Standing before us:
the promise of painless life,
dreams neverending,
death destroyed by its own hand.
“Cross over the gate,”
the voice of the breeze tells me.
“But carry nothing.
Leave all that you know behind.
Pass, and you will never want.”
Behind me lies doubt,
uncertainty and sickness,
waiting in the brooks
and vistas of mortal life.
All our tomorrows
conspire to make us blind,
equally guilty
as yesterday in robbing
the present from our spirits.
Yet I also see
this ardent stable of friends,
steady like the tide,
and evenly adamant.
I have also heard
that those who live without trial
often grow fragile,
the weight of a single care
enough to hold their bones down.
Armed with a sure foot,
I turn away from the gate,
sound in the knowledge
that life makes me rich enough.
The rewards of earth
provide a constant convoy.
The creek soothes my ears,
copper pheasants dot my path,
and I float upon today.
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-write of 2007 by Metaphorist.
900 points, ended January 4, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - IT IS CHOKA TIME by Swan song.
1950 points, ended April 1, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like this very much. It's a really great write. Nicely done.
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Very good I liked this very much good luck
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I love this! Imagery was original and well done.
My favorite parts:
"All our tomorrows
conspire to make us blind,
equally guilty
as yesterday in robbing
the present from our spirits."
and
"the weight of a single care
enough to hold their bones down."
Thoroughly enjoyed this piece.
Thanks for entering. Good luck in my contest and in the New Year!
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Boy do I love rebellion. It looks good on you, kid! I'm not sure what I can say is my favorite part, but the visual of death taking its own life is more than a little haunting.
In a second review this is actually my favorite:
Yet I also see
this ardent stable of friends,
steady like the tide,
and evenly adamant.
This is a perfect description. Truthfully, though there is no weak part of this poem. I'm not sure where it came from, but I like that place!
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