Our race has been run~
the countdown's begun;
so little time left.
Too late
to keep you safe from harm.
It starts the moment you're born.
Already tainted and worn~
when you start to grow;
It's a seasonal show.
Seems Summer's gone.
The Cine film runs~
we shone like the sun;
It saddens to see.
The strength
we showed when we were young.
Might as well
just give us a light pet~
everything
they told us was right pet.
Might as well
just pour another drink
then wash the world away
and dream our dreams.
It starts the moment you're born.
Already tainted and worn~
when you start to grow.
It's a seasonal show.
Seems Summer's gone.
Author notes
"pet", darling, etc. Options 4, and 2.
A contest entry
- A Song For Those Who Need It The Most by Drevin Revlocke.
375 points, ended June 22, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first year on AP by forever dreaming.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Worthy? by shirk.
500 points, ended June 2, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poem(s) You Have Ever Wrote by NickelleteXninja.
550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyrical Genius by Welcome-To-Hell.
875 points, ended June 20, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyrics! by PoetryDove.
600 points, ended June 29, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write to me...sing to me... by Angel of Musik.
700 points, ended June 16, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme All you Got. by ItsalltheSame68.
450 points, ended July 3, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyrics Lyrics....give me lyrics by Tefnut.
425 points, ended July 9, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (*~(~*~(~*~(~*~(~*~(PRE-WRITES OK!!!!....SOMETHING SAD...MAKE ME CRY!....NOTHING GROSS.. NO CUTTING OR MUTILATION POEMS! CAN BE LOVE,SADNESS,LONELY,DEATH,DEATH OF A PET ETC~*~)~*~)~*~)~*~)~*)~*~()~* by xxlisajazminexx.
425 points, ended October 4, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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interesting....
though i got alittle lost as what the poem was about?... i think i just have to go back and re-read it again......
it is sad which is what i asked for in my contest and many lines were written well just needs alittle critiquing here and there.......
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Thank You SOOOOOOOOOOOO much for entering this wonderful & beautiful piece into My contest!!!!!!!!!!!!
best wishes...... and much MUCH love !!!!!!!!!
good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
I liked this
it was deep
Growing up is a hard thing to do...I assume
lol I'm only sixteen so far
I liked where this poem went
good luck in the contest
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Hi. I do like this poem a lot. However, I cannot see it to be a song, and for this reason I am removing it from the contest. This is no slur on your poetry at all-it's just that it seems to be a prewrite randomly entered without having a "song" format.
Thankyou for your entry. You are more than welcome to enter again, although I am no longer accepting prewrites.
-Hannah. -
lol, that has to be one of the more interesting poems in this contest.
Thanks so much for entering. -
Although the subject matter of this piece is strong created using good imagery I found it overall to be a little erratic. I think perhaps if you stuck to either rhyme of freeverse it would strengthen the piece as the random rhyme kind of distracted me slightly. Thank you for taking the time however to enter my contest and good luck in future writes.
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I was humming all the way through. Watch out, I'm dancing now. good write. I hope you all the best in this contest.
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This is a very interesting song. I liked it.
Right now I'm trying to think of it being sung, I'd really like to know what melody would be chosen
LOL
Might as well
just pour another drink
then wash the world away
That is a very good line ~ for some reason I really like that part...Maybe it's just me.
You're choice of words was good and the form was definately interesting!
I think that it is good!
The rhyming is fine, although it's a little inconsistant. But not bad!! and nothing seems wrong with it...dang, it's good.
Awesome!!!!
Thank you very much for the entry, good luck!
~Poetrydove~
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This is pretty well written not quite sure what kind of song you see this as I could see it as many different types of song well written best of luck to you in the contest
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'Might as well
just pour another drink
then wash the world away'
heck yea!!! I agree with this part.
your rhyme scheme is inconsistent though
thanks for entering -
Thanks for entering this into my contest.
I don't really like the structure, and some of your vocabulary could be altered a little bit to make this piece stellar. -
Oh I really liked this!! So poignant and gives you something to think about! Brilliantly written and had good flow too!
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nice poem
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Liked the way this flowed. And loved the rhyme. For some reason it reminded me of Green Day. I guess I was hearing it as a sound with maybe a voice somewhat like Billy Joe's.
Really good. Probably one of my favorites out of all I've read from you. Thanks for sharing and good luck in all those contests.
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i like this it has something to it, now this is something that i will admit i kind of want sometimes, keep it flowing and good luck i in the contest
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You are a Finalist, Great Job with this One!
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OHHH Brosef, you are so young at heart! Havin said that, now, this is an excellent refresher onto why we need to stay feeling young at heart! I think anyone/everyione can relate to this...or did you just write it because I am the "older" sister? Ha! Best of luck !
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Words too true................
this hits home with me as I am getting a little older now an can reflect a little on my life accomplishments, which are few. But as you state in this write, as soon as we are born we begin growing. It seems like yesterday in so many ways and then it seems another life time all at the same time. How funny life is huh....Nice job writing this it is deep and thought provoking!!!Quite philosophical!! Thanks for sharing!!!~~Toni~~
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Excellent piece here!
Your words are so true to life.
Well done and thanks for sharing this
piece here! Best of luck to you with it
in the contest and keep up the great work!
Jeremy0826 -
beeaowteefool alec, ... & dream our dreams is pure classic likesay. the crowds'll be lovin this when the purchase nick it. we cud kick jamie onta drums and recruit the boards on rhythm?
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This is wonderful....I am at a loss for words...just know that this is one of my new favorites to add to the others written by you.
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thank you so much my friend, i was beginning to think there was something seriously wrong with it, i've spent over 300 points promoting this, and not one person has had the decency to leave a comment. thank you rosemarie!
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fantastic
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excellent
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Excellent Write!!
Hello Alex, Your words are so true. We start to get old the minute we are born. But I say you are as young as you feel. I loved your rhyme scheme. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day. Sandy 
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Very nice. Dream on.
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feels like a soulful write, whistful too, good thing is, you're never too old to dream. Jan xx
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I can almost hear these words being sung. Quite catchy and easy to relate to. Well done my friend.
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thank you my friend.
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Very thought provoking write. If only we could wahs the world away! Keep on dreaming our dreams to be sure. Thank you for entering and good luck.
Jeannie
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Sounds like the story of my life. Perfect flowing emotional showing.
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very nice writing,very deep and kind of mysterious,but I like it.I really like the last sentence.....
and dream our dreams. Keep up the good work! -
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thanks a lot, very much appreciated,
floorboards.
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Very deep and thought-provoking. This is the route that many people take in life; comes from the phrase "eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!" Excellent. Best of luck to you in the contest. (I don't think I'll attempt to enter.)
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thank you very much indeed,
floorboards.
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