I hear that "5 Card Stud" is this Trick's Choice
So tell me...how many draws, you dealin' In
Now you see me, and now ya Don't
Damn Girl!...you're a fuck-ing Magician
Pullin' rabbits out their hats...Brothers watch yer Backs
Cause these types of Tricks, will also...take a Check!!
Slight of the hand, is this Trick's master Plan
But you've seen only the representative, not the real Trick Yet!!
Abracadabra and Hocus Pocus
This Trick has all the words, you wanna Hear
But now lip-syncings done, the covers up!!...Hun
Poof!! now watch My Slick Trick, as I make you...Disappear!
So you came with illusions, smoke and Mirrors
Thought you had game, but you're just a Parlor Trick
But now you're gone, and there's another one On
So tell me baby girl!! how do you like my...~Slick Trick~
POOF!!
Get The Point
You're Just So Magicial...Not!!
All-Illusions-Eventually-Vanish
Peace
Holla @ Ja Boi
TX Leonard
A contest entry
- PRE-WRITES GALLORE ~!~!~! by Naridill.
800 points, ended January 31, 184 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This poems both confuses and concerns me, I couldn't be sure with a rhyme of this sort, but if I did a search would I find this tricks name in a missing persons report?
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Abracadabra and Hocus Pocus
This Trick has all the words, you wanna Hear
But now lip-syncings done, the covers up!!...Hun
Poof!! now watch My Trick as I make you...Disappear
good erudite writing
looking forward for many more writes from you -
That's hot...Im likin this...nice metaphors.
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I see you have tightened this up a bit...
Much better.
Becky
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great
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sounds a little like life never believe what you see trying to cover up everything i doubt this is what you intended it ot mean but thats what it meant to me great poem DONT STOP WRITING ONLY FOR YOURSELF
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Nice game plan here,
...a trick for the Trick, those kind are all around us. Great job and great use of metaphore here.
Sincerely,
sassy
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I have always been facinated by magicians, never was quite able to master poker other than black jack. This piece was well constructed although it did have a few places that hung me up and broke the flow for me. I had to go back and re read a few places to get the jest of the entire piece. The point you were making was loud and clear 4 sure so no problem there at all. A clever comparison by the way.
I don't really get the need for the "Capital" letters on some of the words unless you are emphasising them for some reason. My opinion, it distracts the reader from the rest of the poem...just my opinion mind you.
Also the extra (-) and (...) are distracting from the overall piece.
You have a great theme with wording to go with it, you just need better presentation for it.
Becky
. Rewarded 8
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i m also fond of magicians and witches and tricks!i liked it!
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Thanks very much for taking the time to read my poem and provide me back your feedback
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Excellent comment back
Right on Key!!
I like that perfect
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This was very enjoyable.
The flow of it was amazing.
Only thing is I had a little bit of trouble understand a couple of the lines:
1.I hear that "5 Card Stud" is the your trick of choice
is that what it is supposed to say or is that a typo?
10. This trick has all the words, you wanna to hear
again, is that really how you want it because after the comma it's just too... full. maybe it would be better without the word 'to' in there.
But amazing poem!
. Rewarded 8
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You are absolutely right. I guess I read right by the "The" and the 'to' also. Freudian write I guess. Thanks for the critique and the awesome feed back. editting now.
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Yes this is music..
I believe this is a very reflective piece of the world we are in and that you could sing/rap this bit as well as others that you are doin. you keep writing and I'll keep reading.
. Rewarded 4
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This was brilliant, I loved it excellent metaphores and a wonderful theme. Heartfealt and powerful content. This would go great as a song and flowed beautifully. so well done, *Standing ovation*
V.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you very much Lady for the excellent feedback and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and enjoy my writing here
Thank You very much once again. I truly appreciate you and I will be reading your work also and returning the favor you graced me with
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