What do you do
When everything comes unglued
As the winter’s about to end
You planned your life
But not for the strife
It wasn’t what you’d intend
Golden girl all bubbles
Got into troubles
And the law just didn’t bend
She stood in the court
Built like a fort
And the judge sentenced her to the pen
But a baby was coming
And needed his mummy
What was Golden girl to do
She lay in her cell
Not feeling so swell
Dreaming of her boy blue
She went through the days
Feeling dismayed
As she waited to appeal
Not really believing
Thinking the law was deceiving
And that this couldn’t be real
Her mother did race
To search for a place
For the law to send her to
Wishing and praying
They’d stop delaying
So life could be right for boy blue
Finally finding a haven
With Karen rhona and raven
Where Golden girl could start a new
They got the appeal
And it was all real
So off to the haven they went
A wonderful place
Freeing girls of disgrace
Only good things for mothers was meant
They all did chores
Hoping, health girls or boy
Thinking of what heaven has sent
The day finally came
Life was never the same
As boy blue entered the world
Ten fingers ten toes
and a cute little noes
and eyes like big blue pearls
Leaving birth haven
And Karen rhona and raven
Setting out to start a life
How would it grow
No one could know
That they would soon deal with old strife
Boy blues father died
And everyone cried
And life seemed so graven
Feeling all alone
She picked up the phone
And called for some savin
Happy to glee her
They all came to see her
Karen rhona and raven
Life came together
Again birds of a feather
All thanks to birth haven
What do you do
When everything comes unglued
And winter’s about to end
When you feel so alone
You pick up the phone
Birth haven is forever your friend
A contest entry
- Worthy? by shirk.
500 points, ended June 2, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The structure of this poem isn't what I like...I don't know why...but your lack of punctuation doens't strike me as good either. I like a lot of your images on this one, but the structure and the punctuation isn't good.
I also don't like the way you just say things straight out...Let me infer things...
Thanks for the entry -
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thanx 4 ur comment
im not much for punctuation when im just typing fast enough to keep up with whats in my head... I'm thankful you commented so I can keep it in mind but I'm sorry to say it won't really do much good for new poem entries only because I can write how I feel that second or whats in my head but spell checking and editing and rewrites are diffenrent for me. Just another excuse I suppose but I'm always glad when I get constructive critisizm thank again - jen P.s after reading your comment I think I won't ever take your advise but thanx just the same
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