Where I once stood on the dock is barren
I have disembarked from the ‘port of call’
How credulous this vessel’s soul—springing leaks
And a deluge from high above
A riotous rain, ram sacking the deck
Helm control flickers and flutters—a mind threatened
A barren ship
Ravaged in time
With squeaky planks...
I can feel the turbulent waves
Then a rise of jubilation when comes cessation
I’m buoyant…
Cleaving through these weary waters
I ply my plight, precariously
As I marvel at the sunset, I am inspired…
For another days journey has ended
And I have the sensational hope of returning to dock
From where I shall cast off once more
In a list
A contest entry
- Something Old ~ Something New - Introducing a New Favorite - gpamon by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended May 23, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Distinction!
There is nothing I don't love about this poem. You have used the metaphor of the 'vessel' extremely well to echo the feelings of life's turmoil and resilience. It is like, you take us out on the boat with you for a day trip of discovery, we have an adventure then you bring us home.
The line "I'm buoyant..." is outsanding and for me this was the focal point in the write. This is where the tide changed; the realisation that you will survive. And the way you put these two words on one line on their own, makes the reader pause at this line and feel the significance of the moment with you.
From here you show us the sunset which holds the promise of hope...like a rainbow does at the end of a storm. Very inspirational. I notice you often end your darker writes with feelings of hope which speaks of your character I think.
The last line fits perfectly in meaning, context and metaphor, ending your poem so very well. This poem reminds me alot of how I write (Gee, I didn't know you could write that well. Lol. jk). I can relate to it well and I absolutely LOVED the whole thing. This is my (second) favourite poem by you.
alby
-
-
My gosh. I feel awkward replying to these marvelously full and flattering comments and compliments. You have seen more than I did though I'm the writer here (smiling). Many wonderful thoughts of gratitude to you on this alby. You have broken your 'fantastic comment' record with this one here. I am beside myself in joy; delighted entirely by the powerful insights and ways that you have seen deep levels where I don't believe I had recognized I put there. What a tremendous searching out of this piece you've done. I can't thank you enough for it. This is now my all-time favorite comment by you (smiling). [PS: If you love this, what will you think about the piece I just posted today? haha].
AsIThink...
-
-
wisewithwordz
ok!....Not this poem is ok, i'm like O-K, he's burning the pages up! This poem feels like cold, not likeharden or distant...i'm thinking cold like frost, robert that is....lol...i enjoyed it...very different from the last few i've read.I loved the sequence and style it flowed flawlessly as it flushed through my fat lips....lol! Great imagery! -
-
LOL...
That was kinda funny. Yeah, this was different because it was an entry into a contest about comparing one's self to a vessel, boat, etc. Got an honorable mention....better than detention (lol). Thanks for the compliments. Hey, did you know that I actually like Robert Frost (I mean, a lot of people do, but I liked him BEFORE I really liked poetry).
-
-
This, aw, yes, this is life..it's ups and downs...but as it has been said...when we are at the top of the crest of a mighty rogue wave..."My the sky is big and blue..."
"I’m buoyant…
Cleaving through these weary waters
I ply my plight, precariously
As I marvel at the sunset, I am inspired…
For another days journey has ended
And I have the sensational hope of returning to dock
From where I shall cast off once more "
Nicely done. -
-
Thank you...
Life's ups and downs...and our wandering around...and finally, life and hope abound.
-
-
wow...
...Amazing how you used a frame of reference(cast,dock)
as if alluding to fishing!I dreamt of gp,had a impulse to write of it.it's scary where our thoughts seem to overlap each other's!!great read!
-
-
Hey, lol - talk about your 'late greats' huh? I didn't even notice that I've never replied to this. oops! hahaha. Please forgive me and although it's very, very late: thank you so much for this feedback. Funny enough, not only is this one of my earlier pieces, it's one of my personal favorites (but I don't think I ever told you that).
AsIThink...
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
