A fair young maiden shown in pale moonlight
though tears escaped her eyes of brilliant blue
and hair of gold now glowed a silver white
waiting for dreams to make their grand debut.
So carefully her heart would beat and yearn
for love to free from prison where she kept
her faith and soul alive as ember burn
for love of heart for whom her tears are wept.
When longing eyes held liquid in each brim
her mourn forever whispered on soft wind
kept life for her a fate no more than grim;
one never filled or able to rescind.
'Tis sad, her time spent searching sky above
to ease her heartbreak aching for true love.
In a list
A contest entry
- BATTLE OF THE SONNETS---ROUND 1 by mamad.
400 points, ended June 3, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Yes..no..yes..
A wonderful collection of words, and lines, not quite hitting the mark for me, tho I should have been pleased if I had done it.
I was all the time looking for sentences.
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Can't please everyone.
This was written so long ago, my beginning stages of sonnet, at which I am STILL practicing.
Thank you for your impressions. Much appreciated. ~Pamela 
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Excellently conveyed emotion
Wow, these lines impacted me most strongly:
"her mourn forever whispered on soft wind
keeps life for her a fate no more than grim;
one never filled or able to rescind." (especially this last line)
I like the imagery you used in: "A fair young maiden ... // and hair of gold now glowed a silver white / in wait for dreams to make their grand debut." It is so soul-wrenchingly mournful.
It reads in perfect iambic pentameter to me. Great job!
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I thank you again for going back to read some of my earlier writes. Oh I found such room for editing in this one. Thank you again. ~Pamela
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Amazing
The title of this Sonnett is reflected throughout the poem, you paint a vivid picture with your words of longing that would be mirrored in the eyes so plain for all to see. Your ending couplet is a perfect conclusion bringing your poem full circle.
Brilliant!
Katie
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Katie
Thank you. Thank you so much. I find Sonnet quite difficult, but I try. ~Pamela 
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This poem is very well done. The flow of the words is gorgeous and the vocabulary well chosen. A marvelous write!
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GreenHrtPaleMoon
Thank you. I had forgotten all about this sonnet. My "learning experience" in this contest. AND OH DID I LEARN. They are not so easy to write.
I appreciate you taking a moment to read and leave your impressions. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Beautiful English Sonnet....
though tears escaped her eyes of brilliant blue
and hair of gold now glowed a silver white
in wait for dreams to make their grand debut.
These lines just hit me like a ton of bricks.
One of these days, I am going to pick up some form poetry. I'm doing a little reading on cinquains. This is just exquisite work, Pamela. All of your poetry fits into that category. Rhyme is where I struggle the most, but that's okay, because the fun is in the learning.
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knight70
Thank you so much. Oh I did struggle with these sonnets. Thank you for such kind words. ~Pamela 
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~sighs~
How I absolutely LOVE the way you compose these sonnets
Such a timeless beauty your words hold in this classical form.
An ache that is felt deeply for true love~
Loved this so much my friend. You are certainly the master of form poetry~
Warmest blessings
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~lk~
Thank you so much. I am so pleased for your comment here. To have made it to the second round in this was pure luck. I about beat my head against the wall with these sonnets. I will tell you, they are a lot more difficult than I thought with getting the meter right. I am so pleased you liked this. Thank you so much. ~Pam
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Sad sonnet
A wonderful entry into the contest.
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Wandika
Thank you so much Jim. I am pleased you enjoyed this. These sonnets are much more difficult than I had thought. Fast becoming a great challenge for me. Thank you again. Hope all is well with you and yours. ~Pamela
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Ok Shakespear. i porbably spelled that wrong. This is a well formed sonnet. The lines beat a long. You convey a longing in this poem very well.
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Jeff Swan
Thank you so much. LET ME TELL you, I about beat my brains with these three sonnets. Much much more difficult than I had thought. I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece. Thank you. ~Pamela
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a graceful sonnet expressing romantic feelings of longing for the beloved ...
a very fitting subject for the english sonnet ...
I am amazed how you have succeeded to write three new sonnets in such a short time, without ever having written one before ...
you have great talent, pamela ...
maa
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Lovely Sonnet
This is so lovely and heart-rending. A beautifully written piece.
Lady Dragonwyck
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Lady D
Thank you so much. English Sonnet - a first for me.... Tougher than it looks. So pleased for your comment here. ~Pameal
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Nice sonnet. Check your meter in line 13.
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Thank you
On Longing - I think I've got line 13 meter now. I appreciate your comments. I have never written an English Sonnet before.
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And I think heartbreak can only be eased from finding that true love... unless the true love breaks your heart... then what can you do? This was absolutely beautiful!
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going nowhere
Thank you so much. Believe it or not, I have never tried my hand at an English Sonnet before. I am so pleased for your comment here. Thank you so much. ~Pamela
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