The sun has long since sank
beyond the forbidding line of the horizon.
Darkness closes in,
and with it goes the day's warmth.
Cold creeps in,
dragging along bloody memories,
that steal and kill my visions of you
in cold blood.
The cold tearing at my skin
is a vicious reminder
of the cruelest sensation in this world,
feeling the life leave you,
the iciness of Death severing your last tie
with this luke-warm world.
Stealing away my first love,
sweet summer Love caught in the grip
of an eternal, merciless winter.
The change in your skin haunts me still
at night I feel your empty husk in my arms.
Close my eyes to the taunting emptiness,
I smell you, smell the change,
as Death with its sick stench
steals your ripe salt from my nose,
and forces its darkness to the bloodied beauty of your face.
Author notes
RIP- For Jason.
A contest entry
- 6 options...Do you have what it takes? by vampireblood.
400 points, ended June 12, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Faded White From Loss Of Life by Bohemian Complex.
600 points, ended July 18, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Does Time Truly Heal A Broken Gun? by Acidanthra.
600 points, ended October 23, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - in loving memory by Improv Machinery.
420 points, ended March 1, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow the imagery is very capturing I find this piece to give the mind wing's for your creative expression.Very well penned indeed.Thanks for sharing you talent.
Congradulations on the trophy's well deserved
tony
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i really like this write. the metaphor about winter is excellent. i must admit that this write did make me flash back to the day when i got the news but i guess that means that the poem worked. it had a message to convey, and that it did. thanks for entering
Rob -
This is quite the perfect analogy of loss, period.
Though nothing seems so perfect about what is being paralleled.
Your words ae put togethr quite well to express and describe just how bleak it really feels/is.
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Brrr...I could really feel the chill and emptiness this poem evokes. The tone and wording was incredibly effective in giving the emotion to this poem, the last lines stood out to me the most. Excellent piece!
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In beauty and depth, Winter has been favorite season of Death. Your words were haunting, and though merciless at first, love will ultimately give you the strength to carry on.
Good luck, and thank you for entering. -
Wow, this was really good. It was full of such imagery. I also liked your word choice. Nicely done. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
so sad but it really tells the story of a girl hurt and betrayed by her lovers final end.
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Loved it. Said so much to my soul...to my memory..to my heart. You have a great way with the words you impart. They scream into the face of this cold un-caring world.
Blessings,
Azlyn
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wow
such powerful images such emotion
this is a truly great writting of loss and pain
i feel so sad by these words
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Wow. This was a very good and very powerful poem. I have to say that I'm very impressed. I really enjoyed reading it. This poem is right up my ally. Lol. Great job and keep it up!
Megan
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