hearing poems
by Ono no Komachi
lover's longings
as I walk on
autumn leaves
Andrew Hide
24~5~2007
Author notes
Poems by Ono no Komachi can be read at
http://oldpoetry.com/oauthor/show/Ono_no_Komachi
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I think that this could have used some punctuation, but that is just stylistic, and does nothing to hinder the amazing effect of this poem. Nicely scribed, an thank you for sharing. Be blessed
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wow, this is exactly as i like to do.
portray emotions and the point of a peice in very few short lines.
i apluade anyone who can pull it off as well as you can.
be well and be blessed. -
This was a very good read. you portrayed your thoughts very well also. All and all, a well written piece.
Keep up the good work. -
ohhhh ahhhhh * the crowd goes wild *
keep penning
glass fingers
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Lovely!
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alone
nice write . . like the Tanka format . . like "hearing poems" and "as I walk on autumn leaves" . . !!
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This is great, it had been a long time since I've read you... I love a Tanka that leaves me thinking and you have with this piece, so many different ways the reader can interpret the words and meaning. Fantastic piece this is.
Karen
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It's a cliche, but short and sweet definitely describes it. Presents a great image. Can be read on several different levels. Autumn leaves, colorful but dead? Some echoes of the pain of longings in a poem with a more happy tone? Or am I reading too much into it?
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This was a good poem. Short but sweet. This was a good tanka. I'll be reading more of your work. Keep up the good writing.
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beautiful tanka i have yet to master such a thing am trying though keep up the good writes
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what a beauty is here in this verse of yours my friend...taking me to the deep of the concept ..I can see the beauty of the life and the
touch of the love in this image
bringing a kind of the universsal curiosity through your poetry here.. well done
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I am not familiar with this form but the poem you've written here is filled with imagery and feelings. I have to check the author out that you mention here. I am a reader of poetry more than a writer. You have peaked my interest in this form with this lovely writing. I am one who loves Autumn. The brisk air, colorful (crunchy) leaves. This is simply beautiful!
April
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i quite enjoyed reading this actually....it is short but enjoyable....keep up the great work and maybe you can enter my contest
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Wow, that was great. I could hear those leaves, and that chilly, something ending sound that I associate with fall. Using the term lover's longings really set the stage, and then you just really brought it all together with the powerful imagery in the last line. A really excellent poem!
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I have yet to learn how to write this form but I do so love reading it when it has been penned by a master poet such as yourself. Thank you for sharing. Pen on dear poet!
midnight lace -
Thank you for linking me up with this oldpoetry poet - first time I have heard of her, but will read more of this author. Liked your thoughts in poetry above too - fits well with this season.
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Nicely done. Thank you for putting in your author's notes, so I could find out about who you were writing. Lovely images you've inspired bewtween lover's and nature, with a nice pinch of alliteration.
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Transcend all
I love new things and for me this is one of those. I have to say I read it a couple of times until one of you commentaries made clear the rhythm. I will have to look into this, so I appreciate you showing me something new. I thought it was a GROOVY piece of writing!
Namaste'
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I like tanka, but I don't think this is one.
Tanka have a syllable count of 5-7-5-7-7, and yours is
4-7-4-4-3. I like the poem though, it's really interesting. I've never heard of that poet before, but it's seems like you really like his poetry to be basically dedicating a poem to him.
I enjoyed reading your poem and I will look into the rest of your poetry.
-KonoichiOkami
BTW; I'm not trying to bash your poem, I like it the way it is, and I hope you keep it the same.
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a very short poem, lol, it took me about three reads to fully grasp the meaning, i think it was well done even in those few lines
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hearing poems
by Ono no Komachi
lover's longings
as I walk on
autumn leaves
Think it would look better with this gap in it??
This was a thought provoking little tanka! Very nice indeed, bittersweet!
Well described and visual!
Tough Cookie (Sarah)
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Very short and different. I like the fact your poem was both. It was also beautiful in how it was written. Keep it up!
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Great...I have not read the poems, but thanks or the link.I bet they are amazing, if u can write such a sweet poem about them.
Lovely -
oh yes ... listening to her wonderful poetry while walking ... the link between lover's longings and autumn leaves is wonderful - painful, as only winter can follow ... i stumble a little on lover's longings - love the 'l' sounds (which runs throughout the second half) and also the pivot (it creates all kinds of connections for me; not just hearing the poetry but my own feelings - so nicely done) ...reading it aloud 'lover's longings' sounds awkward ... (mebbe its my accent?) ...
lovely piece - so nice to see a post from you and look forward to many more >>> gina
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