If you look at anything that's still for too long.
You'll notice that it's not continuing on.
A tree that no longer blows with the breeze.
Dies, and withers away with it's leaves.
A person that stops growing on.
Eventually dies, and just is gone.
Knowledge that ends, and never expands.
Becomes stupidity, in another's hands.
Love that doesn't grow till you're old, and gone.
Even that will wither, and become cold, and be gone.
Acceptance of others, builds peace and trust.
But lies and deceit, just shows our own lust.
One must remember what doesn't continue on.
Well, it becomes dead, and gone.
I guess what I'm saying is clear.
What becomes stagnant, just disappears.
Author notes
The less you do, the more it costs you! Here's to opening of minds, and a forever learning spirit. Learning is never a waste of time. Change can be good or bad, but remaining still for too long is certain death.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Beautiful words with a nice structure as well
Not to mention a great message, I know some people who need to realize this; change isn't bad
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Thanks,
It's a reminder to all, we can't afford wasting our lives away. There is so much we can do if we bother just simply moving. Connie
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I like this a LOT. This should be on a billboard somewhere.
Great!!! Write!!!
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Thanks.
Hopefully it inspires people to at least move. Connie
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great write! intense message. very true words. the only thing i might change is in these two lines...
'Love that doesn't grow till you're old, and gone.
Even that will wither, and become cold, and be gone.'
i would try to not have the same word ending two consecutive lines. i might use 'and be done'. but what do i know?! this is a great write with a priceless message and i'm glad i read it!
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Thanks.
That was a hard thing to write using any other word for me. Connie
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i like it. the flow is good. rythme is ok. but the meaning of the poem is great.
xoxox -
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Thanks,
all I was trying for was the meaning, it's great to know I did it.
Connie
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I love the last line...I think it wraps up the piece nicely...It's beautifully written and flows nicely.
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Thanks,
I guess it's a reminder to live life. I'm glad you liked it. Connie
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The last line really wraps up the piece nicely.
I love the message her, because it'ssomething thati beleive in strongly.
I cant stand closed-minds, and those not willing to grow and expand themselves.
great piece.
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Thanks,
life is a constant state of movement. So why people choose to stop is beyond me. Connie
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Wow...I love this! It's beautifully written, with a great flow and rhyme... so often, pieces written in this style/form end up sounding halting and awkward, but yours didn't at all. It's very difficult, and you did an awesome job. I'm very impressed! Absolutely wonderful!
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Thanks again,
it seems to be almost the natural way for me to write.
Connie
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This is a very good write. The use of so many commas halts the flow just a little. Maybe read it over and see which ones you can eliminate. This is still a very good write with a powerful message, something that gets stagnant minds to think a little...and even those that aren't.
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Thanks,
a lot of people seem bothered by my use of commas, but if I were reading it out loud that is where I would pause. So basically that's my intent in using them, Connie.
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A great message and a great write! I like your metaphores and message you are conveying. It's so true too. One thing that you might want to consider changing is just a grammatical issue. It would make sense grammatically, and work well stylistically if all of the odd numbered lines had commas at the end, rather than periods. It isn't something you need to change, but just a heads up to let you know. Great work!
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Thanks,
I'll think about your suggestion. It seems unnatural to me, maybe I'll experiment. Connie
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Stagnant
Since english isn't my first language, I actually had to look up the title after reading the piece. And then I understood. The title fits perfectly!
I love the rhyming in this. It doesn't feel forced at any time. Great job! -
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Thanks,
I'm glad that you bothered to look up the words meaning. Not everyone would bother. Connie
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i loved how you used nature to describe some parts of this. truly wonderful job and it reminded me to keep moving on even when the going gets tough. hopefully that was your message =]
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Exactly,
that was the entire message, I just thought I'd remind people. Live life, before you lose it. Connie
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Poetically it's pretty good. Good form, etc, etc,. Inspiration as well. But it really does depend on your pount of view...i remember a few lines from a song written by Syd barrett that went something like: "it's an idea someday, a life that comes of no harm, just you and I in place, wasting time on dominoes." the lack of movement and change implied within these lines is also very comforting. I wrote a poem that is sort of an antithesis to yours, called "there are no Stars." It works on the exact opossite suposition that you've used in your poem. Nevertheless, good job on this one.
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