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Basement Stars

I could feel him smile
across the flesh of my cheeks,
touch every unshaven hair,
caress his thick neck.
[from something slightly more
serious than football training.]

My head fell into that natural nook,
between illegal borders
that light fires to unknown books.


He folded my arms into
forceful additions
of his own body.

We touched the stars
with tender collapsing
of every tendon.

Author notes

Please comment/critic!

peace to all ~flight

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Judo
    May 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Sheenbot

    Very interging! Liked it! You have an act for being a wonderful writer!


  • shirk
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You need to tell me which option please.

    I like this a lot. I don't have much in a way of a critique. But I don't think you should have the --- at the end. It just kinda takes up lines. I like your vocabulary...but I don't really like the part in the brackets...It's alright, but do you think you could come up with a more abstract ay of saying it?

    The emotion is great. Good job. Thanks for the entry.

    • flight
      May 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I thinked I missed where the options are?
      And thanks for your comment!
      The - - - was actually an accident!!
      I'll see if I can tweak this.

      peace to all ~flight