Nostalgia Anthem For My Inner Child

~o~

I'd lay down in the water with my ears covered up
The birds sounded different,
Everyone spoke so far away,
And I watched the clouds go by,
Until the hours manifested a gray low tide,
Until the sweet sunlight and the warm air died
Outside that puddle of an ocean,
Built near Tommy's fence,
Just outside that crosshatched gate,
Separating two grown tents

Then my airplane lost its wing,
It's poor right arm caught in a green grape vine,
It wouldn't fly,
It wouldn't fly
But at least I had my kite
At least I broke my arm that day,
Before finding out,
All the suffering of a broken heart,
That would surely find my way,
That would leave me the next day,
That dies now somewhere far away
I've buried the past deep in the dirt,
And share my sutured, beating box,
All its smiles with every systolic song

I found out on some afternoon,
That I didn't belong on New York City streets,
When my head was bleeding on the asphalt,
And I dreamt I saw my father,
Falling down the stairs,
Right on his back,
Right on his brave and stable spine,
In those damn recurring thoughts
I ran away but I forgot,
Why I cried behind the pine
How cowardice was coming up so quickly,
And bravery lagged behind

I grew with the rest of the flowers
But always was the last one picked,
They'd all try to impress the Southern belles,
But not me,
I'd just quit

I used to curse and then I stopped,
But now I don't give a fuck
I wonder though, just sometimes,
What a younger me would think,
If he saw the man he would become?
Would he break the chain and change a link,
So he could grow up differently?
Or would he just smile and say,
He'd hate to be like me?
Would he learn to hate always being unsure,
And lose himself in his fears?
The second he'll pick up the pen,
And write his first troubled tale,
He'll remember it for the rest of his days,
He'll remember it forever,
He'll feel it burn in memories, always
He'll learn so well to hesitate,
To get dizzy all the time,
To get that stinging pain in his heart and head,
To never fall asleep in his own bed,
To keep his friends so far away,
To keep her just barely out of reach,
To forget to dream and remember the way,
To hide his head when he goes to sleep

But I'll be sure to hold him close,
And then tell him every word,
Every syllable and sound,
I'll hold him close and say,
"Don't be afraid,
Just don't be afraid,
Go on now,
Go and play"

~o~