An inferno tempest,
Winds of blazing passion,
Storming through my mind,
Singeing my heart
With a cool indifference
Branding into my mind
Your words, your smile,
Your kiss and your touch.
Like a holocaust,
Thoughts of women past
Have been incinerated
In your loving blizzard.
Scorched from my memory,
Ashen in comparison
To your pure radiance.
Forging these chains
In the flames of this love,
Cooling the steel in
My old tears, ice water,
Binding me to you,
Protecting me from any who
Would try to steal me away.
But still I stand here,
Numb... scorched
My soul still frosty,
My mind frozen,
Yet to be reached by the
Flames below,
Ignited by you,
The pyromaniac with the
Matches of lust.
Author notes
Still trying to perfect this piece. Any feedback would be golden.
"Cinema of Dreams"
A contest entry
- F is for FRAGILE...BALANCING on the way to Z....OPTIONS by Blue Rew.
819 points, ended July 9, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Is Eternal by Heartsafires.
2600 points, ended July 4, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ↨Rounds Contest - Preliminary Round↨ by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended September 12, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any comments and suggestions greatly appreciated.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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wonderful metaphors to fire and forging steel work well here to describe emotions of passion and desire; a very strong voice here and excellent expression...PK
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Thanks!
But still I stand here,
Numb... scorched
My soul still frosty,
My mind frozen,
Yet to be reached by the
Flames below,
Ignited by you,
The pyromaniac with the
Matches of lust.
thanks for entering,it's a really good write!i like the way the poem just sort of flows.i really enjoyed reading this!
-Y.W. xx -
very very very very very gud seriously!!! i enjoyed reading every bit of it! a talent i would ask you not to give up on ever,!@@
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I think this poem feels very passionate from the start and draws the reader in by the use of good imagery from the outset. “An inferno tempest, / Winds of blazing passion” leave us in no doubt that this poem contains intense emotions. I feel some examples of good imagery are in the lines “Like a holocaust, / Thoughts of women past / Have been incinerated, / Scorched from my memory” in the second stanza, and “Forging these chains” though this image could be considered a little cliché.
One line I personally think is out of place is in stanza two, “And iced in comparison” because although it is being used as a comparison, the rest of that stanza refers to heat in such words as “incinerated” and “scorched.” The comparison could still be made but would be better kept in line with the rest, leaving the ‘numbness’ and ‘cold’ for the last stanza, which I think makes good use of the two opposite feelings in the poem.
The entire poem has something to say to the reader and sustains interest to the concluding stanza which reinforces the strength of the work and adds cohesion by referring back to flames in the last lines.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Thank you for the poem! It was a good write! I was happy to read something that flowed the way it did!
Fire Angel -
Yes, I feel this. The raging passion that has not made itself into permanent feelings. Very well said.
Blue -
A Beautiful piece
You made very good use of this quote provided with some truly terrific metaphors. Nice work. This was a pleasure to read and enjoy. ~Pamela
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WOW!
This is a great write! The passion and strength is awesome and yet very touching. I'm very impressed and think you have much talent my friend! Blessings, FAH
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I'm speachless, this was so incredibly beautiful... I think this is my most favorite poem by far. I especially love the part "Like a holocaust,Thoughts of women past" Such a brilliant line. OMG just wonderful!
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Excellent
Very vivid, and descriptive. You were able to make great use of metaphors, and made them tangible. I enjoyed reading this poem from beginning to end.
I would also like to thank you for commenting on my work as well, and I'm glad you liked it. I hope to read more of yours soon.
Sincerely,
Martin
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