Bob said Fuck the Disenchanted
You left me sitting outside
I was about to push the Knife in
You said, "Could you be more rude?"
You should ask for some Release
I Made This
I painted scars on our Masterpiece.
A contest entry
- Seven Lines by Lj-.
300 points, ended May 27, 2007, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Good
the last line is amazing, this is a familiar pattern with you - good and sometimes brilliant writing, often within one stand out line or phrase, in the case the last line, desperately needs to be explored further that lines.
Excellent killer line and works so well at the end, I don't love the title - but i don't hate ot, would have took that last line.
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(Lol, I love the title.)
Very strong. I love the addition of dialogue - a nice touch.
The subtle rhyme in the fifth and seventh lines added a cool flow.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck!
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=)
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