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God Forsaken

We don't see eye to eye
Keeping everything inside
And other places where we hide away
All our pain
Again and again
All the reason more to pray
Just to take it all away
Still leaves us numb and so afraid...

I've seen what you can do
All the maimed and lepers too
Mixed up in this human stew
And the pain
What's to gain!
If there are no answers to the call
Who really fell in that prideful fall
And if it really mattered to us after all

We don't see eye to eye
If a life is lived before we die
And the questions asked - never replied
Just empty words that simply fly
Away...
Is that all you have to say!
I don't believe in you
Do you don't believe in me too!

Author notes

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. (Voltaire)

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Forgotten Anomaly
    August 18

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    I've seen what you can do
    All the maimed and lepers too
    Mixed up in this human stew
    And the pain
    What's to gain!
    If there are no answers to the call
    Who really fell in that prideful fall
    And if it really mattered to us after all

    Ah, all the reasons I do not believe in any God or gods, too many questions, too few answers, and too much forced under supposed faith. Your rhyme is good and I don't like rhyme much, your meaning is wonderful, the poem is well written... overall its a wonderful piece. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Janetheplain
    July 12

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    In the rules I asked for no rhyme and your Allpoetry name in your Authorrs note. I like the idea and where you were going with it toward the end (the build up). But the last sentence, which should have been really powerful, made no sense grammatically speaking. I liked it overall. If you fix these things I would love for you to re-enter. Thank you, Jane.


  • isaacokumu gold member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this show all the angush toward him who has no name and figure, i wish we can see him eye to eye aye, so we can atlest believe more, lol well it is a great poem, i understand your pain, good luck in the contest, thanks for entering
    this was my fav part. "We don't see eye to eye
    If a life is lived before we die
    And the questions asked - never replied
    Just empty words that simply fly
    Away...
    Is that all you have to say!
    I don't believe in you
    Do you don't believe in me too!'

  • Backporchphilosopher gold member
    February 24
    Edit | Reply

    Points for entering great write!!!!!!!

  • Backporchphilosopher gold member
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    "If there are no answers to the call; Who really fell in that prideful fall; And if it really mattered to us after all..." Thoughtful, richly penned piece with interesting rhyme scheme (I still like rhyme! I'm old fashioned) "And the questions asked - never replied; Just empty words that simply fly
    Away..." Terrific write. Thanks for entering


  • reckless abandon
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this, but I didn't really catch on to any certain rhyme scheme. But oh well, it doesn't necessarily have to be certain. Thanks for sharing!


  • Symphony
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now this is where I struggle occasionally with my faith; while I myself am a catholic, there are parts of my beliefs that i do not agree with whatsoever; such as being against homosexuals, for one major part, and so on.

    This is another; to all those who believe in God, who cry out to him in times of terror, and pain, and suffering, why doesn't he come to them. And yet, he did the same with his own son [if i follow what i was lead to believe in] and so, what's to stop him doing the same with his innocent followers.

    I don't have an answer; i really wish i did.


  • l33t-n1nj4
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    excllent piece. very strong questions of faith. sorry i have no answers only similar questions. I feel many people will relate to this. you did an amazing job


  • Brit-Girl
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sorry but I don't really see how this relates to my prompt. nice write...just not what I was looking for.


  • lesbian-in-love
    January 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Option for this would be nice.


  • twilight seduction
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent argument in justifying the absence of a God or gods. (I include both so I am not discriminating against religions--I equally disbelieve the existence of the Hindu pantheon as well as the Christian God and all others)

    That last line was very attention getting and an excellent closing line.


  • I swashbuckler OK
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I guess you didn't read what I wanted in this contest did you? I wanted controversy. Controversy. Controversy.


  • Mansoor
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    was amazingly written and has some parts which strike me so much!!! i loved the way the flow, adn the imagery and the thoughts.. they are beautiful
    this part catches my most attention
    We don't see eye to eye
    If a life is lived before we die
    And the questions asked - never replied
    Just empty words that simply fly
    Away...
    Is that all you have to say!
    I don't believe in you
    Do you don't believe in me too!


    God bless


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Promise...sing

    'God if there is a god, save my soul if I have a soul" 18th century prayer of the British Infantry battalions before a battle.


    If there are no answers to the call
    Who really fell in that prideful fall
    And if it really mattered to us after all ?


    '...and thereon hangs a tale'




  • Mdr62
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    hello

    great job on this poem.. o liked it very much.. my fav part was We don't see eye to eye
    If a life is lived before we die
    And the questions asked - never replied
    Just empty words that simply fly away..... good luck in future contest,,,,


  • Epistomolus silver member
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good message

    I like the message, more timely than ever. If most of the world is worshipping the same God, why doesn't he step in and stop the squabbling? (Dr. Phil could teach him a thing or two about parenting.)

    I'd like to see you go back into your poem and tighten up the rhythm. It's easy to say, "Hey, it's free verse." But free verse isn't a poem without meter, it just doesn't follow a traditional metric form. The rhythm is more, not less, important. I think you can lose a few of the words in the longer lines without losing meaning, and make the poem more immediate.

    You use exclamation points in place of question marks throughout, which is an interesting choice. I don't think it takes away from the poem.

    You rhyme pain and gain (and again) at the same point in stanzas one and two, but you don't carry that forward to the third stanza. pain/gain is a trite rhyme (heard daily in gyms across the country). If you're using it for irony, carrying it through all three stanzas might make the point more clearly.

    You repeat the first line in the first and third stanzas. I don't feel a progression in the poem. I would like to see an idea develop in each stanza, then build and carry through to the conclusion. This would help to strengthen your main point. Is your point that god has forsaken the world, or is it that he doesn't believe in you? Can you tie the two ideas together?

    Thanks for posting this, and getting my head moving this morning. :-)

  • skaldkraft
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good read! The progression from one line, from one thought to another was strong. Your descriptions of your disappointment and the depth of your pain made me feel them. Your expression was wonderfully dark. Keep writing.

    “The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
    "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."--Lewis Caroll

  • Truenobleman
    June 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Title speaks aloud.

    Seems GOD is busy else where, this PLanet is on the back burner?

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