Walking softly
on scattered wares,
she inhales deeply.
The taste of stagnant air,
settles in her soul.
Her fingers reach
to caress a purple petal.
Needing to feel
the softness that it promises.
It withers
beneath her touch.
She sits on the littered path,
bending to smell a rose.
Needing to feel
the aroma that it promises.
It crumbles
into a scentless pile.
She turns her face,
towards days fading sun,
needing to feel
the warmth that it promises.
It sinks
beyond watercolor pines.
Undeterred,
She continues her journey,
seeking her redemption…
in a paper garden.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very nice, indeed.
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Nicely written
Enjoyed your poem and found your use of words to be interesting. For instance: "watercolor pines" and "scattered wares". The poem made me a little sad. Your last line "in a paper garden" was also interesting!. In total the poem was a good read. I must admit that I sometimes have a little difficulty with "free verse"...I usually rhyme when I write...something that usually isn't favored here on AP. Carolyn
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great job. I was also curious. A great piece. Very much emotion, imagery, and description in these words. Great job and I hope you keep writing!
~sakura~
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WOW!!!
The title of this piece caught my attention and I was curious...cause I'm feeling misled in my personal life and I don't want to mislead another...anyway, while reading your fantastically written piece, I was greatly touched...the story you present here sounds like MINE and the last line just blew me away...excellent imagery, keeps the attention...well sharpened piece here-congrats and thanx for sharing...would love to read more of urs...peace & blessings
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Amazing poem. very good use of words. it made me think i hope to read more of your work. and please keep it up god bless.
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beautifully written
love the last line,
"in a paper garden"
you play with the images very well
imagery is definitely your
strong area,
keep writing -
A thought provoking write,the title was apt,the character misled by misrepresentation as the senses were fooled,the reader paused at both read throughs at "needed to feel the aroma" as it suggested the character seeking a misrepresentation,wondered if perphaps instead you had considered the usage of perhaps "imbibe" instead of the word feel? Not a criticism but am pondering dear poet,as ever ,it must always,always be up to the creator of a piece as to how 'tis created,well done
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awww, sweet. if at first you do not succeed, keep going and thiongs will either get better or nothing. I love that she continues her journey, seeking her redemption in this paper garden, and perhaps she will find a real, green garden.Lol.
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