In the full heat of the late afternoon
It looked cool in the dimly lit bar
Where the enemy sun never penetrated.
I leant hot arms on the zinc topped counter,
Enjoying the sudden chill respite from heat.
Smoked hams hung from rafters
An unsung guitar stood lonely in the corner.
"Si Senor?"
"Una cerveza, frio"
He stood the bottle on the counter.
I watched, the metal stopper roll gently away
A focus for my inattentive eyes.
Then to the bottle
Where a mist was already beginning to form
Around its amber neck.
I watched the effervescent bubbles rise
Savouring the moment before
Raising the bottle neck
To my parched lips.
Author notes
In these remote village bars I used to ask for a glass, when it arrived, from somewhere cobwebby, I often wished I hadn`t bothered. Soon adapted to the local habit.
In a list
A contest entry
- Pour by lie.
550 points, ended May 23, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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choice words here, well presented! i enjoyed reading this poem very much and am inspired by it…
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Sigh... I am so glad...
I have come to your author site and am so glad to get to know you, Sir Poet! I am humble in your presence and admire you greatly, as this poem gives much evidence of your fine mind and talent. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us. 
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Sounds like a scene in a western! well written and vividly so. Thank you for taking me to this little bar with your words so well penned...
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i love how you took the theme/topic and took it in such a different direction. awesome originality. rock on.
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With the greatest ease you take this reader anywhere of your choosing with your depictions,on this occasion it's a Spanish bar,a joy to read as always,
I'm going to Alcudia on Sunday, yes I know its very commercial not the real Spain but your write has me in that holiday mood already!
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Not sure if it's just Spain, I heard English glasses are quite filthy as well. Boy, the stories. Anyway, onto the poem.
There are a lot of things I liked about the piece, but a lot of things felt off with the poem. Let's get the worse of the two out of the way, first eh?
I found the capitalized letters at the beginning of each line quite distracting. To me, the punctuation felt a bit off. In the beginning, the line order seemed to be awkward.
for example:
"In the full heat of the late afternoon
It looked cool in the dimly lit bar
Where the enemy sun never penetrated."
Perhaps, formatting it like this might help:
"In the full heat of the late afternoon,
where the enemy sun never penetrated,
it looked cool in the dimly lit bar."
Sorry if it seems like I'm picking the piece apart, that is not my intention. I did really enjoy the atmosphere of the poem. It has great down to Earth and a good gritty feel to the piece, that really brings it to life.
A great topic, and you executed it in a fabulous way.
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What piece of Charles Dickens writing made you think of dirty English pub glasses? We have a thing called `elf & safety (health and safety) you can`t even get your glass refilled. Have to have a clean one each time, usually washed up on those rotating mop heads.
Mind you on the first June I am off to the wilds of Donegal (Ireland) and with a bit of luck will find a shabeen (illegal bar) selling illicit potheen (moonshine). Two swigs of that and you won`t care if you are drinking it out of an old boot.
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Fermentation's gleen would kill any ills in the dusty vessel.This takes me there! Portrait painting me into a scene is fun! Thanks.
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I think your author's notes pertained to my view of the dusty glass.
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You have to be careful what you ask for. It is often not what you get especially when there is a language barrier.
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