Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Poet Loses a Poem on the Bus

 

 

 

 

 

 

I left a poem on the bus yesterday,

it was tired and scrunched into plaid seating

worn on the edge,

where oversized thighs

rub & rub


 

It was the 219 bus

all the way from town

& up the Old Road

like a dog; stopping at every lampost

the poem -

lazy bastard that it was

just sat there, refusing to press the buzzer

to get off

off the page

off the damned bus

& walk itself home



 

I got off

with no poem

no heart

no rubbed thighs

just me and my poemless baggage-

up the two-up-two-down street

watching the sluts on the corner,

converse in stuttered slang

and chewing gum

mouths, open and hips astray

- the friction of life


 

The poem:

however, travelled to Ashton

pottered around the market,

bought some apples & went for a pint

in the Beau Geste Pub

by the Bus Station

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

In a list

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Random Goldfish gold member
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Haha...I really love this...I find it very funny and very deep at the same time...I give you many kudos!


  • Blondita
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Genius Gill.

    This made me quite sad actually, and perhaps I've read more into than was intended. The imagery was incredible on a personal level. I was born in Ashton Under Lyne and know the town well :-). Sweet memories.

    You're a talented lady and I don't read you often enough. Maybe it's just the mood I'm in today, but I found something pretty damn special in this.

    Sonia X


  • Wandika gold member
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well treveled words

    to say the least. What an original write!

    Still await the book. Sure to be a classic dear friend.


  • catz Moderators member
    May 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well, Gill, it looks like you showed that poem a thing or two... maybe next time it'll stay where it belongs and get published on allpoetry or some such place.

    I think maybe it got snockered at the pub, though and might be laying on the mensroom floor wondering where you went.

    Love this piece, and got a a giggle or two out of it myself.

    *hugs*
    De


  • GoodKnightPoet
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think I found your poem. It's amazing how far it has traveled. I like your imagination. Good write.


  • windhover3 gold member
    May 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply


  • katfair
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "just me and my poemless baggage"

    that just gripped me!

    I feel the edge of sadness, the emptiness the loss offers,
    the life of its own poem on a bus that stops here and then there no longer with you,
    though is has humor --it does feel more ironic, or edgy humor,
    like ow,
    or ohhh,
    with
    lonely music in background. weary but with
    a bite, a laugh hurled in.


    Nicely penned again Gill.
    Kat

  • maheo
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    seems like the poem had a better night lol...I love some of the lines in this--the friction of life--great line. I think that most people can relate to the writing on worn paper and being tired of the day, I really enjoyed this.


  • HeavenScent4U
    May 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i see humor in this and at the same time see myself. i don't know how many damn times i have used and seen that same damn piece of crumpled up, worn out paper and lost it. then like you, i imagine the places it must have traveled to but miss it because it was either a piece of my heart or a thought in the darkness.

    this was full of imagery to the point that it seemed to breathe on it's own. great job here poet. be well and be blessed

    p.s. i still have a piece of your poetry from about a year ago bookmarked, i'm so glad i found your writings again because you are truly talented.


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    May 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, I know that poem all right.
    I was at the pub and it can't hold it's liquor worth a damn!


  • voices
    May 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    .

  • Suzanne Dia
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    LOL.
    This made me snicker. Ok, so maybe the lazy sod went off and left you with a poemless package, but you know, the poem you wrote about it was probably than it was anyway.


    Thankies for the smile today. I needed it.


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    May 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really love this Gill



    al

  • Rowan gold member
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I love the way your mind works, the personalization of places, streets, your poems breathe
    life into paper, and deserve to go for a pint. Excellent.


  • Nicolette gold member
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery here is so vivid that I could see the poet on the bus and her mind spinning like wheels... Aaah, know this feeling too, Gill.... I have learned now to write on any available piece of paper while driving (and when I get back home I can't read my own handwriting,lol)!! And yes, sometimes I lose the poem too. This is so very poetic, so very "poet" - and I loved the twist in the last stanza...as one, poet and poem.

    Lovely work, Gilly - thanks for the ride!

    ~ Nicolette


  • truembrace
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Again - your work is novel-esque, if there is such a word. If not, I said it anyway!

    I can picture all of this - the ideas rolling around in your mind in the places you are traveling by, wishing for that one verse that will start it all rolling. I think as soon as we see our poetry breathing and living as though they were truly alive - the descriptives just being to pop out at us -- and so alive they become afterall.

    the creativeness of this poem and he voice you give it is just wonderful - particularly with the "real" images that you capture so well.

    Kim

  • grm
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i used to leave poems all over, everywhere i went.
    then i got ticketed for littering (appropo) and had to stop doing that.
    now i just ink colorful limmericks on men's room walls.
    "for a good time, call Gill..."

    LOL.


  • tara wilson gold member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is great, I love the humor, and the seriousness in this, as well,...

    ootled around the market
    bought some apples & went for a pint
    in the Beau Geste Pub
    by the Bus Station"

    Just loved the ending, excellent!
    I liked how you personified your poem in this


    • NurseChilly gold member
      May 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      more irony and seriousness than humour... but i think that is what people are seeing.. which is weird, because it didn't come out like that in me



      always love your words Tara... always

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Yet again the poet shows her versatility,this piece with it's wry humour is delightfully different,giving life and a persona to the poem,loved the naturalness gifted within this gem as the poem is in turn lazy and then thirsty,excuse the parlance,this is bloody marvellous!Far from being a one trick pony this poet rides rodeo with style,kudos


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I always get into that....almost trippy brain-state on buses. I live a while away from my school and it takes me about an hour an a half on the bus, practically first stop to the last. I always think of lines of poems in my head, but they are either forgotten, or half-forgotten in some way that they just don't work anymore; don't hold the magic they did when I was on the bus....

    I like this a lot. I felt the humour was slightly awkward at the end, you know when you're sad and you've said something quite personal but chuck in a joke after as though that somehow makes it less significant....but it was a nice ending, shows your ideas live on and come back to you... or to someoen anyhow...

    Sorry if I've misinterpreted it completely, I have just had my english literature exam where I have to bull-shit for two and a half hours

    Reminds me of a song this....like Wanda says...kinda..


    • NurseChilly gold member
      May 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      funny.... I don't see humour in it all.. I see tiredness and irony and downright sarcasm... but humour.. na! lololol
      but everyone sees different things in other people's work... that is how we interpret and get divisional ideas in poetry... which is cool

      thanks Jess, as always


  • misselaineous
    May 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is superlative, all those sublime slinky sounds slutting it up

  • Cwm
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The same thing happened to me like three years ago almost... but I lost like between I believe 30 or more poems.. it was some good stuff too! I feel your frustration, but also humor in this piece.


    • NurseChilly gold member
      May 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      it's not real... lolololol

      but i'm sorry for your loss.. that must have hurt..

      i was just thinking of poetry, coming home on the bus yesterday ...


  • Night Hope gold member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ...And was promptly found by a musician, who realized its sheer loveliness & dressed it in music. Gorgeous, Gill. Wanda

1 - 29 of 29