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[Penciled In Lips && Dizzy Dancers]

UHHHHHHHHHH OH, babydoll
Love g-g-got me again
those pretty little lines shoved

P
E
  R
  F
  E
C
T
L
  Y

inside my penciled in ((lips))

&& yeah, the scars healed
maybe it was your blue eyes
perfectly [c a p t u r e d]
in the negatives of our lovely pictures. . .

[ohhhhh so l o v e l y]

hollywood captured our undead mystery
perfectly hidden in our candy hearted hearse
driving away from the dizzied dancer inside our heads

[Someone stick the emeralds back in my eyes]

No sugar, sugar: this isn’t (happening)
I am supposed to be {dancing in a veil}
Perplexed, I stand, far inside of the rain

[&& the clouds stand far apart like virgins in a Disney movie]

Your lips *pierce* mine && P A N I C overrides itself
Then, depression seeps between my fingertips
&& suddenly love engulfs my veins

[I’d j u m p even if you never said “JUMP”]

P e r f e c t l y, you told me to never worry
My heart used to be its o.w.n. battlefield

&& I was the..

W
A
  R
  R
  I
O
R


Fighting for my little -meaningless- life
Writing on the backs of empty stalls
&& lighting up the fluorescent paper dolls

[sometimes love works like that..]

It starts with a K I S S ..
&& ends simply like t.h.i.s.


[never truly revealing itself..]

Author notes

Option #1:
Dirty Pretty. I mean Hardxcore dirty pretty. Punctuation and everything. I want it to either be about drugs, love, imperfection/perfection or something else.

4) Deep Dirty Pretty
Write a deep dirty pretty piece that has some form of life philosophy to it.

A contest entry

Thanks as always for the critiques, sweethearts!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • XweXareXbrokenX
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a really great piece i love the flow and the story in it...i also liked how the punctuation wasnt to much...great piece...keep writing

    xXsewn2getherXx


  • whiterabbit.
    June 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. I really like the thoughts behind it and the imagery created by it. Great job and thanks for entering.


  • Heartbeatsxfading
    June 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good!!! I love the last few lines! I am glad you entered!
    good luck!
    ♥ Surrender ♥


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    June 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Unique
    Thank you for sharing your poetry in this contest; I wish you the very best


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is perfectly interesting. I like how you conveyed it all, very interesting, good luck with the contest!


  • x.digital.love.x
    May 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ok. i refuse to bash other poets, but am i huge fan of constructive criticism. the poem was pretty decent, but i'm guessing this is supposed to be dirty pretty?[i'm so sorry if i just completely sounded like a bitxh, i just cant find any other words] ease up on the random punctuation and stuff, because thats not real dirty pretty. real dirty pretty is deeper than that. if you want, i can send you some links to some amazing dp poets. im not trying to be mean, i just want to open people's eyes to what real dirty-pretty is, im just plain tired of seeing so much cliche dp. good luck though. i really like the imagery you set up.

1 - 6 of 6