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I'm Falling

An angel by far, is not what I am
A demon sent by Satan, I obey his commands
I'm here to scorn to all onto death
To see no escape for those that are left


 This little boy in the corner of my eye runs to hide

Why does he scurry off? as a way to get by?

He thinks I wont see him, I look at his face

What I see is more than my own disgrace

A demon boy who walks in between

What is him and what we've seen

 

So well hes hidden all that he has become

The snake like figures lonesome venom

 

 

 

Author notes

"The snake like figures lonesome venom" I really like this line for the simple fact that a snake is represented as the devil and venom is a poison. So its saying he is the devils poison....


option 2 dark sunrise


DARKNESS CONSUMES

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • FlirtingWithSuicide
    June 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    well..I can say this is deff original and I like it very much, right to the point good job!

  • karabi
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very good

    A very good poem. We get a very clear picture of the devil in a very few words. Nor do I find anything wrong with the concluding lines. They are quite good.


  • They Say Shannon
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It wasn't the word that I didn't like.
    I understood where it was coming from.
    I guess I didn't feel like it flowed.
    Because the way the word before it pronounced makes me pronounce venom like ven-um rather then venim... (I'm sure it's just a preference thing. Haha.)


  • They Say Shannon
    June 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like the concept but the last line of the second groupings does not flow very well. I also think that the venom portion doesn't flow either. Maybe another word?

    But overall, nice job! :


    • NickelleteXninja
      June 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I really adore that line.. I think that the meaning to it is wonderful and I'm sorry that you dont think so, venom is poison... Hes the venom that the devil uses... so it hink it fits.

      thanks for the comment though


  • coffeeangel316
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think you did such a wonderful work here it is good and the flow is wonderful. You have a special talent don't never let anyone tell you any different.


  • Lady-Pegasus
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e


  • RedAquarius
    June 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That last line seems a bit awkwardly worded for me. "What I see is more than my own disgrace" - good line.


  • vampireblood
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I honestly really liked this. However, the last line didnt really seem to go with the flow of the poem. Otherwise I liked it alot. It was dark and chilling. Thanks for entering and bets of luck to you in my contest.
    ~~~Vampy~~~


  • Hiddenspaces
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    odd yet somehow chilling.nice write.


  • vici377
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i like it

    simple verdict for a complicated thought in this poem..you bring to life how evil is all around us...and how it is masked with humanity.. very awesome read


  • zhaniswolf
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    cool. it captivates my attention and holds me to the end. it also adds in imagery as well. good job and good luck in my contest.


  • Ari in Wonderland
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Impressive

    "The snake like figures lonesome vemon" I love how it sounds, it really fits the poem. The little boy that is corrupted, the demon. Awesome job.


  • Tconi
    May 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    odd yet interesting


  • Jeneralix
    May 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love it! I wish I had your talent for rhyming. Idk, it might just be me. lol Definitely an amazing poem. Great write and good luck in the contest!
    <3 jenerali

1 - 15 of 15