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ugh just somerandom trying it will be revised

What do you do
When everything comes unglued
As the winter’s about to end

You planned your life
But not for the strife
It wasn’t what you’d intend

Golden girl all bubbles
Got into troubles
And the law just didn’t bend

She stood in the court
Built like a fort
And the judge sentenced her to the pen

But a baby was coming
And needed his mummy
What was Golden girl to do

She lay in her cell
Not feeling so swell
Dreaming of her boy blue

She went through the days
Feeling dismayed
As she waited to appeal

Not really believing
Thinking the law was deceiving
And that this couldn’t be real

Her mother did race
To search for a place
For the law to send her to

Wishing and praying
They’d stop delaying
So life could be right for boy blue

Finally finding a haven
With Karen rhona and raven
Where Golden girl could start a new

They got the appeal
And it was all real
So off to the haven they went

A wonderful place
Freeing girls of disgrace
Only good things for mothers was meant

They all did chores
Hoping, health girls or boy
Thinking of what heaven has sent

The day finally came
Life was never the same
As boy blue entered the world

Ten fingers ten toes
and a cute little noes
and eyes like big blue pearls

Leaving birth haven
And Karen rhona and raven
Setting out to start a life

How would it grow
No one could know
That they would soon deal with old strife

Boy blues father died
And everyone cried
And life seemed so graven

Feeling all alone
She picked up the phone
And called for some savin

Happy to glee her
They all came to see her
Karen rhona and raven

Life came together
Again birds of a feather
All thanks to birth haven

What do you do
When everything comes unglued
And winter’s about to end

When you feel so alone
You pick up the phone
Birth haven is forever your friend

A contest entry

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Comments


  • shirk
    June 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The structure of this poem isn't what I like...I don't know why...but your lack of punctuation doens't strike me as good either. I like a lot of your images on this one, but the structure and the punctuation isn't good.

    I also don't like the way you just say things straight out...Let me infer things...
    Thanks for the entry


    • cantgetoverit
      June 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thanx 4 ur comment

      im not much for punctuation when im just typing fast enough to keep up with whats in my head... I'm thankful you commented so I can keep it in mind but I'm sorry to say it won't really do much good for new poem entries only because I can write how I feel that second or whats in my head but spell checking and editing and rewrites are diffenrent for me. Just another excuse I suppose but I'm always glad when I get constructive critisizm thank again - jen P.s after reading your comment I think I won't ever take your advise but thanx just the same