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I detest those dang potholes! I really enjoyed this. Found it to be a very down to earth relatable read. Good job.
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Oh, sad
This is a very uplifting then quick to jolt you type of write! the last stanza really kicked me in the gut
and then i finally realize
that my hands had not grasped something else
but went right through the air
and were grasping each other
GREAT WRITE!!!! -
nice way of expressing oneself
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"and then i finally realize
that my hands had not grasped something else
but went right through the air
and were grasping each other"
I hope you have realized how amazing these four lines are!
Great work on this poem!
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wow that was really amazing. That is exactly how my life goes!
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wow
Thats life,you don't always get what you think you will.
great read,touched the heart.
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So sorry that things ended up badly. You can look at it this way, though. If this hadn't happened, you never would have written this poem, which is wonderful. Great job and I hope things get better.
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Your usage of metaphors was pretty good and the last stanza basically says it all. I've been in your situation. It's one of those cases that feels like it should be in one of those reality shows that I for one normally prefer to change the channel from. It also feels like you're being mocked and need to shed a heavy sigh knowing you'll have to try all over again. C'est la vie, that's the way life tends to be. Overall, this work portrays the story, intentions, and feelings pretty decently.
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La da da dee da.
I just felt like commenting you here because I don't feel like using MySpace and I was seeing if any of the promoting did any well. Apparently it did.
I'm probably not camping till Saturday now.. if at all. I don't feel like paying for four days all by myself. Dumb kids.
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You have a tight grip on your language. Way to use it to your benefit!
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The last stanza is the ost powerful one and should not be seen as sad..it's as if you know your greatest love is yourself or should be yourself. Very nicely written, a piece thaqt reaches into the heart of every writer. Nice work
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I really like these two lines: "but then a bump appears amongst the gold/and my heart has found a pot hole". I also really like the last stanza a lot. Very nice work. It's an interesting read, and a sad story. On one minor note, in line five, there is a spelling error "smilig". Great job though!
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Wow
This is SO good! I really love this.
"Now these tears keep falling, the ones he never wanted to see, once again I am left with a friend"
I love that part!
The last stanza is just amazing! Grasping into the air and not getting what you expected. I love that part!
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this is an amazing poem.
it should be put to music actually.
i really loved it
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easy to understand [in a good way] and i could relate to this poem alot. the metaphors you used gave it a nice touch =]
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