars from people. The ending is wonderful, but so is the whole thing. Good Luck in the contest.
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